Depression.

Well it's worth a try. The beta blockers have helped with the physical effects of anxiety but it's the mind that needs fixing. It's so frustrating having this when you see people living in such harder circumstances than yourself, it makes me feel guilty for having bad thoughts when I have no reason to, my life's no harder than many others. I guess all you can do is take one day at a time. 

Hiya Alunsue and Bextar. I may not have the same experiences/causes that you have regarding the reasons for your illnesses ,but I totally understand the emotions that you are both experiencing through my own personal experience.

Alunsue; You may be surrounded by lots of people that you love and yet still feel so alone. Also, the urge/need to be alone can be overwhelming. Please believe me when I say that at this present moment in time you may see your future in total darkness with no change on the horizon but it will improve + you will get to where you need /want to be.

How do I know? ,because that is exactly how I felt ,despite being told the same  by someone who spent 12 months in a psychiatric hospital due to a breakdown. He too ,had the exact same feelings. He had no close familyand his depression/breakdown was discovered to be due to loneliness. My anxiety depression was due to my now ex committing adultery after 30 years of marriage. He was also diagnosed as being "psychotic and delusional" I, took my marriage vows seriously and was prepared to stand by him as was our children. He was like Walter Mitty. He did some terrible things and it really made me ill.

At least you acknowledge that there really is no benefit to anyone from you taking your own life. The reason why you are on this site is because you do want to get better and are accepting of help.

Talking REALLY is a healer along with discovering what  really is the root cause of your anguish/illness. Medication will aid your recovery but the real hard work does come from you.

Honestly, in a million years did I ever believe that my life would get better. It was a long, hard path. Sadly, like you and everyone else on this journey we have no alternative route to take. You CAN do it and once you have hit rock bottom [;for me it was the thought of walking in to traffic ]then there is only one way to go....up. 

Yes, you will think "How much more can I take"? But you will be surprised at just how much you can actually take.

Whenever you are feeling despair , please message me. I will always be here to offer you support. 

The great thing is that having been there , I understand. We are all friends on this site, so feel free to private message me if you wish.

Bexstar, the same applies to you. Depression is an illness; when really low, logic flies out of the window regarding having bad thoughts when other people are going through hard times etc so don't beat  yourself up.

Always here for you. Please never feel alone .;

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you managed to survive.

You won't even be sure ,in fact, whether the storm is really over.

But one thing is certain.

When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in"

A friend sent me a copy of this; hope it helps anyone going through a hard time.

Julie xx

Hi guys, I hope you're both well. Things are much better here ? I got some beta blockers and the change is amazing, it's really helped a lot with the physical symptoms of anxiety, which on turn has helped with the mental side as I'm not dreading an attack happening I can focus on just taking one day at a time and not worrying about the future or past. I still see darkness ahead at times but am trying to just stay in the here and now!! Hopefully things will just keep getting better now after such an awful up and down past year. Take care xx 

Brilliant news Bexstar. You are doing right with the little by little, day by day approach. We can't change the past nor forsee the future. Please believe me when I say that you will reach the light of the end of your dark tunnel.

Enjoy your day as it happens; accept the good and let go of the bad.

Looking forward to reading your posts as you also prove to others that life can be so good.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Big hugs wrapped with love.

Julie

Ive been asked to fill out a depression form this week before I go and see my gp. They wouldn't change anything last time as I was on a high dose of sertraline.  How do the beta blockers work and what are they called.  Hope something will change for me soon as its horrible feeling the way I do inside.   Glad to hear your doing better bexstar. Take care.

Thank you Julie it is a great relief and I hope things do keep improving:) 

Hi Alunsue, I've been given propranolol, if you suffer high anxiety they help by slowing the heart and stopping the adrenaline release that starts the anxiety attack. They don't do anything for the depression and sad thoughts but to not have the actual attacks is a great relief. Now I try to focus on here and now, I have so much to do but I tell myself I'm only 1 person and there's only so much 1 person can do. Try to live for the here and now, it's not easy but we are only human. I hope you start to feel better soon also. 

Look after yourselves xx

Hello everyone, This is actually the very first time I've ever signed up for websites like this, So i'm not 100% sure how they work but these discussions give me an idea. It's nice to meet you all. Depression, Mainly loneliness has not only been with me for my whole life but it discouraged me from finishing school. This will sound very wrong and I'm not proud of it, but I basically got "tired of seeing happy people" all the time. I know it sounds horrible and I feel horrible just typing it, I just thought about myself and then my friends, It was the opposite for all of them but not for me and every time I saw someone with a smile, or a couple holding hands walking down the street, it made my chest hurt and my eyes tear up and so I eventually became heavily reclusive towards the end of my teens, (The longest time from not leaving my house was nearly a year). I came back to school but by then I was so pessimistic and negative about nearly every aspect of my life that I dropped out again, shut myself away and now here I am. Every day is the same and it's unhealthy and bad for my mind. All my friends are now in college, Studying abroad or just on a different path. So I don't know where I go from here. This website is essentially the only form of "me getting out and meeting new people" (I hope that makes sense) I've done in weeks...Months even. I aim to change that in future. It's a kick in the teeth that by next year, I'll be 20 so I hope to be a better and happier person by then. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read.

Hi guys, I had 3 good days without the anxiety then a massive attack again ? i took myself of to hospital yesterday morning before I done something silly and they gave me diazepam and sent a mental health team out last night who gave me more diazepa. I'm just of to the hospital now to see the doctors. I think they may keep me in I'm not sure I just want this misery to end. 

Hi Bexstar; Sorry to read your post. Hope that your hospital appointment goes well.

I was diagnosed with anxiety depression so do understand how horrible it can be ; but with coping strategies in place it can be overcome.

Try and accept all the advice/help on offer from the mental health team.

Things may seem totally dark at the moment but there  really is a wonderful life just waiting for you to get better.

I felt that my life was over , as I was in such a dark, lonely, frightening, painful  place.  Just as I was feeling a bit brighter, something would happen to knock me back. It really did seem like for every 2 steps forward, 3 steps back followed.

Keep talking, as this is the best tool available. Post on here; no one judges as we are all here to help/support others.

When feeling anxiety creeping in distract yourself by concentrating on your breathing, go for a walk. The worst thing that you can do is to do nothing but let your anxiety wash over you.

Don't sit over analyzing . We are own worst enemies when it comes to mental health illness. It is your mind playing cruel games with you. Logic goes right out of the window at these times.

Remember that you are ill, your are an individual who is struggling .

Patience is a virtue that many of us don't possess; me included.

Little by little ,day by day.

Big hugs. Remember; tomorrow is another day.

Julie x

Hi Julie, things are a bit better today. The team have been very kind, I'm not allowed diazepam long term though so am a bit fretful of what happens when they stop giving them to me. They've started me on a new antidepressant but I can't remember the name. Thank you for caring Julie it's nice to know others have been through it and come out the other sid. Xx