Shame and worthlessness

Hi Mary, firstly take a look around this site and see the amount of people who do and are willing to understand you, Even some that have had similar experiences as you, you wont be judged!

My advice would be to start thinking about YOU and try not to make sense of things especially on your own, You are the most important person in your life and you have succeeded in coming through some horrific times. That makes you a strong and determined individual (a good thing), you say you are a perfectionist which again is not totally bad but you need to be a perfectionist for you and no-one else.

It sounds very much like you blame yourself for other peoples faults and failings and i think that is wrong. I care too much i try too much instead of concentrating on me.

Keep talking and sharing you can stop feeling like this.

phil

Hi Mary and welcome to the group. I  totally agree with Phil ; you will only get positive support and understanding from those on this site.

You really do have to now put you first; invest time in you. You really now need to be gentle on yourself. Stop worrying so much about others and their opinions. As Phil states you need to stop owning other people failings/opinions , let them be responsible for their own actions.

You sound like a lovely, caring person and I am sure that you are so loved by others but due to your low self esteem you choose to ignore this fantastic opinion.

When we are depressed; self worth flies out of the window, I speak from experience. No matter what we do , we don't do it right. We aren't good enough to be included in others conversations and so it is easier to step back and be a bystander.

We constantly tell ourselves how no one loves us, don't appreciate us or take us for granted but we still go back for more. We are our own worst enemies. We over analyze things , we are so self critical. We feel so lonely.

Am I right, do these statements ring any bells?

Mary, you have been through so much in your young life and so it is understandable why you feel the constant need to be accepted and valued.

You need to concentrate on building up your self esteem/self confidence.

You have so much to look forward to in life.

Don't ever think that you are alone because you are not, nor is what you are feeling is your sole journey. It isn't.

The below became my mantra when I was in a very, dark, frightening tunnel known as anxiety depression. i pinned it up and every time I walked passed it I would recite it. You could try it and you will believe it as your path gets lighter. It really will with help ; talk, talk and talk some more .This is the ideal place to do it.

HERE I AM. 

THIS IS ME.

and I am stronger than you ever thought I'd be.

Learn to love yourself for yourself.

Little by little, day by day.

Big hugs wrapped with love. xxxx

Hi Mary,

You will never be judged on this site as many of us battle the same debilitating issues as you. I myself have depression, anxiety, PTSD and angina. I too have all those feelings about myself, and my favourite thing to call myself is "damaged goods" or "broken inside". It has wrecked relationships and this has made me wary of getting close to people, even my own family. If like me you have battled this on your own for many years, it's difficult to break the cycle, however there is help out there, both professional and non professional. I have help from the mental health team and my GP, but I also have support on this site. 

It's easy to tell ourselves that everything is our fault, we must be bad, we must have deserved it.......but it wasn't and we didn't.

Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days, I know the PTSD will never go away... but I will learn to control it better, especially the anger that comes with it.

You must talk to someone, GP or crisis team for professional help, but if you just want to talk to someone who understands what you are going through then I am always here.

Take care of yourself, no one else is important but you

Debs

Personally, I think you should feel proud of yourself, not ashamed. You have obviously had some really horrible experiences in the past. A lot of people don't understand how much courage it takes to accept this, talk about it openly (particularly to people you don't know) and ask for help. That takes guts. You are definitely worth something. And don't feel like a burden. Everyone has issues these days, we just need to help each other.

Equally, though everyone has had different past experiences, I bet there are so many people who share similar feelings to you. I am also a perfectionist, have massive social anxiety, and a serious fear of failure. Like, if something I do is wrong or goes wrong, it will totally destroy me. It can make me really anxious to try new things because I'm terrified it will fail in some way and I'll look like an idiot. You are definitely not alone in how you feel. 

You are still young as well, so I really hope you will be able to address and cope with the issues your past has caused so it won't affect you for the rest of your life. There are loads of professionals who specialist in traumatic experiences that can help with this. 

All the best.