Depression: Why is it so hard for us to say that we're not okay?

Hi guys!  I needed to go onto my pc and after finishing what I wanted/needed to do and although soooo hungry and unfortunately, largely fatigued (my MS does this to me), serendipitiously "discovered" your "new" comments here!   Like, I'm sure, all of you "here", extremely, strongly believe that talking/sharing our "stories", experiences with each other (and anyone who "has been there" +/or "still there"/possesses true empathy), is absolutely vital for everyone dealing with with depression!  Thank goodness we have this platform/forum/discussion group which I personally hope, believe must surely help us all in/with bringing the horrendous, disabling effects into the open which can hopefully help us all to more effectively manage this?  I desperately so wish I was able to talk more about this now but because of my aforementioned "situation(s)", need to find the energy to eat/rest first!  It's unfortunate that everyone "here" knows depression only too well BUT conversely, feel so much more optimistic re: your comments since I last commented (hope this makes sense)?  I will do my level best to "return here" tomorrow and over time, hoping our sharing/discussing with each other (and hopefully, future, additional members?), will be able to "lighten" one another?  Sending my most sincerest wishes to you all x        

Hi. After reading all the posts, how people struggle every day, The traumas they suffered  wow. I wonder sometimes do we ever stop to give ourselves a "Clap on the back or a well done"? Suppose your best friend went through the same trauma as you did? How many marks out of 10 would you give him/her? How many marks will you give yourself today for getting out of bed, going to work even having a shower? The darkest moments of our lives, are not to be buried and forgotten , rather there are memories to be called upon for inspiration to remind us of the unrelenting human spirit, and our capacity to overcome the intolerable    

The stigma surrounding my experiences with mental illness often leaves me feeling invalidated and misunderstood   I have found that people tend to have an “image” of what a person with bipolar or depression  “looks like” based on how the media has portrayed the illness in movies and television. I have also had individuals not believe I have a illness This is extremely frustrating for me. Since I have been labelled as “high-functioning,” numerous people question whether my experiences with chronic mental illness are real. . If you don’t look or act a certain way, other people may question your illness, and even overturn your experiences.

 
While the collective public knowledge of mental health and illness is increasing, there is still so much that needs to be done to increase understanding. Those with invisible illnesses, or those who are considered “high-functioning,” should not have to prove that they have a certain illness to validate their own experiences. Health is so diverse, and while many people may have the same condition, the appearance of the condition can vary widely from person to person. We need to get rid of the idea that compassion and support should only be given to those who fill the public image of someone with a specific disorder and take the time to acknowledge multiplicity in health. Doing so will provide space for everyone to tell their story, and our collective knowledge of health will grow. Understanding and validation are so important for ensuring that we are all cared for, while also allowing us to form strong connections with one another. I believe in the power of each person’s story, and you don’t need outside validation as to what you are experiencing firsthand.

 
Sharing my experiences has been painful on occasion, and while I am highly triggered by invalidation, my goal is to continue to spread understanding and create a more accepting world for all of us. Please know that if you are also struggling with invalidations, I see you, I validate you, and I invite you to share your story as well. Conflict in the form of invalidation may be painful, but if we look at these involvements as stepping stones in increasing public awareness of the diversity of health conditions, we can find purpose

 For the vast majority of my adult life, have and continue to, advocate that every individual has value and should be recognised/listened to because surely everyone has something to say, irrespective if this is agreed or disagreed with.  It is quite possible that reading "Desiderata", sometime before I was 21, may have been the origin of this belief?  Subjectively feeling and becoming increasingly grateful for living/experiencing a full life; on reflection and with greater age/experience, have always found it so much easier, more natural to recognise/applaud other individuals than myself.  Now wondering, especially after reading the 2 previous comments, if "value" and "validation" must first come from within ourselves?  Certainly have always held the intrinsic belief  that "we're all in this together"; initially applying this thought to e.g. shared physical/mental health conditions but more recently have extended this subjective concept to everyone who has lived, currently living and has yet to live?  This is due to personally feeling so positively "influenced" through past, present interactions with others in addition to hoping my interactions with my nearest and dearest "younger generation" will likewise assist them.  

Having been born in the 50's, (not in the UK), have perceived so many changes, probably no different than any other generation? Certain physical and mental health conditions i.e. cancer, depression, psychoses were frequently not openly "named" +/or widely discussed but in my particular experience(s), involving my parents' close friends and family members, symptoms seemed to be much more quickly questioned, investigated and treatment(s) initiated; much more so than presently (have lived in the UK since 1978).  Perhaps living (and being educated) in 2 different countries/cultures may well also influence my perspective.

Still remain optimistic, the more we talk, share and support one another, the healthier and happier everyone will become.

@Yank34 Hope you are doing well? and your dark days are a little brighter, No doubt that sharing and reading other posts is good. Many of us walked along the edge when in the darkest days. After a failed suicide attempt,I was given a 2nd chance at life and will do my best to appreciate every day.

