Depression: Why is it so hard for us to say that we're not okay?

Most of us from experience have listened to comments from ignorant people when talking about depression or if we told people we have a depressive illness. The most ignorant comments said to me are "You are just feeling sorry for yourself, " or "Go out with a few friends for a drink" Or "Have a shave you will feel better "  So I hide  my bad days and if someone asks me how I feel I say  F.I.N.E

                                                                             F for fucked up

                                                                             I. insecure

                                                                             N. for neurotic

                                                                             E. for emotional

 People commenting on illnesses they have no knowledge of, So if someone in my company says some stupid comment about depression I always ask them "Have you ever suffered from depression?"  and the answer is  no I reply "Hopefully you or anyone close to you will never have that illness or which of 5 types of depression are you talking about?

Is my reply being shared Courtney or TBH I'm wasting my time here ? 

Sorry to the poster 

@HarryChubb Hello HarryChubb, what reply are you referring to? If you'd like to share your thoughts about this topic, feel free to post it here! 

Take care,
Courtney

I've finally decided to "come out" re: having depression - not something it is probably ever easy for anyone to do?  I'm also not sure if my many bouts of depression are related to frustrating, sad, traumatic life events, or related to many other mental, physical, medical conditions - probably 1 of the many unanswerable questions I have asked myself over my 70 yrs.    Anyway everyone, I've now come out into the open about this and admit although I don't as frequently as I would like, access/contribute to Carenity discussions (due to low energy issues),  still would like to share/contribute to this group/discussion because I still firmly believe that although many of us may be on our own, there is always so, so, so many others that are going through such similar situations as one another.  Hopefully, communicating, being "there" for one another as and when we can be, might just help?  Worth a try? x

@Courtney_J I think our culture has painted depression and mental illness as "abnormal" and "burdensome" when it's really very common and almost a natural part of the human condition. I wish it were different, but it's almost human nature to set people who are different apart and to see them as "weighing down" the group. 

I think I realised I was at the bottom when I could barely get out of bed and take care of myself. Depression it still hard to talk about because people often "don't want to hear it" and they get tired of hearing about depressed people being depressed. But I try to keep going because it's only in talkig about it that we can normalise it and make people see that depression isn't something to be afraid of. 

@sodowninsurrey Good for you for carrying on trying and believing that it's only by talking about depression that this will become more "normalised"!  Considering everyone's live rapidly changed in early 2020 and since then and currently, seems to contain even more uncertainty, continue to live in the hope that people will gain greater understanding and empathy for/with everyone else?  Depression can affect anyone, anywhere, at any time, in so many ways and greater, open communication between individuals can only benefit everyone?  Please know, you are not on your own and again hoping many more Carenity members will "join" to support one another in resolving this widespread situation x

I didn't realise that there was anything wrong until my mum said that I wasn't my usual chatty self. I wasn't watching tv or anything like that. 

I had gained confidence and was more out going when I was in college, but when I lost my fight to keep My daughter and then lost my beloved dad after his short but brave battle with terminal lung cancer, my depression worsened.

People hide their depression for many reasons, shame, not wanting to seen as weak, but if you had diabetes you would not be made to feel ashamed.  Depression or any illness was not in our mind when we set out in life, but that was the hand that was dealt to us, Once we accept we have an illness then we can get treatment. Depression will not go away, contact your doctor and get help. before it blights your life There are many roads to lead you out of the darklands as I call my depression, You have to find  yours 

