Living with

I take each day as it comes, try to have a focus for that day. Today is pretty good, but it gives me a nudge every now and again. H

Lizzie when we loss loved ones some people are expecting to grieve in the same way with each bereavement, and are even more upset because they dont. this can be for many reasons, for example it could be the age of the loved one, how close you were to a certain person, how well they physically or emotionally knew a loved one. or lastly some of us may never have met a loved one for many reasons. or if physical events had taken place ,and a loved one could not be viewed by family and friends

this happened me was because, my son and i parted with bad blood between us, and when his baby daughter was born , and died age 50 minutes i was banned from attending her service or internment, her name was Rebecca Jade, but i called her Becky, and i bought her a small headstone and i go to her grave at least once a month with fresh flowers. i will always love my grandaughter, but possibly not as much as my Angel wife or son, who took his own life.?

I have not been seen by an individual therapist.

For my Fibromyalgia I attended a 3week course followed by a 6-month and 12-month review. It involved a Psychiatrist, Rheumatoid Consultant, Physiotherapist, Occupational therapist and specialist nurse. We covered the possible triggers of the condition, how to pace one self which is very important, when an achievement was made to treat yourself, meditation, a discussion about medication. Physio group and hydrotherapy and how to cope at home with daily living. This course was very good, at the end of 12 months I no longer attended the hospital outpatient clinic, the course was self-management, any concerns were to be directed to the general practitioner. I must say initially I felt they didn't know what to do with Fibromyalgia patients, I felt insecure but now feel comfortable with it.

While retirement for me has been quite a ride dealing with other family members and issues, so never had time to rest. We have today a great new world to explore online which was never really existed before. I am not a member of Facebook or any social media but discover so many groups operate online that are very accessable. For me I took over caring for our grandchild, finding no help anywhere, until I used my wife's account to explore groups, Bingo, there was several excellent groups. So whatever your interest in life there will be groups online of like minded people. These groups are quite good of ensuring your identity so you don't get any 'strange individuals' in your chosen group. Like you say you have all sorts of charity work to explore, my brother's widow volunteers to help out at the old peoples home her mother enjoyed her last days. Holiday options for our age group for singles as well as couples.

I have a static in Norfolk that we could stay March until November at a relatively low price which has been a fantastic haven in the summer. Being a little old fashioned it does not have large groups of children, mainly like minded people like ourselves, so a great social life if you want it. Some older people do the opposite in winter seasons and stay abroad, out of season for pennies with like minded people. Sadly for us we are back to school holidays due to our 9 year old grandchild so greatly restricted, thrust into being a parent again is quite a lesson in life.

Family is you greatest asset as we get older we need their support and safeguarding covering our backs. So the 'world is your oyster' but you have to put yourself out there, it won't come to you. Get out there and embrace it, it can be great fun, good luck!

Hi @sadone just seen this discussion & felt the need to ‘jump into’ too. I think your other 3 ‘correspondents’ all had invaluable suggestions re: how to move on. I personally feel whenever situations like yours are experienced, the person (i.e. you) does naturally feel so alone but truly believe the vast majority of us have been ‘where you are’ at the moment.

I was widowed just over 4 years ago, have a multitude of health conditions & now 72. I have lived on my own since my husband passed & NO, I don’t think it’s ever easy but life does carry - probably never the easiest task we all have to do. This certainly does take time and the time this takes, I’ve found, can vary between each of us - I’m sincerely hoping you will feel/begin to know when the time is right for you to do this.

I’ve, personally, have always struggled with ‘accepting’ what life continues to throw at myself but perhaps because of needing to get on, eventually, have increasingly found I had 2 choices in these situations. 1- I could stay in the dark, unhappy place where I was or 2- CHANGE this by thinking/actively doing things differently. Instead of staying in my house alone / avoiding going out un til I had no choice, I made myself go out, initially to do some necessary shopping and then including thinking/planning, even if just looking (& not actually buying) anything that could possibly/hopefully help me to smile, be happier again.

Time really has been a great healer for me. I had been bereaved & felt bereft a number of times in the past. The 1 person always being ‘left behind/alone’ being myself, so consequently, slowly came to the conclusion, I needed to rely on myself, learn to ‘find the person’ I’d been’ before being on my own. I began by re-connecting/interacting more with the people that had been part of my life ‘before’. This somehow expanded to going to different places, meeting new people - sometimes they became part of my current life, sometimes not. All of these connections simply involved social interactions only. I’ve always strongly believed & had experienced that my ‘romantic relationships’ evolved without any pre-planning whatsoever - if/when things are ‘meant to be’ they naturally happen. At the moment @sadone, perhaps simply focus on yourself - hopefully find out ‘who YOU actually are’? Life has a way, if/when I’ve simply kept myself open to whatever comes my way. Wishing you all the very best in the future.