Suicidal thoughts, not coping, how to get treatment without carrying out my plans?
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Felt great after a dip in the pool 
, but then no sooner had I eaten breakfast, bam I'm ill again 
, I now have a fever 
, may have to go back to hospital again on Monday, I spread my grans ashes tomorrow so will grit my teeth and bare the discomfort for one last day, but Monday I have to get some medical treatment, or try to re-book my flight 
home, so I can get medical treatment back in the UK, I've never ever felt so ill ever before in my entire life, the medication 
they provided at the hospital here, is not working, I'm physically ill, and flying , since getting food poisoning 
on the flight out, is a terrifying thought, but if someone said I could go home right this instant 
, I would, anxiety or not, just to go to a UK hospital to get treated and possibly stay in hospital where people speak English, the thought of staying in hospital here, terrifies the hell out of me 
, but I know that is what they'll suggest, and I only have limited funds to keep paying for treatment, until I'd then have to go back home, and reclaim the costs back from my insurance, but to me having to wait for insurance to pay out would be a nightmare 
Been crying most of the time when not either wincing in pain from cramp or sitting almost glued to the toilet
*Still too ill for Hugs, but sending lots of Love despite how ill I feel*
Stumpy. X 
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Stumpy...x
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What a tough time you are having.
If I were you, I would' just 'drink lots + lots of bottled water; just to give your digestive system a rest and also let the food poisoning clear completely out of your system.
Steer well clear of peeled fruit or uncovered food.
Stay in the shade for a few days.
This is the down side about going to poorer countries as their standards aren't the same.
Hope that you are soon feeling brighter.
Gentle hugs
Julie xxx
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A bit difficult with the hotel here as it's all buffet style breakfast to steer clear of uncovered food , have been trying my best to choose wisely on the breakfast, and other food that comes out of the kitchen at either the hotel or other places, it's hard to know if it's been kept uncovered
I have been drinking lots of bottled water already, and used up the 3 electrolyte saches, the hospital gave me, but nothing is letting up, so think I'm gonna need more medical treatment, unless kaoline works, gonna try to get some today
Really wanted to go in the pool today, but may not be able to, as my belly is just too bad have tried taking Loperamide capsule, but it's not helping
*Sending Love*
Stumpy. X
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Stumpy...x
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OK I managed to go in the pool, have still had diarrhoea, but not as frequent, went most of the night without needing the loo finally
Had a good day mostly, still have an upset belly but I've not needed to go to the loo, quite so frequently, no Kaolin available in Thailand, other than in Disento Tablets, that contain another drug ingredient that is very dangerous along side Ritalin, and clearly, Loperamide doesn't work for me, pharmacy gave my dad activated charcoal, that I also can't take, due to it cancelling out the effects of other medications, a bit silly that there is no Kaolin liquid suspension, without the added garbage of Disento
I managed to muster up the energy to get some photos 
of the hotel complex, so that made me feel good, and cheered me up a little
Family gathering actually went really well, considering my circumstances, and how bad things can be, I hope I can regain control of my belly tomorrow and maybe get out for the day, visit a temple after I've been for a swim in the pool, and for breakfast of course
*Hugs wrapped lightly with Love*
Stumpy. x x x
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Stumpy...x
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Hiya Stumpy,
Did you manage to visit any of the Temples today? Where they as magical as I expect that they would?
I do hope that you are now over the worst of your ailments
Have an amazing day tomorrow
Oodles of love gently wrapped with love
Julie
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Haven't managed to visit any temples yet, hoping to tomorrow, I took a CA-R-BON capsule (Activated Charcoal) last night, and so far my belly has been OK all day today, so fingers crossed, I didn't go in the pool before breakfast this morning, didn't go in until after breakfast, spent two and a half hours in the pool
Have seen a few shrines, and passed a few temples, and they are really beautiful
Going down the Loft Cafe local coffee shop probably eat down there as the food is nice down there
Am over the worst of my illness, and about to eat an ice cream
*Hugs wrapped with lots of Love*
Stumpy. X
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Stumpy...x
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Had a good day, been in the pool twice, also been in town, to the Red Lion Welsh bar, for food, I had, Fish Chips and Mushy Peas, also looked at the Night Bazaar a little, bought a new flashing/lightup spinning-top toy to add to my collection of sensory toys
*Hugs wrapped with Love*
Stumpy. X
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Stumpy...x
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Brilliant posts to read Stumpy. Go easy on the ice cream.
You are sounding like you are well on the way to getting your' mojo' back.
How is your tan coming along?
My partner would be impressed with your visit to the Welsh Bar as it his part of the world.
It has been so cold here today; log burner and central heating are on.
Hope to read some fun posts soon.
Julie
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Well Welsh bar is where we go, as it is also my part of the world, I live in Swansea Valley South Wales, so it's like a taste of home
I'm going off to visit a temple today, Chinese Buddhist temple, Kuan Yin Palace, so hoping to get some photos
*Oodles and oodles of warm hugs wrapped warmly with oodles and oodles of Love*
Stumpy. X
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Have an amazing time at the Temple. I think that they always look so spiritual and calming. Did you feel that when you saw them?
Things really seem on the 'up' for you tummy wise and I do hope that you are soon feeling the benefits of your holiday.
The sun is out today, although it is a tad chilly but nothing unexpected at this time of year.
Embrace the day and make it yours my lovely friend.xx
Big hugs just for you.
Julie
StumpyDavies
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StumpyDavies
Last activity on 24/11/2020 at 00:04
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216 comments posted | 198 in the Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses group
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I'm feeling really suicidal, the psychiatrist cancelled my appointment, and I don't see my counsellor or support worker until next week, I have made a plan to take my own life, something I've never really done before, but before I resort to carrying out that plan, I'm trying to find ways to get the treatment I need. One last attempt to try to be rational, I've thought of trying to see the Police PCSO's to get across just how bad I feel, in the hope that they can help me get some emergency treatment, or I've also thought of going to the drug and alcohol project, to the walk-in service, and speaking with them to ask for their assistance, as they have their own psych team, but their so overstretched, that seeing them is impossible, but if I tell them of my intentions, perhaps they may make an exception, I can't think of any other way I can access emergency treatment, going to A&E is not an option, as it's too far to travel, I'd likely carry out my plan before I get there, and A&E have this nasty way of deliberately treating me so badly they make me feel worse, and make mistakes like giving me things I can harm myself with, so I have no trust for A&E.
Are there any other ways to access emergency treatment, knowing you need treatment to continue to keep yourself safe?