"Pull yourself together!": Have you been told this? How to react?

I try to ignore it , people don't understand the pain and distress they cause you. I too suffer from depression and fibromyalgia so am chronically exhausted, so even my close family and friends struggle to understand, especially when i end up using my wheelchair. It makes them feel uncomfortable that yesterday i was ok and today i'm not, i swear they think i "play on it" making people feel sorry for me , which i dont .  Hope this helps , keep talking to friends who understand xx

Hi. I am new to this forum but I am so tired of feeling guilty when I have a bad day. Today is one of those days. The medication I am on is pretty good but I still get bad days when I do not even want to go outside the door. I am a mature student but couldn't even bring myself to go to college today. My fellow students always say they miss me because I am so bubbly but they have no idea what I go through on bad days.

Hey, I am new to this, but feeling a bit lost, seeing the title of your discussion I just had to see and I know the exact feeling, the one person I thought I could rely on (my mum) keeps telling me to 'pull myself together' or 'man up' and then to top it all off, I feel like I'm getting penalised at work for it too. If you find a way to tell them politely to do one, please tell me how! 

Hi there!! I honestly feel your pain and struggle! For years now, my mum has dismissed my states of depression with comments such as; 'you're just being dramatic', and 'get over it'. It took me a while to accept the fact that some people will forever be ignorant towards the things they don't quite understand, and you know what? That is on THEM, not on YOU! The one thing you don't want to do is put yourself on the same level as ANYONE ELSE. You are in your own lane, and you will get better in YOUR OWN time. Do not let other people's words discourage and belittle you. In fact, let them motivate you to strive on, on your road to recovery! In the meantime you can smile, politely send them a link to website that explains thoroughly WHAT depression is, because frankly, such people NEED to (clearly) be educated. Some may need a bit more help getting this education, than others :) X

yes, I'm trying get over depression too-its very hard, esp. if your loves ones replyes that they "must to coping with me" -its make me feel guilty and more upset...

My husband did not understand why I couldn't just "be happy". So I wrote him a letter & give him the book "living with a black dog" to help him understand. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VRRx7Mtep8 and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

Unfortunately people still can't understand that mental illness is a physical problem, it is an illness of the brain, but because they can't see it they don't know what to do.   

I believe education is the key but that doesn't help on a daily basis, just be as open as you can with people & know that they are not doing it on purpose, they just don't know any better.  

I try to just understand it from their point as well best they can. I do explain to them that it's not as easy as that or I would have done that years ago but try to understand they aren't trained to deal with what we are going through and simply don't know what to say so they give a cliche. Sometimes these people just want so badly for us to get better and really don't understand why we can't just pull it together.

Given time they will see it's simply not that easy and hopefully help you in more constructive ways.

Regards

Ben

I was diagnosed with depression in 1992. I'm not sure whether my whole world fell apart because I was depressed or whether my whole world fell apart and caused my depression. I tried to take my life 3 times and was in a clinic for 3 months. Did I mean it or was it a cry for help? My mind never stops asking me questions I am unable to answer. Like. Am I an attention seeker? Am I just a spoilt brat.? Am I a poor little rich girl trying to get her own way? Am I a drama queen? Or a martyr?  I can remember my parents saying all these things to me in my youth.   I want there to be a reason for me being so miserable as if I want to blame someone or something but then am I shirking my responsibility?   Who can answer all these questions for me. Am I the only one who asks all these questions of myself?  Am I going mad?   I take on all the bad comments made to me and question them and believe them. Like "your a difficult person to love", "you were not a good motheR because you went to work" I repeat these over and over again in my head and have been since 1992. I go to bed at night and write letters in my mind to people I think or know I've upset with words on the envelope "not to be opened until after my death" I try to please everyone but it's a real effort. I don't really want to do anything for anyone or go anywhere I don't even want to do anything for myself. It's a big effort to even get out of bed in the morning.  Am I lazy, do I care.  Am I making excuses. I'm riddled with guilt all the time. How do you stop these thoughts and think more of yourself. How do you just not give up. Tablets don't do it. I was on fluoxetine since 1992 up until my doctor changed it in 1997 to  venlafaxine but apparently something I didn't know is that you get used to your medication and now I've just been changed back to fluoxetine again because I'm so down. How do you love yourself When there's nothing to love. How do you love others like your husband and children when you feel void of any emotions except misery. You know you're supposed to love them so you say you do but really you'd just rather shut yourself away from everyone. I even feel guilty in case I don't really love my husband and children. I know in my heart of hearts that all this is stupid but feelings seem to outweigh reality. I'm soooo fed up of feeling like this and everyone around me must feel fed up with me being like this. When I meet other people I am the life and soul of the party and have a wicked sense of humour but it's not how I feel inside.     I could go on and on aking up your time talking about myself but people if you weren't depressed before, when you've read this, you will be. Lol. Seriously I would welcome with open arms your comments to stop me driving myself mad.      Miseryguts

I'm so sorry to you all. I've just poured my heart out and not realised this is a discussion and help page. I only joined a short while ago today and not really found my way around but having been selfish and taken up most of this section I will trouble you all no more but am deleting myself so as not to disrupt your discussions with helping each other again.     Much love and best wishes to you all. Xxx

Hi. I am not too sure if you will still read this post as it says you are an unregistered user now. But if you do come back and read it which I hope you will I have a bit of advice to offer. First you don't have to apologise on here for pouring your heart out. It's perfectly fine. This is hopefully a place you can open up. I would also recommend if you haven't getting counselling. I once was diagnosed with bipolar and given the meds for it, turns out ten years later I actually had borderline personality disorder. Some of the feelings and worries you have can fit in line with that diagnosis, for me medications aren't an option with this and I have been told only counselling will work. I have been in very regular counselling the past year and it has helped a lot. As with anything though it's trial and error. And you have to find the right counsellor for you. It has to be one you feel totally comfortable with. Some counsellors I have had I haven't clicked with, it wasn't that they weren't good at their job but as with different people you meet in life their has to be that comfort and trust there for it to work.

Hopefully you do read this and maybe consider this option. 

Ben