Why are PD's pn the down low

Hi I'm Linda 38 years old, i'm from burnley lancashire but now live in blackpool lancashire been here 9 years now, i have 2 children Christopher 20 and Bethany 10...but there don't live with me for personal reasons. i suffer with Emotionally Unstable Borderline personality disorder and Anxiety..I self harm and  I get a lot of suicidal thoughts and overdose quite a lot. i cut my arms legs ect i even ligature, I don't go out much due to my Anxiety, and i suffer with bad asthma. I lost all my friends because i tried to take my life now i don't have any friends because i'm scared if i make friends and find out my mental state or diagnosis there won't want to know me 

If people don't want to know you because of who you are my lovely they are not worth your time. The problem I am having with the diagnosis is accepting it, but I know it is who I am and I will eventually grow to know who that girl is in the mirror once again.

I have self-harmed a lot in the past but not as much recently, however I have used drinking as an alternative coping method. 

Above all this is tiring, to have to get up every day and put on a smile when inside I am screaming and ripping my hair out. I recently lost a very close friend and it has been hard to remain in control and I often find myself sobbing and wailing about it. 

Life will go on, and we have to find reasons to get up and get out, even if it's something like stroking a random cat, seeing a pair of shoes you like and can afford, finding that jaffa cakes are on offer in Tesco or even just seeing someone smile at you.

If you are sad, be sad, let it wash over you and really feel it, fighting it will only delay the inevitable, so sit there and let it happen, it will pass. 

Namaste. 

xxx

Hey Rosie

I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD, although it hasn’t come as a shock, if anything it’s sort of a relief. Having said that, I’ve been told the waiting period for the type of therapy I need is 12 months minimum, so I feel a bit lost and left up in the air.

I self-harmed for around 9 years on and off, and haven’t cut for a couple of years now. I feel as though I’ve replaced the habit with others though (I used to drink excessively, now I smoke marijuana almost daily). I’m holding down a job and am now studying… somehow. I still get urges to cut as it’s the only thing that has ever “brought me back down to earth”

I totally understand the whole “feeling every emotion at 200%” thing. When I’m in tune with my feelings, it feels like an adrenaline rush, somewhere between panic and excitement (it can go either way but almost always ends in panic). It’s completely overwhelming and feels like the equivalent of white noise in my brain. What I’ve noticed about my behaviour is that I zone out a LOT, and tend to depersonalize for long periods, followed by an extreme outburst/episode of emotions… then rinse repeat.

I go through short phases of feeling “myself” where I’m able to go out and see friends (people at one of our local music bars, usually) but they’re few and far between, meaning most of the time I feel pretty lonely. It’s hard to maintain contact and keep friends when you’re so unstable, and unfortunately, most people just do not get it.

It’s been nice seeing that someone else understands what BPD is like. Feel free to message me if you want to chat further

Peace & Love

Rosa x