feeling insane .

Depression can take on many many faces. I would guess you have just entered one of the many. But what you describe doesn't seem insane/psychotic. I have been there a number of times so I have a fair idea. Psychosis in depression generally takes on one or both of two experiences. 

The first is Hearing Voices. These can appear to come from inside your head  or outside. The voices can seem as real as if an actual person was there speaking them. Probably the most common content is negative comments about you. You are useless and are never going to get better, that sort of thing. Just about as common are commands. You may hear a voice saying kill yourself or something similar. How often this happens depends on how unwell you are. It can vary from occasionally to virtually constant.

The second is Delusions. This is where a person comes to firmly believe that something for which there is no evidence is absolutely true. I have 3 friends who are in this state. The first believes that her internal organs are rotting and giving off a foul smell. Another believes she is subject to a terrorist plot to kidnap her. She interprets all sorts of things in terms of this. The last time I saw her a car parked in her street for 5 minutes. She entered into a panic state driven by the thought that this was the kidnap attempt she had been convinced of for so long. The third has a very common form of delusion- thought broadcasting. She believes that her thoughts are broadcast like radio waves and that anyone nearby can pick them up.

You aren't even slightly into that sort of territory. I would put any thoughts about insanity totally out of your mind. Whatever is happening to you, it certainly isn't madness.

thank you steve , but what if i trully believe i am mad ? is that not a delusion ..

I have met hundreds of people who thought they were insane/psychotic over the years. Very few actually were. The problem was that most people do not have first or second hand experience of psychiatric illness. So they consider behaviour as one of two things normal or crazy. They were not aware that all kinds of unusual things could happen that were symptoms of things other than psychosis.

There is only one  thing you say that would lead me to think about psychosis for more than a few seconds. That is that you feel everyone can see you are mad. But feeling isolated and different from other people is a common depression theme. If I haven't put your mind at rest I would make an appointment with your GP. There are standard questions you ask when you are looking at possible psychosis. I'm sure your GP would ask them. 

If you don't improve or get worse I am happy to talk with you some more.

Love

Steve

thank you steve , but if i do manage to get outside , i do feel as if everyone can see im mad , i dont know if its just anxiety i just know i cant hide it , i tell my husband ive gone mad , is it treatable , i have told the dri feel mad and im afraid to go out , but i trully forget what i say , feeling so scared love daphne 

Dear Daphne,

Were you psychotic, and I still don't think you are, there is treatment. There is a group of 8 or 9 drugs, the second generation anti-psychotics. Unfortunately these are very potent drugs. They can have significant side effects and some claim these can be drastic, like triggering Type 2 Diabetes. I wouldn't recommend anyone to take them unless it is absolutely essential.

The alternative is to make alterations to your anti-anxiety medication. Since I don't know what you take already I have no way of knowing whether there is room for an increase.

If you are really significantly distressed I think you should go back to your GP and tell them you need drug treatment. If they decline, it would probably be better to move up the ladder to the Community Mental Health Team for your area. They probably see psychosis 10 times a day so their diagnosis and recommendations for treatment are likely to be pretty reliable. Take care of yourself.

Love

Steve

Hi Daphne,

While a little different, I know where you're coming from.  I used to go outside and feel I was being judged the whole time, not as mad but certainly different, although better than I was, I think my 'photophobia' and need to wear sunglasses in daylight is a defence mechanism against seeing anyone eye to eye.

I don't think you are mad, but like me, you feel out of place in the world, and therefore feel like everyone can see something different about you.

Problems with memory seems to be a common feature of both medications and depression.

Hello Daphne,

I think that all the comments have been really accurate, part of being depressed includes all kind of physical changes sometimes. When I was hospitalized I was roomate with a girl that was convinced that she couldn't breath or sth like that but it was all the depression. Once the medication started to kick in she went back to "normal"

I really wish you the best for getting past this, I know how it is not easy at all.

Best

thank you for all your kind comments . im just hoping i can get through this , x

Hope you are feeling a bit less that you are psychotic.  I think that one thing I should mention is Mindfulness Meditation. The location of your memory problems is likely to be the hippocampus in your brain, which can shrink in depression. There is good scientific evidence that 8 weeks of Meditation can increase the size of the left side of the hippocampus. This might show an effect on your memory. It is worth a try. Don't ask about the right side, I have no idea.

Love

Steve

Hey .

You are not alone

i have been where you are .i would forget conversations i have had with people 5 mins before . Blank out no matter where i was i wouldnt be able to move just space out. Forgot where i was going a few times . Im always so inappropriate to people i dont mean to be. I did think im crazy thought all my family was in a conspiracy against me then i was obsessed i had a brain tumour .then my step mum was trying steal my child . Can laugh about it now but felt so real when i was in it .and it was all down to anxiety .people who say just anxiety have no idea!!  out of everything anxiety is the worst thing i have been through

Sorry to talk about myself

. Try your gp . Congnitive therapy could help your gp have loads of information about all the different services available .  Amazing what things you find out . Try stay stronge .take day by day or even hour by hour .