Why can't I let myself be happy?

Hi Bralydan, Your question of what can you do depends on what you want to achieve. Have you ever thought of it as using your low mood as a comfort blanket because thats what you are comfortable with? I know i am guilty of that one and if you ask you will probably find an awful lot of people think the same because it`s easier that way.

There are tons of things that can be done about it and you have already started by coming here for advice. 

Have you sought any advice from a GP? CBT therapy can help change the way you think and perceive the things that drag you down and just talking to like minded people is great because there is no fear of judgement.

Your profile mentions you are a trainee midwife, please think about that for a moment and the joy and happiness you help bring to people you dont even know. Personally a midwife gave me a 2 reasons to change who i was and gave me a reason to live even through adversity so "big up you!!!" and you deserve to be happy too.

Never be afraid to ask for help and trust me there is loads of help.

Good Morning bralydan, Just read your post. What is it that makes you feel like you don't deserve the good things in life and to be happy?

Everyone deserves to be happy and content. 

You are obviously a caring, giving person who is doing one of the nicest acts in bringing a new life in to the world. You should feel so good about yourself. Your boyfriend must think that you are pretty special also.

You need to concentrate on building up your self esteem. learn to love yourself as everyone around you does.

Knuckles is spot on when he mentions coming on here ; you will get only support from people who have first hand experience of what you are  going through /feeling.

What is it you want to achieve in your life; is there something that you are unhappy about in it?

Write down a list of all the positives and negatives in your life; you can then work on anything that is flagged up.

Talk, talk and talk some more; that will help you in your quest  to find peace deep within. 

Big hugs wrapped with love. xx

I feel the same not allowing myself to be happy, and further more going out of my way to make myself unhappy. 

I feel the same.  I think that if I let go and let myself feel happy then something bad will happen.

I'm not sure what to advise really.  But I think perhaps we should try and just "be happy", take the risk and see what happens?

There is someone else in this boat. Altough I do not look for an arguement with my soon to be ex husband of 8 years ( thats a lot of another story) but I look at it as I do not deserve to be happy. I fake smiles  everyday for my two boys aged 3 and 6 years, only to feel ten times worse inside and wanting to hide.

My husband wants the best for me as they do- but hes pushing it the wrong way. I am always terrified of going outside for the fear of people looking at me and I just want to be left alone. He will not accept that and is pushing me further and further away :(

I do hope that everyone in this place finds the end of the tunnel as much as I do. Having to happy and put on a fake smile everyday is just about killing me now.

Yes , you do have to try and put on a brave smiley face for your 2 young children ;which must be so hard. My children were older; thank goodness when my ex decided that he wanted to break up our 30 yr marriage but it was so hard to keep smiling and try to understand when I didn't understand myself what had gone wrong as it came completely out of the blue.

I too didn't want to go out as I felt that everyone was looking at me and talking. 

All you ladies are making me feel special  My story is so similar. Bad breakup(s) anxiety, depression, thinking i dont deserve happiness, spending too much time trying to make everybody else happy and forgetting about myself. I have actually been through hell and back (another long story) but now i think forgetmenot has a good point and i`m trying to be happy for me. I do deserve it! we all do.

Little steps at the minute but its a positive step.

To be honest, its great to see so many people in the same boat as me and thank you all for your warm welcome. I don't so much think I don't deserve to be happy but I more so feel that if I'm already unhappy, that when the bad things happen (which I feel they most certainly will) they won't hit me as hard as they have done in the past. Every time I seem to let myself get happy something awful happens and I feel ten times worse than I did before. One minute I feel like I'm recovering and I feel fantastic, ready to take on the world. Next, something happens and I just spiral further downhill and I have to start from scratch to get back to where I was. 

I can't tell if I'm just really unlucky that all the bad things happen or if thats just how life is and I'm not in a position to cope with that.

Try and take the "If it happens it happens " approach. There is nothing that you can do to change anything so what is the point of worrying. Embrace life and have fun in the process. Love, laugh and be happy for the moment and not at what "may' happen as it probably won't. Strive for a "What the stuff attitude" You may be surprised at yourself.

Big hugs. xx