I have been suffering with mental health all my life ,my dad spent 28yrs in a mental hospital, and seeing things in there watching patients and seeing my dad in straight jackets, being held down while doctors were injecting him ,seeing him go in padded cells, I was only 4 yrs and my mother used to take me to see him ,I've seen things that would make people hair stand on end ,when mental hospital were called lunatic asylums, and you was locked in behind closed doors, seeing people crawling along corridors, laughing ,screaming, old men jumping out behind furniture ,and when I was 6 I was bullied because of my dad being in hospital, I was called names ,beaten up by gangs of boys and girls ,had my clothes torn ,ink thrown at me ,pushed in stinging nettles, hit with cricket bats across my head ,and that carried on all through my school life from 6 till I was 15 ,then when I was 26 I had to go and identify my dads body because he had fell out of his hospital window, and I only had my mum and when she was 76 I lost her to lung cancer ,I nursed her for  6 months and when she died i was devastated as she was my mum ,bro ,sis, and best friend, i have been raped ,had my life threatened twice and now i have mental health problems because of all the scars and all the illnesses i am fighting and my coeliac disease, and breast cancer its been a real bad life for me i have had everything thrown at me, i have been on lots of medication for my mental health, had councilling, but now i suffer with PTSD low moods depression and anxiety because everything i have been through is comming out now and having a fall had given me more trauma ,Tigger 

I've always suffered depression to a degree.  It bought me into contact with alcoholism and soft drug use in the 70s + 80s . I'm still dependent on diazapan ( valium for us oldies ) . After my son was born along with AA IN 1989 I finally stopped drinking though smoked cannabis all through my life thinking on it 🙃 However depression has always been close to me and though I remained sobre for 9 years in the 90s and smoked very little weed it's always been bubbling under the surface.  

What really depresses me now is the lack of treatment for deppresive illnesses.  All the day centre's and unit's have been shut down since the 90s in favour of a supposed care in the community approach . This basically involved shutting down all them old asylums and other institutions gifted to the public mainly during the industrial revolution by rich businessmen and selling them off for luxury apartments and mainly expensive housing on the vast grounds generally came with them donations . Theft would be a more apt term ( if you edit that I'll never post again ) . 

So now if you have depression it's unlikely you'll be seen by a doctor let alone a physciatrist in today's world of decided appointments.  Basically from what I can make out they're giving out tranquillisers again during Covid without a thought to the problems that will come with them later . Your best chance of getting out of depression now isn't really seen as a serious medical issue and you'll be bombarded with offers of self help groups like on here which can help but in reality just plaster a huge wound.  So it really is everyone for themselves in fighting depression and hopefully you've friends who'll help and understand. It's  sad and I hope I'm not demoralising anyone's hopes but no doubt if you've suffered depression a while you'll understand.  

Since my separation 18 odd months ago I suffered a heart attack and was taken to my local A+E unit waking up covered in wires . The ambulance man had told me I was suffering a cardiac arrest and the doctors said the same . Then I suppose looking at my history they asked me if I was suicidal.  I replied that I had at times but it wasn't a constant theme and although stress was probably applicable in my heart attack I wasn't suicidal at that time . Then a physciatrist was sent to see me . I was tired again by now and agreed to be transferred to a ward . On waking up I'd actually signed a 72 hour section order which meant I had to stay in a filthy open door unit with shared showers a TV room and scary looking nurses and physciatrists . The physciatrists interviewed me and I told them I had no recollection of signing a 3 day section order . I told them it was stressing me badly after my heart attack which they refused to discuss.  They persistently tried to get me to admit to hearing voices which I definitely wasn't.  3 interviews I had and all were intimidating and trying to put words in my mouth that I was a danger to myself.  I had phoned my sister who visited me and she being in charge of legal matters for a local business got in touch with solicitors and they managed to get an outreach team in who after an interview decided I was fit to be released. After making me sweat a few hours finally let me out . So within 48 hours of a heart attack I was locked up and basically had to fight verbally to be released . I'd say there's not a more stressful way of dealing with a cardiac arrest ! 

So 18 months on I'm still depressed.  I still get my repeat dumbing prescription.  My doctor however never received any information on my admittance so in all that time with Covid coming soon after I've never discussed my heart problems with my GP let alone a cardiologist.  The private phyciatric ward I was supposedly meant to have signed in to repeatedly contacted me . I honestly never want to see that place or them so called physciatrists again . 

So now I live with depression best I can . I'd be willing to discuss any issues with anyone has had similar problems as frankly since phyciatric treatment became privately run I'm literally frightened of discussing it with any professional as there only cause of action is prescriptions of which I've enough or admittance to them private prisons they call phyciatric wards . It frightens me badly the thought I could end up back in a unit like the one I've described.