Depression in relationships

Rest assured , you are not alone , it is part of depression. We can all be b*. I used to say that it was a gift.

Have you discovered what it is that has happened to make you depressed/angry?

I too would be angry/frustrated at myself and would take it out on those nearest to me. One minute my mood would be good but something would creep up resulting in me becoming angry. I identified that it was all the heartache and downright nastiness that my now ex was putting me through. He committed adultery and then lied for 2+ years. I was left with all his mess to sort out. I was the one running round to get all the details needed for the court order. To this day it is still ongoing. I recently bumped in to him after over 12 months. It was so uplifting for me that I felt like skipping. Karma is a wonderful thing. I am in a wonderful place with a loving new partner, He on the other hand has lost everything. His new wife whom he married within 7 months following divorce phoned him whilst he was with me chatting.. He didn't even answer the phone and admitted marrying because he didn't want to be on his own. I felt ecstatic . He married her in secret. Says it all.

He is still trying to make my life difficult by dragging his feet regarding the finances but I put that down to jealousy.

I was so angry it was unreal. I still get angry at him and  more importantly myself for believing all of his lies about getting help / sorting himself out. I have let most of it go as there is only one person hurting in my life ...me. I have taken control of my life now.

If you can discover what is depressing you then you can work on it. 

Are you on medication?

During my dark days my mind was frantic. It was horrible with frightening thoughts [When I started thinking how easy it would be to walk out in front of traffic I knew that I needed help. Once I had acknowledged that I couldn't get well without my GP helping I could then focus on my issues/anxieties. Medication doesn't solve your illness but it lightens your mind thus enabling you to work on "you."

When you feel anger building up, concentrate on your breathing. Really focus on it. Remove yourself from the situation/environment. Go for a walk, anything to be able to calm down.

For every negative thought , replace it with a positive. That may be hard when you are really low.

Only you can help you. Accept help and embrace it 100%

Please believe me at the moment you may feel that you will never ever be truly happy let alone laugh but you honestly will.

Take time out on your good days to spend it doing something that you and your lovely boyfriend enjoy. Simple things in life really do bring the most pleasure in the long run. 

Write down a list of negative things that you aren't happy with and then make it in to a positive. 

We spend so much time focusing on the weeds that we don't notice the flowers.

You will eventually have more good days than you have bad days. Never beat yourself up but big yourself up. Learn to love you for who you are.

Don't be over critical of yourself. 

Your moods will come in waves, creeping up with no notice. Don't let them drown you. Concentrate on calming yourself down.

It is all part and parcel of the illness.

Spend some time daily doing something for you; no matter how small or simple. This will release those "happy hormones'

Talk, talk and talk some more. A great release for you.

Use this site to help you as you are never judged , only supported by those who have first hand experience of what you are feeling/going through.

Keep chatting lovely lady. 

Big hugs wrapped with love. x

Thank you so much, itgetsbetter, for this incredible comment! You've already put a smile on my face! I can't pinpoint the exact moment that I started feeling depressed. I've just always felt sad.. I thought it was Hormones, life etc. The thing I remember hating the most was my weight and how I looked. I'm happy with my appearance now(could do with losing a couple pounds) but I don't fixate over it. There's more to life than dieting for me. I just remember most of my childhood crying and being alone. I thought this is how everyone felt!

2 years ago I was seeing this guy for a short while. One night I got extremely drunk and he forced himself on me. I noticed from then on that things starting to get worse. A lot of rumours went around said I got the 'f**king I deserved'... I was being careless about everything after that. The people I met, drinking too much. It was during my careless time that I met my now boyfriend. I think he saved him a little from my own demons.

I'm on medication at the moment, since October. Some days I want to take on the world and others I can't face getting out of bed. The medication has helped. There's less of a dark cloud over me, which I never thought I'd feel. I just feel for my boyfriend because I know I'm not the easiest. When I'm having a good day I can be the best person in the world, but on the bad I can see him getting fed up, although he never says it. 

I suppose I'm just worried that I'm ruining this relationship!

Thank you for all your suggestions. I'll be sure to take everything on board!! You really have helped <3

M 

xxxx

Many thanks for your kind words. It pleases me that I can help someone as I understand those exact same emotions as you. In fact ; this may come as a shock but I think that we must have been related in a former life!!

Oh my life , I was you and you were me at school; primary school especially. I was such a shy little girl who wasn't one of the gang. I would go cherry red . I totally lacked confidence. Even in high school/college  I felt like I struggled.

Don't laugh but I was so unhappy with the family trait...my nose. I can remember asking my mum would she take me to the GP about it but she just laughed; this was after I had seen a girl in the year above me had had a nose job. Her nose was the same as mine prior to her rhinoplasty.

Years later I had the" nose job "and my confidence soared. It really did. I was flying girl.!!

Fast forward to children and my insecurities/issues re emerged , this time my weight which went up and down leaving me resembling a slug..or is it a maggot??

The real bonus from what my not so charming now ex put me through was rapid weight loss. Previously , i would fill my face with rubbish; comfort eating grand scale. This time round I lost over 3 stone and my confidence was booming.

Along with medication and me helping myself , I went outside my comfort zone and entered in to another area of work which I  love. 

I found love..... sadly ....due to my new found happiness I have also found food. I feel like I am back in that cycle again.

I went out to meet up with some old school friends and surprisingly they all say that I am as mad as ever!!! They obviously, didn't see me as I saw me. Sad , lonely and reserved.

Looking at the pics on facebook this morning I am that slug...body in segments.

It was sad to read about your experience . I feel that you were hitting out by drinking etc but at the end of the day you were hurting yourself. It was your way of releasing your anger/frustration at yourself and the position you were put in [without a choice]

We all make mistakes/bad judgments , but the answer is that you have own them, accept and let it go . Pack it away; it has no place in your life now.

You have lived with it for long enough my sweet.

Learn to channel your emotions/issues whatever you want to call them in to something positive. Don't let the anger of your past ruin your future. 

It is a hard place to be in but learn to love YOU just like your man does.

Have a fun filled day.

Big hugs wrapped with love.

Keep posting. xxxx

Not alone at all hun, I am finding i am struggling to maintain relationships with people too xx

Thank you!! 

Wise words as always. Thanks so much for posting and giving me the advice, I already know, but that I need to hear from someone else! You've been a great help and this week has been really good for us. I'm trying to breathe away the bad moods and focus on the positive! 

Your stories are brilliant, and very humerous at times! Thank you for making me smile :)

<3 

M

x

Hi Meemoo,

How are today?

I do hope that you are having a fun filled day.

Big hugs wrapped with love xxx

Hi itgetsbetter! 

Haven't been on in a while. Was going through a really really good patch. I kept busy working, drawing, going out with friends. But now the thought of having a few free unplanned days is freaking me out. I want to keep busy but motivation isn't on my side! Usually I'm happy with a day off but now the thoughts of free time will leave more time for overthinking... I'm a mess! haha 

How're you? :)

xx

Hiya Meemoo. How are things with you?

Have you managed to plan something on your free days?

Brilliant to read that you have had some good days; we are all susceptible to some low days so don't beat yourself up. Remember 2 steps forward , 3 steps back approach will eventually get you to where you need to be... having more good days than bad days.

I have this post on my wall and read it regularly when I was feeling low; it is so true.[now !!]

"And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.

You won't even be sure ,in fact , whether the storm is really over. 

But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in"

Don't over think things or be to harsh on yourself;be gentle.

Big hugs wrapped with love.

Julie x