My Boyfriend is pushing me away, because of his depression.

This feels like the situation that I am in at the moment my fiancé has been diagnosed with depression over Christmas and he has had a hasooital stay but was discharged nearly two weeks ago but since he has been released he has taken a step back from me is quite distant we still talk but it’s so different I just don’t know what will happen if he needs space to process all the things that have happened in the last month he asked for space and time which I am giving him I just don’t know either what to do or what to say I feel for you I really do i understand how you are feeling we are due to be married this year and it was to be the happiest year and now I just don’t know how it will all pan out if it’s the illness and to just give him time and space it’s just so so hard to know 

@Bethxx @Angeline19 Hello ladies,

I am very sorry to hear that you are both going through this. Depression is a really tricky and difficult disease that unfortunately is a "family disease" as it has an impact on everyone.

Many people do push their loved ones away when they are depressed because they can genuinely feel that the people in their life will be better off without them. I think you should give him some space...I know it is difficult to do this when you really care about someone but you have to put yourself first. Especially if you're prone to depression.

I hope things look up for you both xx

Thankyou @Angeline19‍ @Pleasance‍ 

its so difficult, I’m so desperate to be there for him and giving him time and space is also hard. I just keep thinking that’s he’s going to end it and that is the last thing I want. He’s really difficult to read aswell, some days he barely speaks to me and other he phones me a few times. I don’t show him my hurting, I just make sure he knows I’m strong and there for him. He told me he likes to be by himself when he feels like this and that he isn’t shutting me out (even though he is) so maybe he is just setting me aside until his head is straight and he doesn’t actually want to break it off with me? Being an over thinker is the worst! I know for sure that the man I met at the start isn’t the man he is just now, I’m just hoping that he can sort himself out. He told me that just because he wants to be himself just now doesn’t mean he won’t be like that forever and he probably will let me in? Is this a positive? He also said he respects that I’m still here for him. I just don’t know what to make of it all for my own sanity

I suffer with depression, and when im low, I do the same thing.luckily my husband is very understanding or we would have split up long ago.It must be hard for someone especially if they dont understand what it does to a person.All you can do is be there for him when he needs support

 

Lu

@Bethxx How are things now? I hope you are all keeping well xx

Hello, things are a lot better now although they got a lot worse before they improved. 

He got even more distant with me and I knew something was up. He cheated on me with his ex. He told me this himself and although I have not forgiven him or anything I do believe him when he says it was the biggest mistake and wake up call of his life and made him realise how much I have cared for him and supported him through him pushing me away. 

I don’t want anyone to judge me for taking him back, I truly cannot see myself with anyone else and he is making up for his mistake. He knows it’s going to take a lot for me to trust him again but we are both willing to work through it. Since this happened and we started working through it I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been and he has told me he has never loved me as much as he does now, but in a deeper way as he has realised how strong I actually am. He respects me a lot more and knows he can confide in me. 

I’m not saying everything is perfect, it’s far from that but we are stronger now and I’m determined to put as much into this relationship as I can. And so far he is doing the same, he’s been perfect. Even when I’ve gotten upset about it all he’s been right there. I really do hope we get through this. 

Be careful Beth, that you don't become the one that puts everything into the relationship because you were already doing that previous to the breakup. Keep a little of yourself back do not give your all for a while. It looks like his ex had a psychological hold on him regarding the child and she probably knew that. If you and your boyfriend both had a baby of your own this would change things dramatically, regarding that psychological hold. I wish you both the best of luck and I really hope it works out for you.

Hello, Very sad situation. I have spent the last 5 years standing by, and even now at a distance, supporting the woman I love through her depression. Although she appears to be back to her normal self, she still has periods of being non communicative, and a right pain to deal with, and in the past my mental health suffered. I have known her for over 20 years, and been in an intimate relationship for about 14 years. I now need to distance myself from her, otherwise my mental health is likely to deteriorate even further. This is going to break my heart, but I can not think of any other way to go. I am not a youngster, and life is too short to wait for, in my case, a miracle! My advice would be, to be patient, but be strong enough to walk away before your life is ruined 

@Bethxx @deanosal @jacquigm Thank you all for sharing your stories and helping each other! 

Hi guys looking for some advice, me and my ex partner have bee together 9 years shockingly in April 2017 he was diagnosed with a Brian tumor non cancerous tho thank the lord and he received surgery to remove part of it but has left him with so many hormone problems, we struggled to have a baby but luckily conceived after treatment and she is now 9 months,, within the last few months I started noticing he was acting different and wanted to go out with friends more and I started feeling insecure like didn't love me anymore, so we kept arguing because I felt he didn't love me, argued alot and just last week he went to his mums and broke it off with me and said he needed time and he doesn't even know who he is anymore and can't keep treating me like this and I deserve better, before all this we were amazing, I honestly beleive he is the one and he's just shutting me off, every time I try be there and try talk about us he says he can't do it anymore, aso last few moths I've noticed he diesnt cry anymore, feel like I've lost the guy I was gonna marry, he's like a total different person and all of a sudden wants me to let him go and me let hi go, so hard to accept All this  says he has to fight this alone, at his doctors been diagnosed with ptsd but he still wants to do it alone