How do you cope with the loss of a loved one?

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LizziB

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23/08/2023 at 10:38

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LizziB

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Hello everyone,

Many of us struggle when someone close to us passes away. Everyone handles grief differently and goes through stages at different rates.

Tell us about when you lost a loved one. What did you go through? What helped? What didn't? What do you want to tell us today?

Let this be an open discussion where you can talk about your loved one, share some nice stories, talk about your struggles, share advice to one another.

Take care,

Lizzi from the Carenity team

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mr chipps

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23/08/2023 at 15:47

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mr chipps

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Lizzie when we loss loved ones some people are expecting to grieve in the same way with each bereavement, and are even more upset because they dont. this can be for many reasons, for example it could be the age of the loved one, how close you were to a certain person, how well they physically or emotionally knew a loved one. or lastly some of us may never have met a loved one for many reasons. or if physical events had taken place ,and a loved one could not be viewed by family and friends

this happened me was because, my son and i parted with bad blood between us, and when his baby daughter was born , and died age 50 minutes i was banned from attending her service or internment, her name was Rebecca Jade, but i called her Becky, and i bought her a small headstone and i go to her grave at least once a month with fresh flowers. i will always love my grandaughter, but possibly not as much as my Angel wife or son, who took his own life.?

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singing poet man

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-08-23 15:47:28

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mr chipps

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23/08/2023 at 15:47

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mr chipps

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singing poet man

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-08-23 15:47:28

katz38

23/08/2023 at 18:38

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katz38

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I am the oldest of 6 and my second youngest brother who was the third child, committed suicide last Monday, and my family blame me as I suffer with severe depression and anxiety. They say they never saw any signs with him as they were worried about me. But I am worried that I am broken as I know he is dead, but at the moment I don't feel anything it is like I cannot feel and that there is something seriously wrong with me. I was not allowed to have anything to do with his funeral and only for my son I would have no one.

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How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-08-23 18:38:06

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mr chipps

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24/08/2023 at 14:37

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mr chipps

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@katz38 I think the actions that your family are disgusting, but also they could be doing them to cover their own guilt or to cover how they really feel? and dont know how to handle them?

many years ago my youngest son committed suicide age 27, i asked myself many questions, i was also blamed by my daughter, but i never blamed myself , as i had been warned by my late son verbally and physically. i later became a samaritan and learned to understand many things especially that some people always need to have someone to blame, as it could be that they need a crutch to support them in their grief. my advice is to deal with your grieving in your own way and just let other peoples nastiness wash over you!!!

love yourself a little more every new day and let your grief slowly melt away never blame yourself for what may be

stand up straight and send your grief and worries out to the sea. let your guardian angel guide you each new day, and ask them to brighten everything that you see. let your heart be glad of the good things that you do and then to you loved ones and good friends always be true

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singing poet man

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-08-24 14:37:46

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JazzyC

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23/08/2023 at 21:35

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JazzyC

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The death that has hit me most recently is that of my cousin Paul who died April last year. He was only 18 months older than me and had cancer which I had also been diagnosed with. My son and I were there at the end and it was truly awful.

I was in shock and the feeling of emptiness was terrible. We are a small family, Paul and his older brother Cluve were actually 2nd cousins and at the time of Paul's death Clive was in hospital . I have never been to his grave, he isn't there but is in my heart and I always smile at his memory. Just before he was taken into hospital we had met for afternoon tea in the posh hotel near where I live. Paul had the biggest piece of chocolate cake I have ever seen and was playing the fool.

All my loved ones are still alive in my heart and regularly send me signs. For example my Mum was an identical twin and I asked my Gran how she could tell them apart and she said Mum was always the scruffy one. Both of them loved Robins and whenever I am having a bad patch 2 Robins will appear, 1 as neat as a pin and one with a feather sticking out, they are my mum with the feather sticking out and Betty keeping an eye on me and giving me comfort

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Janet Collins

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-08-23 21:35:36

lesmal

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24/08/2023 at 12:35

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lesmal

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I lost my 92 year old Mum in March this year and my Stepfather 3 years ago.

They were fabulous parents and brought us up to be independent as well as to respect everyone, no matter what the circumstances were. We were well disciplined but at the same time all treated equal with kindness and love.

My epilepsy started at 16. I am now 66 but she made me accept it at the age of 17 and continue the battle with willpower, patience and understanding.

I love and miss them both dearly but the memories will always be cherished.

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Les

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-08-24 12:35:40

robjmckinney

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24/08/2023 at 22:20

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robjmckinney

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There can be no single solution to the death of a love one, it is very much an individual personality issue on how you deal with such matters. Many deaths have occured within my family and again how they die can affect the living. You just have to accept death is part of all our fates in life and seeing your own family face their death is part of our life. I put it away, some never get over it but we all have to move on with our lives. You never forget them and little events always trigger memories, both positive and otherwise!

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robjmckinney

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-08-24 22:20:51

Bex1891

24/09/2023 at 11:02

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Bex1891

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I lost my dad 14th August 2022, its been a year now and I'm still not over it I miss him everyday have up and down days

Been going through alot recently and as I'm still grieving I feel suicide my partner of 7 years said to me me why don't u talk to me? I said I don't like showing my emotions to anyone

He then said I need to pull myself together I feel so hurt by it that I want to shut down and no longer express my feelings to him or to anyone anymore, iv had a blip and have hurt myself I feel bad but the sharp pain took my other pain away 💔 I'm now closing up to everyone and gonna say I'm fine because that way I won't be a burden on anyone

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Becky

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-09-24 11:02:37

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Sunshine5

27/10/2023 at 00:07

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Sunshine5

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@Bex1891 I lost my father in April 2022, he was 70 years but suffered from heart failure for his last 10 years. He got steadily worse, in and out of hospital and lost 15 kilos and for a man that was built around around 5"9, it was distressing to see his health go.

