I'm scared I'll be depressed forever.

hey everyone. my spelling and grammer is shite lol. giving you all heads up. im nice like that haha. i was 41 in may, i was 2 or 3years old me mum took me to the hospital mental health/depression im still the same but a bit worse. i have bechets which has left me partilly sighted abcess ulcers migrains/severe headaches etc/ 5/6years ago i was told i have fibro. if thats not bad enough. now i have lung cancer and spread to my chest. i have 3 years if im lucky i turned down the treatment. depression ha my head feels   like it will blow up any time. you will be ok luv beliave in yourself. get up everyday keep busy do what you want. the bad days will come and go  but think about your good days. us women are strong and fighters fact that hun. anyway sending you some hugs and think possitve. we are all here for you 

 @katz38‍ stay strong! Don't hesitate to talk to other members and to share what's on your mind.

@Jo1977‍ thank you for kind words!

You can do it, take it each day at a time. Never forget that life is worth living.

I... Assume I'll be depressed forever?

The best I believe I can manage is figuring out some way to achieve something regardless. Usually in the long term my feelings remain roughly the same or decline. But occasionally I become more productive for a little while. Being more productive makes me a little happier. I start thinking that I could finish a story or piece of art, etc. But inevitably it never gets finished.

While my self perception and general mood might not be solved by getting over that last hump and learning how to finish things, it would at least mean more small bursts of happiness to lean on. I'd like that. It'd make me feel a bit less pointless, I imagine. But I can't prove it until it happens.

I'm not sure I really have hope that it will. I'm just resigned that as long as I don't completely give up, the chance of finishing isn't absolutely nothing. So I might as well carry on. I'd rather see where this goes than just lie in bed all day.

(Even if I guiltily kind of enjoyed that, back when I was too overwhelmed to leave my bed, I lost weight due to not eating.)

I'm going to my first ever job interview next week. It might be nice to make my own way a little.

@MarionetteDoll Thank you very much for sharing your story and I hope your job interview goes well. We are all rooting for you here so please report back how it goes. I am sure you will do great and no matter, it will be a healthy experience to have.

Best of luck.

Hello, sorry I have not been on in a while. Things just have gotten worse, I barely leave my house now as I got a new neighbor who she had only moved 2 days when she came over to complain that the tv in the sitting room was to loud at night, my old neighbor who just moved round the corner, and was my neighbor for 5 years never complained about the tv or my dogs. She complains if I leave the dogs out in the back garden and take my son to and from school that they bark till we get back but when I asked other neighbors if the dogs were bothering them they said no that you would not even know that they were. So now if I want to go shopping or just go to friends I have to bring the dogs with me in the car, which is not fair on the dogs or me. So now I barely leave the house as I do not want to get into an argument with her. She is always looking out her window at us if we are going anywhere and she gives us dirty looks. My depression and anxiety are so bad now that my panic attacks have returned worse than ever. I have even started cutting again just to try and make me feel better, and not like a useless wasteful piece of space. If not for my son lately I am finding it hard to keep going

Hi everyone when I was 3 months old my dad was certified he was taken into a mental hospital every week from being a baby my mother used to take me to visit him I saw things that people today wouldn't see when I was six I started to realise what mental hospitals was like I saw things that nobody has seen I've seen my dad in straight jackets, after having ect also years ago people were put in baths with lumps of ice to send shock waves to the brain I saw all this as a child ,I have seen people sliding along walls ,people jumping out in front of me nurses with rows and rows of keys being locked in behind doors when I   visited  my dad so people couldn't get out and lots of other things  ,and because I was only six and at school I was bullied because of it all I was 15 when I left school and that's when the bullying stopped but in my day mental hospitals were then called lunatic asylums  not like today ,today they are called mental hospital in 1980 I lost my dad he fell from the hospital window and I was 26 years old so I went and identified his body and because of all what I saw and how the bullying was I now suffer with PTSD low moods depression and my anxiety is due also because of all my illnesses and everything else that has gone in through my life I thought i would share this with you all to show how i know about mental health and what it was like in my day that's why we have to stop the stigma about mental illness love and hugs tiggs 

@katz38 You're never alone with carenity. Don't be afraid to speak out about how you feel. There are many others on here who have felt, or are feeling, the same. We have many testimonials about depression which you may find comforting. You can find them by clicking here. I hope this helps.

@Tigger.co.uk‍ Thanks for sharing, that seems very difficult and you have been very brave <3 

To day as started  good, just done the school run,as I do every week day except for school holidays or if grandson as medical appointments. Eldest lad went to work early,daughter as taken granddaughter to nursery, her partner in bed a sleep just done nights. House is quiet bliss

Hi, I just wanted to say hello, but things are worse than ever, my younger sister who I had a fight with ten years ago and haven't really spoken to her since, her choice. She has 4 kids the youngest is only 6 months old and she had her christening on the 14th of December and I was not invited even though the entire 2 families were and cousins, uncles and aunts, even my son. So I had severe panic attacks and felt so useless and ugly, so to punish me for not being good enough i started to cut, which I had managed to stop  then Christmas and I usually enjoy it, not the getting presents but giving them to my brothers and sisters, as I buy presents for my si I fell out with and because she won't accept them from me, so we just say it's from my son. But while ever else gives presents as well h never does for me. I don't even know what the fight was over and I have apologised a million times to her, but she won't accept. But this my eldest niece who is 10 on Christmas day when we were giving out presents said in front of ever that she hadn't got me a present because her mother wouldn't let her. I just tod her that their hugs were the best present in the world and in her innocence she believed me, but I felt like a piece of dirt on her shoe and I had a bad panic attack and I felt stupid, and she turned around and said I was just an attention seeker and waste of time. Since then I just feel pathetic and no good. And the cutting has gotten so much worse, I cut yesterday and I cut deeper than I meant to and probably need stitches, and I have no one to turn to or get help. My family really don't understand about the depression and think that even though I am on disability due to collapsed disc in my lower back and permanent nerve damage in my back and leg, that I should be working and not be so lazy and that I am a terrible mother for my son as I am teaching him to be lazy and do nothing with his life. I would never take my life and leave my son, but lately I feel like he would he would abs be better off without me. And I have absolutely no one to talk to or go to, I barely leave the house only to drop and collect him from school and just once a week I go grocery shopping and stay home with the dogs as I got a new neighbour who is putting me through help, as if I leave the house for a bit to go see someone or go to the shop, the dogs bark for a few minutes and then settle down but she has reported me saying that they are constantly barking which they are not. So I am getting it from all sides and I am so tired of always trying to be nice and care. Just so tired. Sorry for going on