depression

im married with 3 grown up kids and have 2 grand kids my family is a joke and often fall out with eachother i havent seen my brother in years and me and my sister dont get on well . my daughter wont talk to me and stopped me seeing my grandkids . i took her too court and won only a hour visit a month .my mam and dad got devorced when i was young and i ended up livving with my father and his new wife and children we often got beat and neglected pretty badly . inc verbal stuff. i got picked on at school also# im now 46 and life is so hard and lonely and my poor husband is the one left to cope with me and my illness my family did the damage yet they blame my partner . the damage was done bfr i met him 

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Hi @sheepiesue

The old saying about being able to choose your friends but being stuck with your family is quite true I think.

Looking on the bright side, thak goodness you have your husband to help you through your illness.  It sounds as if he cops with it and supports you.

As much as it hurts, if your family were at the root of your problems, then perhaps it is healthier for you not to have too much contact with them - just a thought.

Have you tried CBT?  It really helped my eldest son come to terms with some of his problems, which were due to his relationship with his father in childhood.  Might be worth a try.

Suncatcher2015

@sheepiesue , I am very sorry for all that you went through . I also come from a broken family and I also went with my Dad . I didn't get beaten , but I would say I was emotionally abused . I felt at the time that losing my Mum was a consequence of deciding to live with my Dad . At the time I blamed her for them splitting up . I was too young to understand how desperately unhappy she was . I felt devastated at the time , but my parents were too wrapped up in their own pain to notice how deeply I was disturbed by the whole episode . I went off of the rails and felt unloved or unlovable . Because of what I had been through it made me give 60% and only expect 40% in any relationship .

                                       A girl I loved very much , who I was with for 4-5 years went off with my best pal who I loved like a brother . This broke my heart and became the foundation for a roller coaster hell ride of a life . I became very depressed and mixed with all the wrong people ... One night a girl and her boyfriend came round to visit me and she spiked my drink with amphetamine while I was out of the room . I was talking and laughing with them until the sun came up , I didn't know what was happening , only that I felt good and no longer felt depressed . From then on I started going to raves on weekends and using  uppers , but at that time , infrequently .

                                              I eventually met the mother of my children . Very deeply in my heart all I ever wanted was to settle down , to love and be loved . I wanted to clean up my act and become a family man . Our relationship was very volatile . We always rowed over nothing , she would storm off out and come home with all the joy of spring , this pattern continued throughout our entire relationship , it soon became apparent to me that it made no difference whether I agreed , disagreed or met my daughters mother half way . The relationship finally ended when I felt it no more painful to leave than to stay . My heart was shattered . I can honestly say this was one of my lowest points , I felt almost suicidal  .

                                            Two weeks after we split I was contacted by the social services that my two daughters had been placed into care and they informed me that their mother was a heroin addict , which she later admitted she had been all through the pregnancy and the entire time I had known her , I immediately filled for custody . While in the middle of the custody battle of me and three other parties ( her ex before me who had a daughter who is a half sister to my two , the foster carer and my ex ) I wrote a letter to my ex telling her if I won the custody battle she would still see the girls . The following morning a social services woman came to my door holding the letter , she said " Daren , you have to let her go or you will never get your girls " that was the final nail in the coffin , she had hurt me as much as possible and I could take no more .  I eventually got joined custody with my parents and between us we did a good job , though I was emotionally scared and so deep in depression I just couldn't break free .  I started using stimulants again to bring me out of depression , a crutch that took me years to escape from . 

                                           I now have two loving daughters I think the world of . I am troubled by my mistakes of the past but they are over shadowed by the good things I did . I love my Daughters with all my heart and I guess that is how I have clawed my way back to sanity . I have become very strong mentally and feel that I can now face what ever life throws at me . I have many medical problems but physical pain is a walk in the park compared to the psychological hell I have been through .

                                              What helped me more than any other therapy was about 18 months of one to one psychotherapy . I discovered the root cause of all of my mental anguish . If you can find the root cause and understand where these emotions come from , then you will learn how to cope and deal with them . I am 47 now , but I truly believe that the best of my life is yet to come .... My sincere best wishes to you and your husband x

Daren x 

ty darren for your story wow man it really moved me what u have been through 

Hi @xdarenx

What is great, is to see that you have come such a long way and are prepared to use your experiences to help others. 

Suncatcher2015

@Suncatcher2015  , I want to help those that want to be helped .... some do rub me up the wrong way , and I sometimes react badly , but this does not happen very often ... It takes a particular brand of negative person to push my buttons .... I am not infallible , but I try my hardest to help others as much as I can .... @sheepiesue , you are very welcome :-)

Daren :-)   

@xDarenx - I am quite laid back too - here is very few people I meet in life that I can't get along with, but occasionally I do come across the odd one :)

hi there i have had depression for a number of years ad there is a lot of people who don't understand the condition 

I agree @sammylou , I think there should be much more public education on all mental health issues.  Because it is not a 'visible' illness, people don't understand that it can be just as debilitating as any other.

@Suncatcher2015  , I have gone so long without a depressive episode that I had almost forgotten what it felt like . For many years I have been treated for osteoarthritis in my neck and degenerative wear . Now after seeing a different consultant I have received a letter from him saying that in his opinion none of my symptoms are anything to do with my neck . I have another letter from a surgeon saying that " there is indication for an operation " . This has thrown me back months . I feel rock bottom . Not only that , I also asked to be put on pain patches expecting Fentanyl , but he has suggested to my GP that I am put on an opiate patch intended for recovering addicts . I am outraged , angry and very depressed . I will do something positive as soon as I get over the shock of this . I will ask my GP to transfer me to Basildon hospital for a second opinion . I will not go down without a fight