Coping .. or lack thereof.

Hi there

I think this is a very good place to start and writing this post is also good.  Putting into words and getting it clear in your head what the issues are, is always a good place to start.

I did an exercise  - I used Excel but it could be done on paper too - I made columns headed 'The Problem' 'Desired Outcome' 'Can I Influence' (this was a yes/no column) 'Steps to take' (a bigger field for a list)

I put every problem down in the problems list - even small ones like the bulb needed changing and my husband was too ill and I can't climb steps because of my arthritis.  Every little niggle, right trough to the major issues.  I then went down the column and put what I wanted to happen in an ideal world in the 'Desired Outcome' column.  So, my husband to get better, right down to the light bulb to get changed - big and small, the solution I WANTED and WISHED FOR, went in here.  Then I went down the 'Can I influence it' column and put in an honest yes or no.  It was quite surprising just how many things that I was stressing and freaking over, I was totally unable to change, no matter what I did.  Those that remained, I wrote a list of small steps to achieve the 'Desired Outcome'.  The light bulb for instance, ring my son and ask him to come and do it - simple really, but in my anxious and overwhelmed state, such a simple answer was quite outside my sphere of comprehension.  When I just concentrated on it alone to put something in the box, the answer was glaringly simple!  I won't for a moment pretend they were all as simple as that, far from it.  I think the longest list had nearly 20 points - 20 small steps to achieve 'Desired Outcome'.  What I did find, was that by concentrating on things I could fix or influence and taking them one step at a time, I got less anxious over those that I couldn't fix and could have no possible influence over.  In time, I added another column, to record things I could do to improve by any degree those issues I couldn't fix or change completely.  Again, some of these were zero, but some had a few steps that could be taken to make a bad situation just a little bit better.  If nothing else, I felt in control again, rather than a victim, being tossed this way and that by fate and what it dealt me.

Don't know if this will help, or even be appropriate for you, I guess it is not for everyone, but I found it invaluable.

Best wishes to you and keep the faith

Suncatcher2015