How to deal with non understanding family and friends

Not really an answer for that Comber :/ Sorry 

Comber,You have to find a way to cut people who are toxic out of your life, I know it is not possiable in all cases, I have lernt to cut them out emoitanlly,( sorry for bad spelling) It took me years & CBT really helped, it teaches you how to do this! Have you spoke to your GP? Maybe they can help you with getting the help you need. Focus on your 2 Girls, coz they are gonna need you & you them, I understand it"s not easy! I stuggle all the time! Give yourself time, I hope I have helped you. I don"t want you to think I am saying it"s easy, coz it isn"t! Like I say it has  taken me years! I have spent most of my life unhappy 

It is hard knowing what to do Comber ; what is going to benefit you and keeping the relationship going with your daughters? Separation is never easy but the added issue is mental illness. My ex was diagnosed as being "psychotic + delusional. We ,as a family tried so desperately hard to get him help and keep supporting him. After 30 years of marriage his illness really came in to view with a bang.Looking back the signs were there but you never ever things would erupt with such a force. My children have suffered due to my ex hiding away from them and ultimately lying to them. 

I can't quite understand what answers you are searching for? 

Is the reason for your separation due to your illness?

My ex would just do lip service , telling us that he knew that he was ill and how he would get help but he never did. Communicating as much as you can is the most beneficial thing that you can do. You don't say how old your daughters are. If they are only young then they won't really understand why their parents are no longer together. Always reassure them that you love them, continue seeing them regularly. 

My new partner is now going through the legalities of divorce. His wife committed adultery . He is recently diagnosed with a terminal illness which, with his marriage break up has resulted in him becoming severely depressed and abusing alcohol. His wife just focuses on his drinking and not on what actually caused it. His children have now stopped communicating with him which also adds to his depression. He is currently in hospital.

Sometimes , it is the hardest thing in the world accepting that you are not well. We can be over critical of ourselves; feel such a let down , a failure, no use/good to anyone. All signs of depression.

My partner has become insular regarding his children. All children want to know is that they are loved ; explaining about your illness can only high light that anyone can struggle being affected .

Don't alienate yourself from your family. Perhaps sit and write them a letter from your heart explaining how it is for you right now.

Be kind to yourself. Never put yourself down or let any one else .

Perhaps if you elaborate on what it is you are seeking answers too it may help get the response that  you are looking for.

Take Care. x

hi I know exactly how you feel I feel so isolated have no one to talk to no one understands when someone asks how i am i just say fine its easier life is so hard i just pray for a miracle i dread every day living like this lets all hope together for things to get better

Hi Hayley, I do hope that you are feeling ok today?

Life can appear so hard at times ,especially if you don't feel that you have any one to really talk too. 

You sound like you want to talk, which is a great outlook for you. So why not start talking on here?

Sometimes it is easier to just let your thoughts/feelings etc out via a key board. No one knows you personally but we are all in similar situations and so understand what you are going through. You will never be alone on here.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are having a low day; we all have them. No one is 100% happy 24/7.

The next time that someone asks how you are feeling ; don't say "fine"; if need be just say that you are "plodding on'; if the person asking is interested they ask why.

Hope to read your posts soon. Stay positive and talk,talk and talk some more. 

XX

hi i tried that but just get oh dear people dont understand that have never been through it i cant expect them to really i just hope and pray one day it does get better had about 12 years of awfulness and bad luck so hopefully soon it will change

Hi Hayley Yes, it is a hard path to be on; but try and put things in to prospective. Step back and look in from the outside.

We all have bad times in our life ; everyone does. We have all said "why me" or "what next"?. I feel that we need to say "Well, why not me?" I have uttered the words "why me, what have I done to deserve this "?

It is hard when we are so wrapped up in our lives looking at what is negative that we forget to remember the positives in our daily lives. 

I know that this is probably out of context, but I can always remember being unhappy/moaning about my weight; looking back today, I really was worrying over nothing as I really was slim. You don't appreciate things at the time because we are too involved/wrapped up in ourselves. I didn't appreciate how slim I was back then; instead I chose to moan about it /be self critical.

In the 12 years of awfulness , I am sure that there were good /positive things that happened and you have forgotten them as you are busy remembering only bad/horrible things.

Life is too short and precious to remain in the past; try and not look back too often as it will only drag you down. Embrace all that you have today and hopefully in the future.

It has taken me a long time to get to this peace of mind ; you have to let go of the past and grab today and run with it. My life has had some truly horrible times but i can't change it ,so i try not to waste my energy letting it drag me down. It isn't always easy but life is so precious to waste on negativity as it could all be taken away tomorrow.

Never pretend to be "fine/ok" if people ask . No, they probably don't understand if they have never suffered from depression etc; some may say that they know what it is like , when in fact they have just had low/fed up moments and not the whole package. No one has actually walked in your shoes as we are all individuals but if you don't tell them how it is then the stigma of depression will always be there. True friends will listen , you know who you can talk too ; others are insignificant to you.

Believe and love yourself. 

Try and change your outlook ;

Focus on the flowers instead of the weeds. 

Have a great weekend. xx

I learnt to change my view of what I class as family... :) Far easier than fighting, but we have to know what we are looking for in a family and follow those with the same views and sod blood family. If they pulling the other way far less stress..

