I dont know how to cope anymore

I am new to all this and its been advised I suppose to speak out to others in my position. I have recently gone through a massive change in my life and now I don't know how to get it back.

I will start with the immediate time being and go from there. On the 22nd of April I woke up in the morning not feeling my usual self, more like a I don't want to move situation. I was tired from lack of rest and body was slightly shaky which I put down to being over tired and generally not getting a good rest that night. however I was going to a massive meeting with staff up and down the country attending and when I got there I was still feeling shaky but just thought hey pull your socks up and you will be fine. the more I sat in this meeting the more I felt unwell and generally felt like my head was screaming I want to sleep! I am tired! and the more I thought this the more I couldn't control the shakes. it ended up me getting up half way through the main managers presentation and walking out to get fresh air as I felt like I was being crushed. The dizziness started and constant shakes began and from then till today I have had them all the time. I did what most people do and go doctors and try to get some jist of what was happening but they all put it down to my ear and telling my had an inner ear infection and not to get stressed (Ha like that is so easy)

Anyhoo weeks have have turned into a few months and the stress of not going work, not driving and not even being able to commit as a wife (Cleaning etc) it started to get me in dark places again. I looked up and researched so many conditions that could be making the dizziness and light head happen and maybe that was the issue as most of the problems were issues that wouldn't go away so easily.

You see I thought this was all down to my ear and infections and gone through medication and more medication to try and resolve the issue. I have been to hospital when the dizziness has become too much and nothing helped. they thought it was an allergy etc and more which had left me in a dark hole trying to crawl out of. Family have been there however I never felt like I could justify how I was feeling and what I was going through.

It weren't until recently I thought about the events that led up to it. So before my dizziness and feeling unwell I had been working all the hours I could in my sales career. I was sometimes waking up at 5 am and getting ready for work and driving an hour to get to the venue (as I worked in event sales) I was working with people that I knew backstabbed me and pitched everyday as hard as the last to make the sales figures required. I helped all my team regardless of what they thought to do processes and often was emailing the manager and arranging things at 9pm at night. it got so bad that it was almost like I was obsessed with having to prove a point that I could do it. I never could wind down and when I went bed it was like the brain switched on and not off. I would come home from work and clean the house or start DIY on my days off in order to keep the house tidy and clean. I would run around all the time even when I got home, so I never seemt to shut down at all. The stress of running the house and working nearly 60 hour week in between staff calling all the time (even on days off) was becoming tiring and I felt myself keep saying "next day off I am turning it off and relaxing" but never did.

In between all this I was fighting a Visa application for my husband and working to to pay the solicitor fee's and also went through a traumatic experience at the dentists (as I have a phobia of needles and dentists) three weeks before I got ill.

So generally I look at it and think what a mess I had become. When I first was off with the dizziness all I did was sleep and more sleep, I could sleep beyond 12 hours and still go back to sleep and feel tired when I weren't, which my mum has always said I must have needed it.

So now weeks down the line I have come to realise and the reason to giving the back ground is that maybe just maybe I had blown my fuse. As my memory has been effected (Short term) that is as I find it hard processing normal everyday tasks. I have moments where I am so tense my back and shoulders and now jaw hurt so badly that I cant lie anywhere. I have cried and cried and nothing ever enough to stop the crying and the feeling of despair has been massively impacting. its almost like before this happened and now that I have had the flight or fight feeling all the time. I just want to run away and disappear.

so I know who has read this probably thinks damn what a mess (Sorry about the humourism, its something I do to cheer myself up) however I am not wanting someone to diagnose me, if anything I guess I want someone to listen and chat as I have no friends that I speak to and my family (again a reason I am depressed) I also don't speak to at all. so anyone just wanting to give some kind words would mean a lot as sometimes strangers on the same boat speak the kindest of words.