my life and me.

Hi meg, you dont say what help you recieve if any with the episodes, have you been diagnosed etc?

firstly my advice would be to stop beating yourself up because you dont understand. You quite obviously have an illness that needs taking care of and no matter how hard you try yourself your head wont make sense. Talking and taking steps to help yourself will work wonders.

I am going through therapy at the moment where i have just listed all the negative things of my past, they were written down and to see a pattern emerging makes me understand a little more why i self harm and fall into deep dark holes. Its not an answer but seeing a reason why stops me trying to understand.

all the best 

phil

Hi Meg, I completely agree with Phil, no matter how hard you try to make sense of what triggers off your need to harm/be hurtful you won't be able to identify the actual trigger/why.

Don't waste time over analyzing your actions. The mind can play cruel mind games resulting in us being so hard/hard on ourselves.

Get/accept all the help available. Most importantly, take time out for "you". Anything, no matter how small ;will in time make you appreciate the things that you would once feel so negatively about.

Take time to notice the flowers instead of the weeds. 

As Phil mentioned , write a list of the negative things; then replace those negative points with a positive one. This will be hard at first but in time the positive list will be greater than the negative ones. For every negative there is a positive.

When you are feeling stressed; remove yourself to a calmer place; go for a walk, listen to music, do some gardening. This will not only help you feel calmer within, it will give you valuable head space time to not only calm down but it will also help to release the "happy hormones".

Talking really is the best tool to use, the added bonus is that it is free. This group is a blessing as no one knows you but no one judges you. All you receive is a friendship but also advice/words from those who have first hand experience and so understand what you are going through.

Sometimes, if you are hurting yourself , it is so easy to hurt others as a release valve, but sadly as you are aware, that release is very short lived as you calm down and go over what you have said. You hurt those you love the most.

This is part of your illness and so don't beat yourself up too much.

Concentrate on your breathing when you can feel your emotions building up. I still concentrate on my breathing to calm myself down /relax.

You are not stupid so please don't think of yourself like that. Learn to be gentle on yourself. Often we are own worst enemies when we are ill, a fact which you  accept.

Always here if you would like a friend to walk your journey with you.

Big hugs wrapped with love.

Julie