Living with depression whilst getting older

Hello @RolandKi ,

Thank you for starting a discussion on a topic we don't talk about often enough. How does dealing with depression change as one grows older? 

@Terryb‍ @annafielding‍ @Silver1‍ @sodowninsurrey‍ @Watford‍ @ukjazzer‍ 

Hello members. I hope you don't mind me tagging you. But, I was wondering if you might have experiences or questions of your own to share on this topic?

Take care,

Michael

Dear Michael.

Welcome to the silent club of Depression. I  had it as a child as rejected by parents and grew up with my elderly mothers  mother, who was not really able to physically or emotionally look after me, So I never felt a person, was lonely, Infact, loneliness was/is very much a part of my life.     Nobody would know as I hide it well and am a smiling Depressive.  I dread large crowds and any gathering that means I will have to put on that exhausting act of being interested in small talk for a number of hours [and not driving] have to depend on a Taxi or lift home.

As we age, I believe Depression can get worse.  I have lost my friend to Dementia and  have 2 friends that I see perhaps every 2 weeks, Not real friendship as I knew it, we got to a movie, have a coffee, that's it. No deep friendship or phone calls for a chat to say 'hi'.      I have Arthritis and am not wealthy so just living can be an uphill struggle. 

Michael, I know what it feels like. It is dark, I have it constantly but can manage, sometimes I get a relief.  I live in social housing now and  in a very unfriendly place where people all have neighbours that have friends, relatives who call daily.     You are not alone. Sometimes I cry with lonelinesss.

GG

@RolandKi I suffer from NASH and depression. I'm not sure if they're linked, but I was depressed long before I was diagnosed with the other disease. It can be very difficult getting older. We get more isolated over time, it's just the way the world works. People die, move away, forget. Do you have someone you can talk to?

@Goldengloss I'm still under 40, but I feel rejected by my family and neighbours too. Sometimes the depression is so heavy, I can't even bring myself to look another person in the eye. I'm sorry you feel so lonely.

sad_faery  ~ yes, loneliness can be from Depression but certainly not having nice neighbours seems to be endemic nowadays and between Smartphones and people being at work and not really being into t heir community it can make for loneliness.    The old advise 'join a class' is hard to do when depressed , and nowadays people usually go their separate ways after the classes and in my opinion, seldom make friends, everyone seems to be in a hurry to go somewhere else.... the days of 'would you like  to join me for lunch' are gone and people rarely meet at classes.

I hope you feel better soon, a bit of an improvement.

GG

For all the writers on today, I just want to say, this probably sounds cliche, but going for a walk, say half an hour or 40 mins is very very good for Depression. I have Arthritis bad in legs and still manage to do it some days, when you do it raises endorphins and serotonin in body and DOES actually help us to feel better.  

Another thing I have found is, you will come across people walking their dogs... if you do, admire the dog, a few words from another human being is very good, and perhaps you will get to know that person so even if it's only a hello and a pat ont he dogs head, it is another human in your life.... who knows , they could be lonely too.

Another thing that is hard but works is [for me] going in to a cafe and ordering Tea /coffee with a scone or whatever.  Sitting down and not having a Book or Newspaper, sometimes you will find you have a few words with somebody.  That is getting away from isolation and when you get back, you feel things are slightly more in perspective....    I always smile, never  speak about Depression as many people just don't understand. We have to accept we live in a world where people are not in the main, kind, and won't take on your problems, possibly because they  have their own.           So, mens sheds,  womens Group s [if I could find one] are helpful. I find most classes are full of married woman and I am single... and 69 and this is the real problem.  

Take care and  bless you all.

To those who have replied to my post I am sincerely grateful, thank you. I have suffered  with depression for years, around about fourtyish I guess but this last Monday I went to my doc, I have started to suffer with Trigeminal neuralgia and I went to discuss my meds. But in conversation she brought up how I was feeling and she asked me a few questions, the following morning I found myself being mentally assessed and I am going back for further assessment next Monday. To be honest I feel humiliated and embarrassed that at my age I need this kind of help. Tell me please, am I wrong to feel like this, why is this happening to me at my age?

Hello @Goldengloss‍ and @RolandKi‍,

Thank you for your comments on this subject. It's very important for people living with depression to know they're not alone.

 I have had depression. Anxiety and social  anxiety  for years since very early childhood. I also have arthritis and various other illnesses  .I left home when 16 and although stayed in touch never returned  .my family  have no idea what happened  in my life and the very black places I visited  and still do (I'm  61 now) I was diagnosed with Bpd in 2016 when I returned  home due to my mum passing  I now leave at home with my brother  and dad who has dementia and don't remember  any of the past and pain he caused  .I am just trying  to get through  the days don't have friends  coz anxiety  makes it hard to mix ..sometimes just need a online friend  who checks up on you and can have laugh with 

I'm always  here for a chat I'm a good listener  .try to give good advice non of which ( take myself 

.

hi iv lived with said illness ( dont seem right calling it an illness). since my late teens , but when your 19 and part off a lpha male group you kinda push it to one side and carry on laughing at things that aint really funny going out on the lash with ur mates since primary school.. girls, holidays in the sun , all the things you are meant to do and enjoy,, but all the time something is just not right, even when you meet the girl of your dreams settle down nice house fab job beautiful daughter, but something is not right.... my parents were the kind that the 70s made kids should been seen not heard, crap food shit clothes but could drink and smoke and drink and eat what ever they liked,, with the weekly belt strap even if you had been good or your mum told your dad when he came in you had been naughty,, no intrest in school or football or rugby school plays ,, taking your keep from your paper and milk rounds no hols sometimes a tent out back,sleeping in the same bed as ur 2 brothers dirty blankets pillows made of rolled clothes the sun newspaper for loo roll,,,, And time goes by you work all over the country then come home settle down have a kid work for your dad listen to your mum telling your daughter how brill life was for us....  And then one day your dad drops dead , your partner asks you to leave for not backing her to have an abortion the very next day you lose your job get arrested for fraud the very same month( all charges were dropped but was to late then)In the space of 6wks my dad was gone my home was gone my family was gone my job was gone my reputetion was gone, so i voved to kill my self and i would do it by drinking my self to death ,,so i drank and i drank and i drank, i set fire to my parents house and took some sleepers and went to sleep, only to wake in hospital say sorry it was an accident and spend the next 5 yrs being a drunk odd job ere and there seeing my daughter ere and there,,, Then 1 night you go to your room and slash your arms to peices and wake up 11 days later in your local mhh, u ask to leave sorry u r being sectioned ,, i was detoxed i had a shrink  a care worker and the next7months just fly by,,,.... that was 5 yrs ago i nowhave my own flat after a spell in a sheltered home, i drink on a sat as my treat im on loads of different medications which i hate,, im diaagnosed with D.I.D.. PTSD.. BPD.. SERVERE CLINICAL DEPERRESION.. AND MY FAV 1 ANXITY.. I NO LONGER SEE A SHRINK AS THEY TOLD ME THE TALKING THING WAS DOIG MORE HARM THAN GOOD,, SO every day is a hard hard road, iv harmed  my self iv had a couple off attempts to end this pain,, but now i have the only thing that makes me get out off bed not the flat just my bed and she is called molly ann she is now 18 and she is the best medication i have, she listens understands (sometimes) at the end of a very expensive phone ( i pay 4), she makes me feel ok...