New here.

Kitty; Well done on your self help attitude/approach. You can really get to a brighter place.

Continue chatting; as you are never alone on here. We have first hand experience and so understand what a horrible , isolated illness depression is.

Always here for you. 

Hugs.

Julie 

@itgetsbetter

Dear Julie

THANK for taking the time to reply and for your conforting words. U state 'now you are in the light'. Quite a quaker ism  .. r u a quaker. I discovered them in 2002 and have got more emotional and spiritual support from them than from any other faith group. Although am leaning more towards Islam these days. Will take on board all u have said. 

Yesterday was supposed to b a GOOD DAY. Bought a 4x4 in July as was struggling to get in and out of my car. It's broken down at least 3 x a week since..and so I lost my lifeline. Then cod I've been so depressed haven't been able to face researching a new one as on v limited funds. Got a gdecent one quite by luck . 400 quid. It's 13 yes old but in v gd nick. Was supposed to b taking dog to breeder to get mated having missed her seasons for the last 2 years. He never called back so I started on the whisky....Then I have the bombshell.  Doc suspects I have PARKINSONS...just wot I need ..a terminal painful nerve condition...all these years of being fobbed off by doctors...I m so fucking angry and frustrated I Cud SCREAM if there was anyone out there to listen...thank god u r. ..keep in touch frsn

No, I am a Christian but I am a very spiritual person; we can all have our followed faiths but I do believe that we all the same ; we just choose our own personal paths/faiths/beliefs to get us to a calm inner peaceful place.

When in the midst of what was a very dark. lonely, frightening place in my life/mind , I would try and look for a positive, which was so hard as depression just drags you down to a level you can never imaging rising from.

My whole world "seemed"to have collapsed. I felt like everything/one was against me when in fact I was well supported; I wasn't in the mindset to view things logically/clearly;  that is all part/parcel of depression.

I hadn't driven for over 25 years as my now ex insisted on driving . When he left, I walked everywhere , my sister would take me food shopping as I would also be buying food for the person I worked for so it was quite a lot. Apart from that I got used to it and actually enjoyed it...most of the time. 

My new partner self medicated with Scotch after being diagnosed with a terminal illness followed by his marriage break up [ his wife committed adultery] .He hadn't seen his children and so his life was a downward spiral. He was charged with drink driving [he was suicidal] and so him losing his licence has been devastating for him. I on the other hand accepted that I needed to start driving again after getting a new job .He suffered from a breakdown and was/had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital as  voluntary patient on more than 1 occasion.

It is easy to bury your head in some sort of release; as short lived as that release is. My partner is of the upbringing that 'real men don't cry or open up to their feelings". It has been hard for him to open up but he has and  made so much progress . It is a case of   him realizing that it is ok to admit your are low or are struggling.

Once you acknowledge, accept and embrace your issues then the real work/healing can commence.

I told myself and others that I was coping. The turning point for me was when I had thoughts of how easy it would be to walk in to traffic. My healing began that day.

I am now "proud" of myself and my achievements. I have emerged out of what was the most painful, frightening, lonely place that I have ever been; something that I could never ever envisage happening. 

Was it easy....NO . 

I had to adopt the 2 steps forward, 3 steps back attitude. It was a long hard road with no short cuts.

Out of a negative, make a positive. As hard as it is , you need to try your hardest to change your mindset. Cease accepting the negatives and turn it round.

You have done that in parts of your post; re;how good your car is despite costing £400

I had to have gynae surgery and on the way to my out patient appointment I fell and broke my ankle. As a result of that break Osteoporosis was detected on follow up xrays. I was gutted as I then started suffering from carpel tunnel syndrome in both wrists along with a 'trigger ' thumb/finger. The latter seemed to appear so many months following my fall. Not good ,especially following a recent  dental appointment/xray when I was informed that my jaw is showing signs of thinning.

Life can be so hard but the only thing that we can do is to pick ourselves up , dust ourselves down and carry on.

When you are feeling so low it is so hard to see any good or even to just motivate yourself to do anything. I used to think "Whats the point"? and I am sure that you too have experienced that mindset?

All , I can say is to accept the down days but drag yourself up, even if it is to do the simplest of tasks.  Those small steps in time will turn in to giant footsteps as you cross that line of depression on your way out of its' grasp.

Try and channel that anger/frustration ; I used to go for a walk ; thankfully my dog was always willing.

I would get so angry at the" world" basically. Everyone would appear to be getting on with their lives, everyone seemed happy. I was angry at the position my now ex had put me in after trusting him 100% with our/my future and here I was risking losing it all because of him/adultery and then living a double life. He had even been sending his now wife vile emails pretending they were off me. I was arrested and had to go through such an ordeal ; the police van outside my house, the clerking in ,finger prints etc. I really thought that Jeremy Beadle was going to jump out. It was like I was dreaming. It was only on seeing the letters that it became apparent who had actually sent them. He has also turned up at the custody suite admitting everything and wanting to take me home!!

He wasn't charged/cautioned as he had mental health issues ,although I have been told that he should have been charged with either perverting the course of justice of malicious intent. 

To this day , 18 months later , that ordeal can still reduce me to tears. "She" wasn't even told that it was him due to protection ; what about my protection?

I have found it hard not to still get angry despite recognizing that by allowing him in to my thoughts , he still has control. For my own well being I have had to try and let go ; as you can probably tell, that is my struggle but I  have let go of so much; sad after 30 years of marriage.

I am the innocent one here but it is me who has had to face all the rubbish/lies/deceit/ financial costs .

Hope to hear from you soon.

Gentle hugs for a gentle evening.

Julie x

And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.

You won't even be sure in fact , whether the storm is really over.

But one thing is certain.

When you come out of the storm , you won't be the same person who walked in'