Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder

Good morning Darren and welcome to the group. I am so sorry to read that you are in a bad place mentally. My heart goes out to you. My marriage over over 30 years broke up due to my now ex committing adultery. I was heartbroken as it came from nowhere .He didn't leave completely but led a double life; returning home for a few days promising the earth and then leaving a few days later when I was out. He was behaving irrationally + despite being diagnosed as being "psychotic + delusional" and being supported 100% ;he decided her over his family. 

I was diagnosed with anxiety depression and it was when I had thoughts of how easy it would be to walk in to traffic that I realized that despite telling family/friend and more importantly myself that I was fine/coping that I wasn't.

I was put on medication and despite being offered counselling I declined it. Although the medication didn't didn't solve my problems , they eased my frantic mind enabling me to focus on my issues.

I totally understand what a dark, lonely ,frightening place the tunnel of depression is. Well meaning friends would tell me how it would get better but I couldn't see anything ever changing. A friend spent a year in hospital with depression and I would be constantly be reassured by him that it "would get better".

Please believe me when I tell you that I am in a wonderful place in my life. I am with a new partner who was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He is going through a divorce and hasn't seen his children thanks to his ex. He was self medicating [all before meeting me] with alcohol. In time he ended up suicidal and was in hospital for 3 months in total. He was also diagnosed with depression.

He is now emerging out of the dark place ; so there is someone else who has made it through.

Yes, we all have low days; everyone does but the low days now are nothing compared to the dark, lonely ,frightening days.

Living with someone with depression ,never having suffered themselves is hard. It takes a very patient person to stay supportive. I have been on both side of the fence.

My ex didn't want to accept he was ill. He just added lip service, promising to get help but never accepting the help offered. His loss; as he has truly lost everything.

Acknowledging, accepting and embracing help 100% will get you through.

Talking is the most valuable tool plus it is free.

Accept that it may appear as  2 steps forward, 3 steps back for a while.

Don't be over critical of yourself.

 Do things for you ,no matter how small. This will release the "happy hormones" which in conjunction with medication will aid your recovery to a better place mentally.

Go for short walks, take time to notice the flowers/trees/birds instead of the weeds.

Eat well.

Concentrate on your breathing, especially in times of stress. This is a great exercise and something that I still do to this day.

Don't expect any shortcuts; it is a long road so don't expect any quick fixes.

Depression is like grief, it has no expiry date.

Take the "little by little, day by day approach'

This group is the right one to be on ,as like myself you will be supported by people who understand exactly what you are going through due to their own personal experiences.

I will always be here to help you along your journey if you wish. Feel to private message me.

You can get to a brighter place, I promise

thank you itgetsbetter just reading about others like myself and how they came through it or dealt with it helps and fills me with hope

My partner has borderline personality disorder, trust me it is not easy to live with, especially before meds and diagnosis. You are doing the right thing researching, the more you know about BPD, the more you understand yourself, you'll have 'so that's why' moments where you realise an outburst /mood/thought is part of BPD and that's the first step to getting better. It also helps loved ones like myself and her parents understand certain moods and reactions. Good luck on your journey :) 

Never give up the fight Darrin. You can/will get through the dark tunnel of depression and I speak from not only my own personal experience but also from that of a partner to someone who is going through his own personal issues regarding depression/terminal illness/divorce.

Thank goodness, his good days are now becoming more frequent than his low/dark days.

I have experience from both sides of the fence.

Just keep talking; you can never talk enough .

Feel free to chat to me; especially you are feeling in a low mood. I will always try my up most to help to motivate/support you.

Big hugs

Julie x

Darrin, thank you for writing about your condition. I really hope their is improvement soon. I think stabilising your condition is the most important thing at the moment. Once that happens, improvement of your condition and other parts of your life can follow.

Just taking 1 day at a time helps me make it through.A good support system of friends n family helps.Just knowing they are there is a weight of my mind.I rarely if ever call them.

I hope you get the help thats needed.Its the first step of asking that is scarey.Then having to talk it through.

Dont give up on yourself.Remember you are only human.You will have both good n bad days.Be gentle with you.

I've suffered with Depression, Stress, and Anxiety, since childhood, also ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Autism, my ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder, were only diagnosed a few weeks before my 29th birthday, and my Autism was finally diagnosed 2 months after my 29th birthday, I've grown up feeling very lost and angry most of my life, being misunderstood, persecuted for my behaviours, and being let down and abandoned, without the support I've needed, my angry outbursts have got me into a lot of trouble, and finally I'm getting help from my local drug and alcohol centre, counselling to reduce the harm of using drink and drugs, something I often did when angry, and am also receiving support and anger management from a local charity who support individuals affected by the criminal justice system, things are getting better, but we are having to fight for the help and support that I'm entitled to 

My Borderline Personality Disorder is really hard to live with, especially as I can't be medicated for it, at the same time as I'm medicated for my ADHD, as the meds react with each other, so doctors won't treat both conditions at the same time, sometimes the extreme mood swings can be debilitating and exhausting, although I recognise the Borderline Personality Disorder, it's just like I have very little to no control of it, sometimes it's just a case of trying to correct any damage caused by my mood swings after it's all over.

Hello, I suffer with anxiety, depression and PTSD, and every day is a battle. It's having the guts to allow myself to 'plummet' when I need to that I struggle with. Those downers, ironically, are what bring me back up again, make me feel a bit more alive each time I come back up. It's having faith that I will get back up that gets me through the nightmare times. Most important, its having faith that I will be SAFE when I sink down. That I will not fall apart, or self destruct. Just keep going, my friend, one foot in front of the other. You won't 'get over' it but you will get THROUGH it.

Thanks Roseallegra, I'm terrified of those dips in mood, as I struggle to get back up after, so much so that I've often become suicidal, I'm currently working through some of the things that are bothering me, and preventing me getting back up, with the Samaritans, and am on extra medication prescribed by my GP, that makes me feel intoxicated, but I am trying to continue putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how bad things get, thank you for your encouragement, I know I'm not alone, and eventually I will get through it, it just seems like a very tough journey right now xxx *hugs* 

I am a firm believer in once you have hit rock bottom; there is only one way to go and that is up. Also once you have got back up, you will never get that low again or experience those intense emotions/feelings again. I speak from my own personal experience. Recognizing the dark cloud approaching and having coping strategies in place will get you through and prevent you from hitting rock bottom.  Adopting a 2 steps forward, 3 steps back attitude will help you not to become overwhelmed by feelings of failure.

Learn to be gentle on yourself and not over critical of your low times; we all have them. 

Hopefully the feelings that you are experiencing due to your increase in medication will soon settle down.

Little by little, day by day my friends.

Julie x