I feel I'm losing myself!

Hi Stargazer,

Welcome to my world , Sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time at the moment, I to was very lost for a long time, I was putting so much time and effort in to fighting my depression and get back to the person I used to be that I forgot to notice I don't live there any more.

I had gone through so much and had made such a massive change within myself and hadn't taken the time to acknowledge who I had became, I was a wife, a mother  and that was all that I knew, I had stopped doing anything that was me, the truth is I still don't know who I am, or even what I am about.

 But I know I am more than a wife and mother, I am not interested in the things I used to be interested in, but is all down to depression, I am not sure, I am more in the belief that I am in a state of metamorphosis, like the darkness a caterpillar experiences, in it chrysalis stage, because if I don't believe something beautiful is going to come from all this, I may stop looking for the real me.

Love Light and Peace x

i lost a friend earlier because she found out i tried to kill myself yesturday and now she wont speak to me i only have one friend left now and now im worried if i talk to her about my problems then she will leave too :( tired of living with all this stuff that i just cant get rid of :'(

Sweeties,

It scares people, it isn't that they are not a good friend, it is that they themselves, may also be in a vulnerable situation, or fear being the person who says the wrong thing to tip you over the edge, and not know how to cope with both their own feeling both as a friend and as themselves, many people see that have failed, someone with depression and it embarrasses many of them, if they have not seen through the mask, we get so good at putting on.

Your main concern should be you and your health, there is help out there, even if it is a struggle to find it, Never do something permanent for what could be a temporary state of mind.

Friends will come and go in life, hard as it sounds, I too lost many a so called good friend, it is the ones that stick around when the going gets tough that are worth worrying about.

Please don't see it as anything you have done that has made your friend behave this way, it says more about them and their insecurities than it does you.

I check on here a couple of times a day, if you ever need to vent, then please feel free to drop me a line, like many illnesses , our friends are not always visible .

Love light and peace x

the sad thing is u say friends come and go ... for me friends only go ... i cant make friends

Maybe your looking in the wrong places, I don't find it easy to make friends, and like you they do come an go, I have had many friends over my life that I like to call fair weather friends, you are there during their storm, but when it comes to yours they don't even toss you a life jacket.

I found that it was better to find friends that had more in common with me, such as yourself, because only someone that had walked in our shoes can truly understand the journey we are taking, and even though they can not be there to hold our hand and tell us it will be ok, they can shine a little light on our path to show us we are not alone, friends are not always those we see every day, sometime it is the person that just happens to pop up on the computer screen when we need a friend most.

I am 41 and would do anything for anyone, and when I took ill , friends that I had nursed over the years walked away, and my illness started with a tumour, not with depression, that came along after when I realised that so many people couldn't face a friendship , when it was me that was Ill.

I walked around really hurt for a while, then I realised the only person I was hurting was me, So I learned to live without them, I spoke to like minded people who had been on my path and some who still were, and together we followed the twists and turn of life, now when I see those fair weather friends, I am not hurt, I am sad for them, for they have lost an amazing friend, because there really are not many people in the world who would go out of there way to make another smile when they needed it most.

SO my new friend, never feel that you are walking your journey alone, for I am one of many one here that are walking in the shadows along with you, but its ok if you cant see us, for at the moment it is dark, but if you look outside and up and the moon, you will see we are right there with you in your darkest moments.

Love light and Peace x

im still not doing so well but my friend is coming round later to check on how im doing she is the only person at the moment i feel i can trust with how im feeling without judging me she is a friend everyone needs and she really means alot to me hopefully ill feel alittle better after her visit today but she wont be here for another 5 ish hours so im trying my best to be strong until then just in case i have another terrible episode 

((((((((((((((((((((((((((stargazer))))))))))))))))))))))) here is a huge hug to help you while you wait, sometimes we all need one, I hope you manage to talk things out, let me know how you are doing x

just found out a friend i was going to buy stuff from yesterday (but cancelled cos of my recent dangerous breakdown) is angry at me for cancelling so i decided to tell her that i cancelled because i needed to go get help after i attempted suicide... but she just is still angry at me for cancelling and sed i shud of brought the stuff before going to get help .... see my being alive is such a hinderence to her money making... so wots the point in my life then?! i really need my good friend to talk to but she is at work before she comes round later....

Hunny, sometimes it is better to stay alive just because it would bug the S**t out of someone.

it has given me the will to go on, on a few occasions, what that person thinks , is there opinion, and to be honest its non of your business, if they feel the need to tell you things like that, then you have to realise you are better off without such negativity in your life, especially when you need support.

I used to lose a lot of sleep over what other people thought of me, and It took me a long time to work out the only person that was losing sleep was me, many people say hurtful thing without really paying any notice to anything they are saying, then do not think about the implications of their negative words, it may be a moment on their lips but for someone with depression it is something that can run around our head for a very long time after it has been said.

We like to make sense of things, what have we done to deserve another behaviour towards us, and many times it isn't anything we have done, and the behaviour we have been shown whilst it may be off the cuff, or even in jest, can often be said out of ignorance.

There is every point to your life, you just have to look for the point, even if it is to just help and assit another thought their darkest day.

Love light and peace x

im feeling alot better now :) had a terrible episode earlier but im now happy as f**k right now :D