Looking for support

@Confused.com Hello,

It is very good that you have gone to the doctor and started counselling. I know it is hard to do, but I would recommend that you distance yourself from your boyfriend for awhile and just concentrate on yourself. It seems that you're giving him everything and getting nothing in return, that isn't fair?

If you fear for his life, tell someone in his family but look after yourself first.

@Eddyyy‍ thank you for replying.

I spoke with the Dr, so the Dr new the circumstances to why I was being persistent with getting a appt and informing of things that my partner might not tell him. The Dr didn't offer meds jist talking therapies! And that if he really needed meds to go back. My partner said it was quite pointless.

He has had a suicidal episode in his 20's and again in his 30's, those being his worst episodes of depression. This episode has being brewing since January with the loss of his Dad, and snowballed with other issues added to the fact he hasnt grieved yet. So Ive been there and supported and reassured him 'we are a team'  'I am here,I have your back'. For him then to push me out and still behave 'normal' with those who have contributed this and he hasnt told any one else.

I dont want him to think hes been abandoned again, but this emtional cut off is killing me and obviously not helping my MH, my last episode being 4 yrs ago.

I just need reassurance that his behaviour is 'normal in depression towards a loved one. Because honestly Im so angry at times with it all, I could easily walk.

Thankyou for reading

G 🌸

@Confused.com Hello,

Perhaps you could write him a letter explaining how you feel? Depression is a very horrible disease that has different effects on different poeple. It is "normal"though that people with depression tend to push their family members and loved ones away.

@Confused.com How are things now? Has there been an improvement?

Hiya, I just wanted to add that when I am in a depressed state I don’t really want to touch, be affectionate or say I love you to my partner unless I am in the beginning stages when I can be overly clingy and needing a lot more attention and affection than normal. 

HTH x

@Aaliyah‍ 

Some..Spent time with each other the last 2 wkends past but, Im struggling with the lack of affection overall as in pyshically and communication. Its like Im just someone he knows, not the partner he showered with love.

He does blow very hot and cold regarding us but, he is alot more vocal with regards to other aspects and tells me stuff that bothers him, which I see as progress. He is more in the present now and seems to function as himself.

I get the impression hes making plans but, not telling me. Which in the past he has discussed it all. The plans with regards to what I believe have been triggers..a house, job, relocating, family and obviously us, which is very confusing because when he talks its as if Im in the plans..ie. buying a car-would I drive it, do you like it, you'd probably drive it more than me. How would you do the house, Not having dogs if I live here alone....Very confusing!?!

He has told me he loves me..over the phone at the end of a telephone call which knocked me right over...as I didnt know how to respond and I over thought the whole moment!

I dont know if he has arranged an appt with talking therapies and he hasnt said if hes been back to the Drs either. He has actually arranged time off work this week but, he only told me in a round about way yesterday. He is very vague with me on everything...as he doesnt want me to know anything. Which in fact is fine if it wasnt so obvious.   

It does look like hes moving forward and the depression is not as heavy. Its just me that doesnt know where I fit in. I still have my appt for talking therapies, my diazepam and stretaline- which I have choosen not to take yet, because the diaz get my aniexty under control effectively and quickly which is what I need more than anything at the mo.

So thats where I am up to with my lovely man..he is awesome but, the coldness is changing me and Im afraid Im going to infact push him away because I cant tolerate how its making me feel. Its sad.

Thank you for reading

G 🌸

@Confused.com Hello,

This article we wrote about dealing with a loved one who has a mental illness might help you, you can find it by clicking here.

I hope that helps :)