Depression.

Thanks only time will tell from here on in. Will update as I have news

Hi all, I've not been on in a whole, just trudging through daily life. My son is becoming such a worry with his illness and the stress of him just becomes unbearablE. I haven't gone back to my gp as I've signed up for medical trials and they won't take people on antidepressant. The thought of one of the trials I'm signed up with finishing me of is bliss, I know it seems silly but least that way my children will be ok financiall. Selfish I know but you get fed up with never seeing hope or enjoying anything anymore no matter how much you try to. Also I think my low mood might eventually rub of onto my kids so really they would be better living with a relative. Anyway take care everyon. 

Hi Bexstar, I urge you to return to your GP and get back on your medication. Do not go on any trials; it really isn't worth the risk.

Life wouldn't be better for your children; they need you here and when you are well you will realize this. 

You really do sound so low and so you are not in the right frame of mind to be taking such drastic actions. The company that you have signed up to for trials for, don't take on those on anti depressants for a reason. They may in fact not even pay out if anything were to happen to you [God Forbid] as you haven't been truthful and so your family wouldn't benefit financially.

I am living proof that life can get better . There is light at the end of the dark tunnel of depression I am not a one off either.

I had those thoughts regarding everyone being better off without me, being a failure as a mother, daughter, friend etc. I never ever thought that things would get better but I was wrong. 

Acknowledging that I needed help [I had thoughts of walking in to traffic] ,I then accepted the help and embraced. The most important person to help me through was "me".

It wasn't easy, and I still had to go down a very long, dark frightening path but I did it and so can you. Honestly. It just takes time.

I will help to support you all that I can personally if you will let me. I will always only be an email away.

Please put your thoughts of going on the trials and return to your GP.

You really can do it; the feelings that are whirling around in your head are all part and parcel of depression and there really is a light at the end of your path.

Julie x

Hello.

You are indeed lucky to have a supportive partner and I'm glad you do.

I have suffered depression all my adult life. Unfortunately my girlfriend of 5 years decided 2 months ago to discard me due to my illness.

Hi Ttz,I've had depression on and off since being 17,now 47 and divorced. Although I was married for 16 years my ex husband never tried or wanted to understand. He was abusive psychologically and physically towards the end of the relationship. Finding the strength to divorce him was difficult but I'm honestly happier without him. It took a while but I've adjusted to being on my own and know how lucky I am to have two supportive grown up children. Being 'discarded' is a horrible feeling and although it was me that initiated the divorce I had also felt 'discarded' a long time ago because of a lack of support in the relationship. I hope that one day I will be lucky enough to meet a man who does understand and can cope with depression. Suppose I'm just saying IMO sometimes it is better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship.  Em

The decision I had to make a few weeks back seems to have worked in the right way and only good has come from it and not the bad side that could have appeared. I understand how you feel about about being in a relationship where the partner does not understand but thankfully I have other family and friends who do who prove to be very supportive. Its hard living with someone who cant understand or come to terms with what we may be going through. but I still wouldn't swap her for anyone else on this planet.

Hi Em, I completely understand the feeling of being "discarded" as that was I felt after 30 years of marriage. We were soulmates.Looking back he was totally controlling as when we separated as I didn't even know who supplied our utilities. I was facing losing everything; despite it being him who committed adultery, telling me if "I didn't sign the papers then I would lose the house due to finances.

I was in such a dark ,lonely ,frightening place with no glimpse of ever having a future for myself. I did accept medical help along with a lot of self help and now I am such a wonderful place. I now feel, that I was afraid of the future and facing it alone. Yes, it wasn't easy and it made me really ill but I am so much better off without him.

I never realized how strong I was and I knew that I could cope alone.

I like you wondered  that if in time I would ever find anyone to share my life with. I am now with the most loving caring man I could ever wish for.

Never give up. When the time is right and none of us have a crystal ball it will happen.

I wasn't looking for romance and still can't believe how blessed I have been finding him. My life is now complete and yours will be also.

Alunsue; Brilliant news . I can still remember messaging you when you posted about it. I wish you well .

big hugs to you both. 

Little by little, day by day.

Julie 

hi itgetsbetter a sad beginning but what a strong and beautiful end to your story.  I wish you well and remember on this forum we are all here to help each other but I wish you all the best in your new life and thanks for your kind words.

Alun xxx

Thanks for sharing your story Julie,interesting to read,it's surprising how much strength there is inside us when life doesn't run smoothly. Glad you are now in a good place,take care,Em x

Thank you both for not only your kind words but for taking the time to post them. Alun, you are right ; this forum proves that we are never alone and that you can really get to a better place in time. The hardest part is ever believing that you can/will get through such a horrible dark time in your life.

Have  wonderful day and thank you again.

Big hugs wrapped with love.

Julie