Depression and my sex life

I understand, I don't think I have really had a sex life in the last 2 years. Sometimes I find it seems like too much effort & I have a very short concentration span at the moment. Other times my negative voice kicks in about my body & makes me self conscious.  

I don't that I have any tips, just hope your husband is understanding & gives you affection (cuddles etc) even if you're not in the right mood for sex. If you work it out please let me know. 

Hello welshmumlou,

In this group we share news from Carenity. It could be introducing new functions, new groups etc. I hope you will post your question in the group "Living with behavioural disorders - mental illness" instead - I think it will give you some more feedback to post it there :)

All the best,

Marina

welshmumlou. Sorry to read about your year of hell last year. Have I stumbled into a womens site? I dodnt see any men in here. Therefore, i'm not going to comment on 'bedroom moves' as its inappropriate for me to comment.
I will say I sympathise with you. Depression can lead you into a very dark hole. But do not fear. There is light at the end of the tunnel and there is Hope. I have joined this group, to try and help and signpoint people to the answer as someone who has overcome and been completely free now.
I trust your husband is sympathetic to how you feel. try not to push him away too often. Some men cant take this 'rejection' and may well go off in other directions to feed their passions.
Do not listen to the negative voices in your head. Reply to them with positive actions and words to neutralise the 'negative words'. Medical Professionals will label people 'that hear voices in their heads' with a certain 'name'. 
I believe in 'voices' in the head and there is a way to defeat them. EVERYbody has a 'voice' that is positive and/or negative, in there head. Why aren't we all 'sectioned' or labelled with numerous medical names.
You have to learn who the negative and positive 'voices' are. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 
 

have had depression for over 20 years, I have been on various medication but it is always there.My husband is very supportive but we have no sex life and although he doesn't blame me I do.It seems to be a never ending cycle and I can't see a way forward

Things are better but I still blame myself too tatty teddy I understand how it feels have you spoken to your husband x what is it exactly that makes you feel so unable x 

Hi Lou  I have tried to explain but when the moment comes I find that I cannot put my thoughts into words,

My tablets don't help as at the moment I am facing a bit of a stressful time with an incident that happened at work 

and all want to do when I get home is and this is gonna sound daft is take off my uniform which is what I hide behind at work

 I suppose it gave me confidence at work but once it came off I felt inadequate all over again

Oh Hun I understand the whole work/uniform thing I used to do it.. It's like armor if your wearing it then nothing can upset or bother you they can't get to you and so on x have you tried role play?? If your work uniform makes you feel different then ever it for a while in the bedroom  there is nothing worng woth it and if it makes you feel invisible and safe and confident  then use it in your life( I woyld suggest a clean one thou) your husband understands I'm sure tatty teddy just explain it for now... As for the stress at work? Does your job have a wellbeing service or a someone you can talk to and debrief x they should be able to offer you something most places don't want staff going off if they can help them x can I ask what happened x x

Can I say a little bit on this subject from a man's point of view.

Yes it's great if you have an understanding husband, but at 57 I still can have an active sex life when I'm feeling well enough!

By a sex life there's more to it then just making love. Try setting the mood, candles, some soft music playing in the back ground. A cuddle or a massage this could help you relax enough to maybe take things a little further. You haven't got to make love to have a pleasurable time, try toys of some kind if your not confident enough to want to go all the way or masturbation. The main thing is chat to your partner and let them know how your feeling as they might think your rejecting them and I'm sure that's the last thing you'll want to do. Try to be open with each other, I know this can be difficult but better they know. If you think your body is a turn off try buying a sexy outfit, something to cover you but also turn him on.

I lost a partner with cancer a few years ago and she told me that she would rather I went to see a prostitute then have an affair, that way she knew I'd be happy and come home afterwards and not think about leaving her. By the way I'd rather do without then go see a prostitute and once I'm with someone I'd never cheat, but she was concerned so when I told her that it put her mind at rest. See so talking does help.

Hope it all works out for you.

Stu xx

Very honest comments.

I have just read your piece it makes feel better knowing I am not the only one could feels this way I have been like this for five years now and did not tell anybody how I feel I still don't know how to say it because I just keep crying when I talk so I don't talk anymore