@whitecross1955‍ Thank you soooo much for your reply - it has genuinely reassured and confirmed anything/everything is possible!  I can happily answer that yes, for quite awhile now have been in a much "better place"!  I'd experienced varying degrees of depression throughout my full, varied life, most of these accompanying major life events.    My WORST depression, 2-1/2 years ago, involved 2 almost simultaneously traumatic events: actually 3 days apart: a RTC (road traffic collision) - I was "rear-ended", both front seat belts broke, leaving it undrivable/"written -off" happened whilst on my way to ICU (7 miles away) to visit my dying husband; he died 3 days later.  3 days after his passing, 6 days after the accident, I suddenly experienced an episode of severe chest pain - something never before experienced   A very reluctant visit to a GP, 2 days later(?), conducting an ECG (that I never envisaged!), found I needed to go to hospital immediately, although I again arranged this "my way".   Needing to cut an extremely long story short, the above events required fairly immediate attention by myself.  Unfortunately, our/my closest friend/"unofficially adopted son" (am personally convinced my husband and himself had made a pact that he would "look after myself"), had already booked/could not cancel his upcoming 16 day holiday, works full time & lives a 45 minute journey from where I live, subsequently was unable to help myself at this time but my closest friends were invaluable, doing whatever they could to help.   The ensuing, multitudinous formalities, arrangements etc, after someone dies, is monumental at the best of times.  The above events, coupled with my fridge-freezer "dying without warning" (within 14 days of all of the above occurring), only exacerbated my "worst of times".  15 months later,  I turned to a comprehensive NHS on-line CBT program (with telephone Mentoring).  Personally wasn't optimistic, being a retired (in 2011) Qualified Nurse and later in my career, a Health & Social Care F.E. (Further Education) Lecturer/Assessor/Mentor/ that this intervention held a 50/50 chance in "turning around" individuals who experienced anxiety +/or depression - fortunately it "did the trick" for myself.  Cannot advocate strongly enough that anyone who has experienced depression needs to "be there" for others experiencing this.  Also, cannot thank you enough for "being here" - can't have too many "listening ears" and voices sharing their stories.  Apologies if I've "rambled" too much x

When I felt first became mentally unwell, I could not cope generally, as I did not know what was wrong with me. A priest friend referred me to a psychiatrist,  who he recommended. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where my parents had no relationship, so I had no one else to turn to. This was 50 years ago and there was a taboo then to have mental health illness.  I was afraid of my employer finding out about my mental health problem, so I had to be careful, who I talked to.  No one else seemed to have mental health issues, so there was no one else with whom I could share my worries.  People generally accepted the idea of having mental illness but society generally regarded this illness with fear, as they were ignorant about it and society seemed to believe that mental disease was probably incurable  and some people believed that the mentally ill person might be possessed by an evil spirit; in fact society seemed to give this illness a taboo status, implying that this mental illness could give bad luck or a curse to others, so people generally kept their distance and avoided the mentally ill person as though they had bubonic plague.  Thankfully over the last 50 years, society has changed its negative attitude towards mental illness.  After some years I a"tended a self help group called "GROW". but they rigidly followed a rule book, in all their meeting and decisions, which I found unbearable and mad, so I had to leave to get some peace. I always had this stigma about my mental illness andI remember a woman at work using the word "sinister" to describe person with obvious mental problems. My illness interfered with life in every way, at work and trying to socialise, which I found difficult as I could never accept myself as I was, and I still have this problem, to a lesser degree. I am now an old man, married and a grandfather of two children, but I am much more at ease and better able to cope with life generally.

It's hard talking about personal problems in general, but I think mental illness is the hardest. I'm able to talk about my other conditions with my family more or less, but once the topic gets to depression they change the subject.

When you know that your problems are going to be ignored, it doesn'et really motivate you to talk about it. 

Hi raindrops if you ever need to talk about depression I am willing to listen as I have lived with mental health all my life seeing my dad in a mental hospital from the age of 6 as I grew up in my dad they were called lunatic asylums, I saw everything going on in his hospital, it was hard being a kid being bullied because of him being there ,being raped at age 17 ,having a violent marriage, being hurt with 2 other marriages, and having PTSD low moods depression and anxiety, having loads of other traumatic things in my life I understand and when you try and tell your family they dont want to know so I am saying if you want to chat private message me I will always be there to listen just to let you know you are not on your own ok take care love Tigger xxx 

I was diagnosed with postnatal depression when my daughter was about 2 months old. I was put on antidepressants for it and at the time I was offered counseling, but I didn't feel ready for it as I was fighting to keep my daughter, who was between 6 months old and 8 months old when she was forcibly adopted. She's 20 this September.

My depression worsened after I'd lost my fight to keep her.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety.

When I was 36, my dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer due to smoking. He was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer due to smoking in October 2018. He passed away from terminal lung cancer due to smoking in March 2019.

The worst part for me n my fiance was we couldn't get back to my hometown of Warrington Cheshire as our universal credit had been sanctioned because of my fiance's old job centre advisor had altered my fiance's job search commitment after my fiance had left the job centre.

My fiance didn't find out what his advisor had done until he'd returned home.

Myself and my fiance were only able to attend my dad's funeral with help from my youngest sister and sister-in-law as they very kindly paid for our coach fares so that we could get back home.

We have now been back home (it's my hometown and my fiance's adopted hometown) for just over 3 years now as my youngest sis and sister-in-law helped us to move back he a few months after we'd said "night night" to our dad.

I still suffer with depression, but my fiance and my mum's lil pomchi cross Chihuahua dog know how to cheer me up.

My mum's lil pomchi cross Chihuahua dog like to climb on me and give me kisses and cuddles and my fiance does things to make me laugh.