Sexual Abuse and Menstrual Cramps

For some reasons I am working my way backwards on this site.

Yes, it is the alcoholic man that has apparently been on a real bender; along with is alcoholic 'friend'. Him being deemed 'responsible' to self medicate is the social /medical teams opinion. A lot of things go on but they are all out of our control. Who are we to question as it is only us that have to support them one to one to live an independent life; we can only advise which is fine if the person is capable of using the informed information to benefit them.

I do enjoy turning a messy place in to a clean one but it can be boring.

Hope that you have a decent nights sleep.

 Good Night + God Bless

Julie x

Haha ye I noticed newly answered discussions seemed to be at the bottom of the list, so things seem to end up going a little backwards, so you're not the only one 

Well going on benders is normal, for most people who struggle with alcohol issues, but perhaps his medical team should be advised he hasn't taken his meds for 8 days, would a depot injection be a possibility with the meds? or would they not be available in depot? as at least that way it would ensure he has had his meds, some people are lucky they have the support to help them live an independent life, the closest thing here is tenancy support, who help very little, and do nothing they don't have to, mostly just sit and drink coffee and ensure no repairs need doing 

I like to keep everything clean and tidy, everything has it's place especially tins in the kitchen cupboard, if their in the wrong order I get angry, autism and cleaning and order of things all go hand in hand, but the most ultimate boring cleaning task, has to be washing dishes

I'm sure I will get a good night's sleep, hope you get a good night's sleep too

Good Night *Love, Light & Hugs*

Stumpy. xXx   

Afternoon my lovely, Well I can now add to my CV that I can work in dark spaces as all the lights in the function room had blown last night during a function An electrician replaced the breaker switch ;all to no avail. If it had been summer then we would have been ok, but winter dull mornings are another matter.

We did the best that we could with all the mess etc. An electrician is in again tomorrow at 8 am.

Yes, the GP was notified ,along with his Disability Care Team. I have to cover all aspects not only for the service user and their well being ; but also myself. Having worked in the nursing profession, I totally understand the importance of regular medication. He will never address his drinking issues; sadly, it is his choice though ;as hard as it is for onlookers. 

 There is only 1 person who can help 'him' and that is himself . It really is a waste as he has had all the support imaginable and yet is still in denial.

A friend of mine who spent 12 months in hospital due to a break down informed me at the time my now ex was admitting his illness and yet doing nothing about it; despite we as a family all supporting him. As my friend informed me 'there were people in hospital who simply didn't want to get better' 

Rest assured that you would be properly supported with me as your support worker. It also annoys me when I see staff not doing what they are not only getting paid for but more importantly what they should not only be doing but also doing it because it is what they 'want to do'. If you aren't supportive, compassionate ,will to go above and beyond then you are in the wrong job.

I can't truly relax if something needs doing; in my eyes; whether it be dusting, hoovering or just putting something in its right place. In the club all the beer mats have to be placed in each corner of the table. The chairs have to be pleasing on the eye; with the various coverings in sync; along with how the table legs are positioned.  Apparently OCD or the tendencies associated with it in varying degrees. My work colleagues all know what I am like as I won't leave the building until it is all done which is infuriating even for me at times. I am getting better at home ,just not at work as I get paid. My conscience won't allow me to do otherwise.

I hope that you have a good day in both mind, body and spirit.

Oodles of love wrapped in wool for a gentle day.

Julie 

Oops hope the electrician figures out the problem with the lighting, I couldn't get to sleep last night, last time I remember checking the time was 5:37am  

I've been up since around 1pm, had dinner, had my dad have a shouting match already, but so glad Nan Betty is round, she came round for dinner, she warned him to stop with a look that could kill, she could clearly see I was shaking, I had to take Beta Blockers, and got a long elastic, doubled it around my hand and let rip with pinging it, because I felt so much like getting up and hitting him full on in the face, but that is not gonna help me, I need to rationalise, Nan Betty is still here, she has fallen asleep at the min, so I don't think he'd dare start having a screaming match, as she'd go all crazy on him haha 

People like my dad and others who don't want the help for their problems really annoy and upset me, it makes me mad, when they get all that help and the rest of us try so hard and get just the bare minimum of support, it makes me want to kick them and tell them, either stop wasting peoples time, and go it alone, or start accepting the help their getting and learn to use it constructively, and simply show respect and have a desire to get better, but I know not even that would change just how broken the system is, that these idiots who don't want the help or to get better still triumph over everybody else, in the hope one day they will change their mind, instead of focusing on those who do want to, I'm still trying to get local services to listen to sense, but it'll never happen 

The only time I ever feel truly relaxed is when I feel safe at my counsellors office, or when having acupuncture 

*Oodles of Hugs, wrapped cozily with wool, Love and Light* 

Stumpy. xXxXx 

Good on Nan Betty.  You have done well not to thump your dad and run. He is a bully.

