pain, bullying and depression

Hi Jacqs, don't give up. Your mind is tell you to give up only because you feel you can't cope & it's the easy way out, to stop the pain, but believe me your family will feel more pain then you could ever imagine if you left them. Think of your little grandson he needs his Nana around even if your daughter makes you feel he doesn't. I've been in a similar position, my daughter has by-polar (recently diagnosed) She is 27 this year. She has a son & I was & sometime still is a vent for her anger. Remember the way you're feeling, low & most probably depressed & also in pain this is making everything feel ten time worse. Have you tried talking therapy?? I've suffered from depression for most of my life(mostly reactive) & I've been on & off meds for a long time. I tried CBT & it worked for me. It doesn't have to be CBT, it can be any kind of talking therapy. Why not talk to you doctor about how you feel & what's been happening, I'm sure he'll help you as much as he can, it's his duty to help you.

I'm thinking of you & don't give up, if you need to talk message me,

You take care, Mary x

thank you Mary.

I have my last appointment today with a pain psychotherapist, but your only allowed 6 appointments. I can see now where she was coming from - by me not speaking my mind as i think too hard about what will happen if i do, then things get worst , as i get even more hurt and other people do too. I think she must have used CBT. but even though i understood , to put it into practice is hard.

I am in the process of seeing another group which deals with anxiety and depression. 

How did your daughter get diagnosed and what was she doing to get diagnosed?  

I too, i think, have been depressed a lot of years on and off.  I let my ex husband bully me and eventually left him with the big house, money car and worst of all, my 2 daughters , as i was scared to take them. i wanted joint custody and had to fight for it as he used them against me too.

I feel all this is coming back to haunt me.  My eldest daughter even mocks me, like her dad did, when i try to reason with her. 

She says she loves me - then mocks me. How can she not even let her little boy see his great nana ? (my mam).  

my youngest daughter is due to come collect her belongings today.  She is 24.  She uses her room as an- in between -place , storage.  i never know when she's here or not.  she never pays any food money or money towards bills and even though I've asked, never has done. I have cooked, washed clothes, let her stay when her b/f dumped her without question. Yet, because I wouldn't go and have a go at her cousin and my sister for her (her cousin shouted at her the other evening) i never stick up for her..like other mothers would! my eldest is on this band wagon now and also using the fact my partner (who is on the verge of leaving me due to this) lost his temper - my grandson can't stay anymore.

Sorry to go on - 

How do you feel now? How did you take control of your life and keep your grandson and daughter close?

x

Thank-you for messaging me back, don't be afraid to talk, the more you talk the better you'll feel, " a trouble halved is a trouble shared" as my dear mum use to say. Sounds to me as though most of your troubles lay with your daughters, and all you can do is love them & it feels as though they don't see this. I felt this way with my daughter, from puberty I knew that there was something more wrong with her then "just hormones." Then like you I left my husband because of his behaviour, bullying, controlling & sometime violence. I don't think that all of her problems stems from her by-polar, that's an easy way out. She saw how her dad treated me, she used to call me weak because I let him do those things to me, she admitted she was angry with me for letting him do it. It wasn't until she had her own child that she understood what a mothers unconditional love is how we keep quiet to keep the peace. I told her she needed to see a doctor several times before she admitted that there was something wrong, she also has polycystic ovary syndrome which brought on the by-polar, my grandson was a miracle you could say as she was told at the age of 18 that she would never conceive, my grandson is 6 now. The only way I can describe of keeping my daughter close is to tell her I love her as often as possible as for my grandson we are very close anyway, I look after him a lot. There is a lot more that has gone on in our relationship, I could write a book!! I find that my love for my children & grandchildren ( I also have a 30 yr old son ) keeps me going. I also love walking & nature & I have 2 dogs & 2 cats which I adore. Remember this on your darkest days no matter what is said your daughters will always love you. I feel very much that yes they are angry with you (not your fault at all) yet they can't get there heads around why you let him bully you & also why you left them. I think that maybe you are feeling guilty to, that's understandable but again none of it is your fault. Please let me know how you get on & me in myself I'm feeling much better thank-you but I know that there will come a day when I will hit the floor again, but like always, I'll be prepared.

You take care, sending peace & love x x x

hello Mary.  

thank you again.  i saw the pain therapist yesterday and am seeing the doctor today,so i will likely be back on antidepressants for depression (not my facial pain this time).  

my partner of 8 years has told my youngest to pack her stuff and leave and yesterday she did.  I never wanted her to leave even though she has been a contributory to all this. (asking me to stick up for her against my niece and sister) screaming at me saying i never stick up for them and i am their mother!...lots of this sort of stuff in the past. But they are my daughters and i love them.  

I honestly don't think my partner will stay with me much longer, as he knows how upset i am about my daughter leaving.

My youngest daughter sent me a message last night - (I have a very old staffy) saying "when you take betty to the vets, please can i come as she has been my dog longer than your partners.  and i never want to see him ever again. but i want to be with betty and so does my other daughter.....

i feel so sad and down. 

i wish everyone got on again in my family. 

I've been here believe me, when you love your family so much & they say hurt full things it feels as though a knife has been twisted inside of you. See what happends at the doctors today, I'll be thinking of you. Tell him all you can, Maybe your partner could go with you next time you go, it might help him understand a little more. It will all take time but I expect you know this already. As for your little dog, I would let your daughters go to the vets with you. I think you'll only regret it if they don't & he is a living breathing creature who's been apart of the family. Try & get outside as often as possible, it will help to clear your head, nature is a wonderful healer. Even if you live in a city or town I'm sure you'll find a quiet spot somewhere. The way your feeling at the moment is making thing feel 10 time worse. Your partner doesn't like the way your daughter has treated you, but she is your daughter. One day when your all feeling calmer you must all sit down & ask each other what the problems are, you may all be very surprised! then you can all start to help each other.

Good luck today & please let me know how you get on x x x x

PS. I've sent you a friends request, feel free to private message me anytime x