I have read alot of the comments. Some i can relate to, or some parts of the comments do. The biggest problem i and others face is having to face the illness alone. I joined Carenity a while ago, but have only found the courage to make a comment now. I have evaluated how i have and why i feel like this, and there are many reasons why. It can go all the way back to childhood and how i was taught and home and school, which was forthright and honest. To help others and to be polite. To study and become someone. Reality in the real world at a young age is all too different, growing through adolescence and into adulthood. Some family and friends did not see things this way and will hurt you, either mentally or physically and make life difficult. It is so important to stick with the good ones who you can trust. But also at times you cannot get away from the bad ones, especially if they're family or work colleagues. If you keep within the same circles as adults, not much will have changed, although some have - parenting changes everything. My biggest challenge was to try to let this out into the open. I grew up in a family of 10 (2 parents, 1 brother and 6 sisters). Unfortunately for me i was doted on by my parents, to which some of my siblings took a dislike to. I either suffered verbal (from sisters) or physical attacks (from brother). I used to swear back to defend myself but couldn't do much when getting beaten. I used to tell my mum but she never did anything. Dad was always at work. There have been many episodes of drama with my immediate family, including sister's husband's or brother wife (and others including uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins, the lot) over the years to today. Coupled with problems in my own adult life and serious problems at work and the world at large, it has accumulated to a point where i eventually broke down. I didn't know where to seek help initally but eventually got the courage to see my GP who referred me to a doctor and mental health team who could help. They were great to me. I was diagnosed as being a paranoid schizophrenic. I saw several specialist doctors in psychiatry who were also a great help. Only a few family members knew of my condition, but they weren't great help - my mum being the worst, telling me to get a job and married every other day. I have been on meds for the past 4 years, Amisulpride 400mg and more recently i have been taking Sertraline as well. I do not believe that they work and have told my doctors so, but continued taking them as advised. My condition improved over time, but there were times when depression, anxiety and unhappiness would really kick in. I would be stuck in the house most of the day and hardly go out. I tried getting work but without luck. I tried becoming a driving instructor, paying over £3,000 to a well renowned driving school, but the trainer they gave me had some real issues himself and did not train me well. I was insulted, belittled and lost all my confidence. I was stuck in a shell again. I felt ugly, fat, unloved and with a medical condition. But until recently over the past year or so i have decided if i really want to get better i have to start sticking up for myself. I changed my diet to lose weight and start going to the gym and try new activities. Within 3 months i lost 2 stone and felt better about myself as i was getting alot of compliments from others in the gym, outside and at home. It was a start. The next thing was to try and venture out of the house a bit more, which with some old and new friends i was able to - i never told them of my illness because of the stigma attached, although when we talked i expressed myself alot better than i used to - getting alot of things of my chest - and the crazy thing was that they would open up about personal things too. I am also getting attention from women, that also helps my confidence. But until i feel ready for commitment, we just stick to being friends. The next step on my recuperation was to sort out the problems with my own family. In the past if i did the slightest thing wrong, i would be set upon. Each sibling and/or partner who does not bring happiness and joy to my house is not allowed here. Although there has been a backlash from some of my siblings, i feel a great load has been lifted off my mind and shoulders. It made me sad but for the sake of my illness it had to be done. I have also learned to talk about past problems or things that have happened and addressed them. In this world it has to be done in order to make a point. If you don't say anything then it stays with you. I was moving in the right direction, but........More recently i have had issues with 2 GP's at my surgery who i saw on different occasions, have no speciality in the field and have no empathy. I asked for my medicines to be increased to 3 months at a time, so it is between my psychiatry appointments. But this was shunned as either they can't or it was for fear of me overdosing. I can honestly say that i have never contemplated overdosing and that these reasons concerned me. At my latest appointment, my regular psychiatrist was replaced with a nurse. I explained everything to her. What i found was that she is not well trained to care for my illness. What was even worse was that on my records it was written that i had thoughts of hanging myself with a scarf or overdosing which was a complete lie. I told her it was a lie and that i have no thoughts of suicide. I asked if the real reason for my GP's to say what they did (giving a prescription of 1 months supply of drugs instead of 3 and the overdose comment) was really for patient care or for financial reasons, as the Junior Doctors fiasco was in the news. She said financial. The records also stated that i was a potential risk to harm others, children, abusing drink and drugs. I asked her to see my previous 2 specialist doctors and that they would know the truth. She eventually listened to me and changed the details to no risk apart from substance abuse - because i smoked a spliff in the past?? If that's a real crime then i, Barack Obama (inhaled) and Bill Clinton (did not inhale) are guilty as charged. I also have friends in many well respected professions who have done the same. I have finally found my voice after being stifled for so long. If you wish to start on the road to improved mental health, you must admit the problem, disassociate yourself with the bad people in your life, and also let them know why. Then try to move on.

Always remember guys and girls we are all on a journey, but been forced into a corner where we have to think. That is so wrong in freedom sort of sense that I fought for, but with that to one side..Consider this if we all listen to people that have been trough our issues and their advice instead of deamos ruling our auto-pilot. Things might be better, it takes a lot to realise how our choices due to abuse can affect others and also those with no worries should care for those that don't a little more.. :) Peace 

On a battlefield we are alone as the guy or girl can at any given moment be dead...The fact that we feel alone in socitey is a socitey/ Community free choice...This is the focus if we want to help others...