You are not alone on your thoughts regarding those that won't help themselves. You are so right and it makes me so angry when Government money is thrown at those that have no wish to help themselves but are only too willing to accept everything going financially. Yet , people are struggling/ fighting to get support.

My partner is still awaiting support as am I his carer. The financial burden is crippling us at this moment and I no longer have savings to act as a buffer. Another reason why I am looking for a job change. I can't do too many hours daily as that is when he really starts to over think and rapidly his mood falls. Depression stinks. I really don't know how he copes to be honest ,especially with his kids not contacting him but still accepting his gifts; not forgetting that he is terminally ill.

I hope that his wife gets all that she deserves in life and rots in Hell at the end of it Nasty, I know but she has caused him so much pain and hurt. 

When you are sorted , you will then have the inner peace that you so deserve. You will be surrounded by calmness . Just picture it when you are struggling to stay calm.

Are you still doing your breathing exercises? Sometimes I truly feel like I would internally combust if I didn't focus on my breathing. .

Be at peace tomorrow, don't let any so +so upset you. Just Smile.

Woolly socks and duvets my dear friend. 

Julie xxxxxx

Hehe thanks, ye I must remember to breathe, sometimes I forget , I get itchy skin on my hands and feet when my anxiety is high, and the elastic at least helps to combat the itching, although, where I put it on my foot and pinged it, there is a lovely red stripe, I think I did it a little too hard, as it nearly broke the skin, that's gonna be visible for a while, but at least it won't scar, I hate the skin itching from anxiety, it makes me feel really crazy, it's like insects crawling on my skin, with no insects, and no I don't have scabies, it is just from anxiety lol, at least if it were from scabies I could treat it and make it go away, but with anxiety, no such luck

When I'm sorted, I pictured myself in the summer sitting on the beach by my new place, with my friends, nice and tranquil in the sunshine  and then watching the tide coming in at night, hear the waves crashing and falling

I think there should be a requirement for people getting the support to complete so many actions on an action plan per session, and if they are not completed then they should cease to receive the support, leaving availability for someone else who does want the help and to get better to be given that time and support, I find it frustrating that all some of the drunks do, is turn up each fortnight, and continue to get benefits, and make no effort to cut down or stop drinking, and they get disability benefits, just because they drink and attend counselling, not because they have a disability  

I had to fight for years to get my mental health conditions diagnosed, had to struggle by on pennies, going to drug and alcohol counselling out of choice, not because I've been forced, but because I wanted the help, but the more physically well I become, the more they cut down the amount of support I can access, not taking into account my mental health, the newly unearthed abuse issues and the time it takes to work through that, and that the doctors and mental health service, under the instructions of the government seem to be setting me up deliberately to fail, my counsellor is concerned I'm going to relapse through a lack of access to the necessary support, especially that of my psychiatrist, but I refuse to give up, and keep searching for what I can access until the system gets fixed to work how it should, and desperately try to remain as positive as I can despite how badly broken the system really is, keep taking the meds, and keep smiling, no matter how bad things get

It's terrible that you're partner considering he's terminally ill is unable to get the support he needs, and you as his carer, and the support services that are out there question why we turn to online forums, and question the safety of those forums, something I just see as ignorance, it makes me so mad, sometimes I just want to bash the doctors/psychs and government officials with their stupid opinions heads in

You shouldn't have to have the strain of having to find another job, because of the financial burden, that is so unfair, and I think if you're partner is going to give his kids gifts, then instead of sending them, perhaps just let them know he has gifts for them, that they have to collect, that way if they want the gift they'd have to see him, and the nasty wife, although I'd call her ex-wife, even if there has not been a divorce, she's clearly not in his life, would not have a say in if they are to see him or not, sounds like she is nasty and can be quite controlling and manipulative/influential, I'd be really pissed and angry too were it me in this position, I really hope he gets to see them and that they do make peace and start being there for him, before he passes, bitterness between parents, should never influence a child's relationship with the other parent

I often feel I could internally combust into flames, or better still like a film I saw, just disappear, leaving nothing but a pile of clothes left where I was sat/stood with no explanation, a bit like turning into a ghost 

Wooly Socks and Duvet's makes me think of my camping group I belong to, that I go camping with, I often wear bed socks round the camp fire, but things could be a little awkward when I report my dad, as I used to go camping with my parents with the group, but of course that isn't going to happen any more, and none of the people in that group know anything about my past/childhood, I'm not sure how I'm going to explain it to any of them when the time comes, I think that's just something I'll face when the need arises

*Hugs, Squishes, Warmth and Light, wrapped with Wooly Warm Onesie Love Hehe*

Stumpy. xxxxx   

Haha Just read your post. Your comments always make me laugh. This time it was referring to your itching. Re read the previous post as it contains your life in the future... Relive it as it will be such a fabulous place to be and it is where you WILL be.