I wasnt close to my father but respected him for who he was and learnt a few things from him. Despite being temperamental at times, when he passed away I wasnt sure how I would react but on the day of his funeral I was uncontrollable. I woke up everyday in the days and weeks after and kept on thinking what is life? I have lost all joy and have dreamt about my own death twice. The first was when I went in a park and entered Westminster Abbey all empty in London, just waiting for my soul to go then I woke up.

I had another dream where i went to my fathers grave but hadnt got there yet. In my mind in my dream I was expecting to be buried. Alive ? I dont know as i just woke up. Im 43, no job prospects and just taking things in my stride. My wife was close to her father and was extremely devastated when he passed away this year. Our life has been on standstill since my wife and I moved out since Covid and is very challenging to balance our her work and my attempt to earn any money online business.(That is a different matter apologies for the tangent). I hope I have not distressed anyone and the Moderator can let me know if i have.

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syusuf

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-10-27 00:07:06

Bex1891

27/10/2023 at 02:32

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Bex1891

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@Sunshine5 I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and also your wife's dad I had advice from mind to get therapy as I started to self harm and also took at over dose at the beach where we scattered my dad I was found by police laying on the beach watching the tide come near me, its called therapy for you (type into Google) you do a question air and they give u the correct therapy and then ring u to discuss which will best suit me I'm in a better mind set and thinking of my son and my neice

I don't feel like u went of on the subject I'm hear if u wanna talk, take care

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Becky

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-10-27 02:32:54

Bex1891

27/10/2023 at 02:39

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Bex1891

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@robjmckinney thank you, I just feel lost without my dad and miss him daily have tried being with him by over dosing until police found me they sat with me at the beach and were so kind they were throwing stones into the sea and tried skimming it 1 of them gave me a wake up call and said I know what it's like to loose a parent you wouldn't want your son to be without you ( his dad hasn't bothered since he was 2) so it's just me and my neice he didn't say it harshly he spoke softly and made me realise what am I doing I can't put him through that just hearing it made me want to get the help and I'm fighting my dark thoughts for him

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Becky

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-10-27 02:39:30

Sunshine5

28/10/2023 at 00:49

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Sunshine5

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@Bex1891 , sorry to hear about your father's loss. Our parents are irreplaceable but remain forever in our hearts and memories.

I hope you do recover and manage to channel your emotions that is positive as you are doing.

I can't imagine harming myself or taking my life. I have wished to disappear off the face of the earth but my faith in God is how I manage to refocus my mind.

Take care.

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syusuf

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-10-28 00:49:57

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mr chipps

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29/09/2023 at 20:25

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mr chipps

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I feel sad today because I have justcseen the defibrillator, that I bought in memory of my . It's been mounted on a wall of a local care home.

Hope the donation. Can help save other people's lives from heart attacks etc . Vutcto mecit brings back her death. R.i p my perfect pixie wife in heaven

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singing poet man

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-09-29 20:25:05

chrissie2018

30/09/2023 at 09:20

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chrissie2018

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I lost my dear mother who at the time was only 46 to cancer on March 23rd 1996 and I found it hard to come to terms with it as I was nearly 24. I know we had our differences but still feel guilty we never got to sort them out. There's never a day goes by when I don't think about her. The treatments that the NHS have nowadays weren't around in 1996 and if they had been she would still be alive today

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C Newton

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-09-30 09:20:13

NannasGirl1982

06/10/2023 at 05:51

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NannasGirl1982

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When my late nanna, who is my late dad's late mum passed away when I was still in primary school, I was heartbroken as I'm a nanna's and daddy's girl.

When my nanna came for my daddy (that's how my mum told me that my daddy had passed away), I felt like I'd lost my nanna all over again.

It's been 30+ years since my nanna went to join my granddad and auntie and it's been just over 4 years ago since my nanna came for my daddy.

I still find it hard some days to cope without my daddy as there's been a few times when I've wanted to ring my daddy for a chat and then I've remembered that he's not here anymore.

I still find it hard without my nanna too as I miss going to visit her and giving her a cuddle and making her a cup of tea as she used to say that I'd make her cups of tea better than my daddy.

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TJ BENNETT

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-10-06 05:51:42

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chrissie2018

06/10/2023 at 09:20

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chrissie2018

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@NannasGirl1982 I know how you feel. My nanna (Dad's mum) passed away when I was 11-12 and she taught me how to iron and hang out washing. I loved her to bits as she always had time to listen to me. I've never got over her loss as she was more of a mother to me due to my parents always working. My Dad remarried and is always doing things for my step family than for me I feel so left out since my mum passed away. It's like I don't exist

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C Newton

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-10-06 09:20:16

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disneychannelmogul

16/10/2023 at 16:58

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disneychannelmogul

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I lost my beautiful older sister in October in the year 2000 to breast cancer and I lost my mother on 13th June on 13th June 2002 and I lost my best friend Roger Wilkins to a massive heart attack and a stroke aged 82 on 13th April 2020 and I lost my father from a gallbladder infection and kidney failure on 11th June 2021 and my Christian friend Matthew in the last two months from arrhythmia. Matthew was 76 when he died.

I'm going through a terrible serial bereavements situation and suffer from a major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder set of illness on top of my autism spectrum condition.

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-depression/how-do-you-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one-5160 2023-10-16 16:58:55

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one?

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