Living with the effects of MS

Lovely to hear from you Rosiesue!  I so empathise with you and so sorry you've been so low and depressed the last couple of years - not good love.  Like yourself, the last 2 years have been really, really rough, especially with my husband (of 20-odd yrs) passing in March '19.  I really hadn't realised the negative effects all this had on myself until probably very late '19 or early 2020, possibly because I had so many legal/financial etc etc situations to deal with?  When I did realise I had actually become quite anxious and depressed, I did undertake a local 6 week course about "loss" but unfortunately didn't find it at all useful - probably not helped with having horrendous problems being able to hear very well at the time (ha-ha)!  As that didn't work, then asked my local "Well Being" Hub - a NHS service) if I could gain access to an online CBT course, called Silvercloud and that worked wonders!  Having done extensive research (online), knew CBT didn't work for everyone but finally recognising I wasn't "getting anywhere" on my own (I have and still am so fiercely independent), I was willing to try anything.  I was able to work through this course at my own pace (s-l-o-w-e-r than at a snail's pace and although it may have taken about 4-6 weeks before I noticed any improvement in my anxiety and depression, sometime in mid-June this year, had an 180 degrees "turn around" in my perspective on everything!  I completed the program about a month ago (?) but can still access all of its' "core" Modules plus an additional 4 Modules, that I chose for another 11 months.  Life certainly isn't always easy, at the best of times and having MS more than likely, causes further "complications"!   Apart from the spasticity pain, the poor co-ordination, 2x vision, brain fog etc., for the past few years my "s-l-o-w-n-e-s-s" and lack of energy with doing anything/everything is probably my biggest hurdle but I'm still "here" and planning on extracting as much happiness, pleasure, laughter and enjoyment as much as humanly possible.  Yes, there are many times I just can not function, so I don't.  Other times I can function more and I continually have to push myself to do them - sometimes this determination/will/ability lasts for 1-2 hours, some times for longer, some times less but have to try everyday regardless.  Regarding the coronavirus/Covid 19: perhaps being a retired Registered Nurse, or believing that everything happens for a reason, the pandemic really hasn't greatly affected myself, apart from it severely stopping all my travelling (especially seeing my family in the U.S.A) which has always been such a big part in my life and spending time with my closest friends/extended family here.  I also know this unpredictable, ever-changing situation is having such deleterious effects on, I think, on the mental health of a large majority of people, even including myself (but currently to a much lesser extent before CBT).   Please accept my apologies for this extraordinary long "post" Rosie and anyone else "here".  Just believe s-o-o-o-o-o strongly that "we're all in this together" and it is vitally important to try to be "here" to support one another as much as we can.  My energy levels are unpredictable but whenever possible, endeavour to keep "checking in", so hopefully can be available as often as possible for yourself and everyone else.  Sending you all my love xx