I completely agree with your comments regarding benefits. The person I have supported today has apparently not informed us of appointments with the drug/drink rehabilitation group. His counsellor was apparently 'livid' .I wouldn't mind but I had even asked him today if he had heard from the unit and he said'no'. Well that lie has bounced back on him as the unit has phoned the office.

I have actually told my partner not to send 'gifts' to his children as they don't even acknowledge them which is down right rude. My now ex would occasionally acknowledge the boys via inbox on facebook and although he hasn't bothered to visit them  [guilt on his part] they would always acknowledge him.  I am still angry that he hasn't acknowledged his son's 2st. This is the son who earlier last year suffered 2 bleeds on the brain. His dad made the right sounds on his own f/book account but he only visited him once and hasn't seen him since. My son was too ill to really care at the time of his bed side visit.

My partner's ex mustn't have a conscience. I think that she blames him for his breakdown /CML etc. Her keeping his kids ways is her way of hurting him . One of his children is of the age to respond. Manners cost nothing.

Wouldn't life be easy if we could internally combust? What a sight that would be.

Don't waste your energy on things that may never happen in the future. I am referring to the camping comments. I can't really see anyone mentioning it to you. Continue wearing your woolly socks.

Take a day at a time. Don't waste time over thinking the future.

Chat later my sweet.

Julie xxxxxxxxxxx

At least reading this made me smile, no matter how crappy I feel, internally combusting is mild compared to my current thoughts, I actually sent Huw a text telling him I see plenty of trees but have no rope, I felt that crap today, fed up of getting the blame from everyone for the arrangements for my dog to be looked after while I go on holiday, all going wrong, I think if Huw had his way right now I'd be in a re-hab bed in psych unit d-t-ing off Valium, until I no longer feel the need for Valium, and feeling like I want to hang myself without it, irrational I know, hence I'm continuing to fight those thoughts, I think Huw is just afraid I can't fight it on my own, but I sure as hell am gonna try, I'm not giving up, I want my life by the beach, and that is bloody hell what I'm gonna have, I'm going on this holiday, with or without Valium, and if the doctor tries to suggest otherwise, I'll just deny the Valium withdrawal, after all I haven't actually acted on any of my feelings, I think considering the circumstances, those feelings should be allowed 

I now have an itchy eye too, first eye infection of the year I think, lets see if I top last years 5 infections in a year, too much eye rubbing from dry eye and stress  I'm struggling with cutting down the Beta Blockers, despite the dry eye, so yet another thing I have to discuss with my GP, but at least I'm not ignoring my health, so fingers crossed, I'll feel more positive in the next few days 

I feel like I'm gonna need a holiday to get over my holiday, maybe I can go see Jon on Thursday, maybe that'd help my GP feel better about things, I don't actually want to continue the Valium, but what I do want is the GP to understand that I feel I may need a short break at psych ward to get over the stress of everything when I get back, without the need to argue just to get a bed, I want him to arrange it so I can get a break to take a look properly at my meds, as there is still no word from the psych, I want to feel more stable, I think I need a better balance of meds, as it's just not holding me, perhaps switching onto Adderall instead of Ritalin when I get back home to see if that will help the stability, but I want to make the transition of meds in a safe environment because withdrawal symptoms whilst switching can be really nasty, I want to feel contented and happy ready to spend the summer at the beach 

Stumpy. xxxxxxxxxx

Wahoo finally starting to feel better, and calmer, I've found a kennel for my dog, so I won't lose the money for my holiday, thanks for the support whilst my stress levels were elevated, I'm trying to stay positive and hoping to enjoy my holiday when I go, but may need help to stop me shutting off and clamming up, when I get back, to ensure I do continue to do the right thing for myself, making the report, as I don't want to change my mind after being rested up from my holiday, and then end up regretting it a few months down the line if things start getting bad again 

*Much Love & Hugs, Chat later my wonderful supportive friends*

Stumpy. xxxxxxxxxxxx

Lovely to read Stumpy. 

Keep those holiday images flowing.

Chat later , I hope. xx

Gentle hugs,

Julie