Depression Relapse

First of all Welcome, from all of the residents of Carenity, we all in the same boat here no judgement or anything , I have only been on here a little while and found some amazing friends, you need to go back and see your G.P. and speak to them about going back on either the same meds or a new one, It will help balance you out a little, that is the top priority, second depression is nothing to be ashamed of, it is a genuine chemical imbalance, it is not a life choice, we don't wake up and decide well from now on we are going to be depressed.

My GP explained it to me like this, your body is off balance, it is like a set of scales, and in order for it to balance we need to work together to make sure that the chemicals our body needs for us to be happy and healthy are the same as the chemicals our body is either making or we are adding with our medication.

I know it is a scary journey , but you don't have to do it alone, we are all here for you, let me know how you get on.

Love light and peace x

@depressedandanxious hi my jean I have had this for over 28 to 30 years of my life and I really now how it is because I had the same feeling and wanting to do the same your family will want to help you has much has they can with it and be their for you too. It can help to talk to some one that you trust and some one that nows what you are going through to. So I do hope you can get help and get on some balance with you life agin.

Hi depressedandanxious it a lonely place to be if you don't let friends family in if your worried about worrying them don't they will want to help you and would probably be anxious themselves if they found out you didn't tell them,I found that you need all the help and support you can get,I can't speak to my family about my depression they don't listen nor want to know,so if you have a loving supportive family don't shut them out,I myself don't take medication due to health problems and it's a constant struggle daily I find the sight my saviour have only been on it a wk and it's helping so good luck talk to as many people as you can,always here if you need a chat add me as a friend if you so wish xxx

Hi depressedandanxious. I too "thought" that I was fine and didn't need to take the prescribed medication for anxiety depression. I was wrong and I did find out the "hard way" by going backwards instead of forwards. I hadn't learned my lesson the first time, when I not only told family/friends bit more importantly that "I was fine" ;I wasn't and when I had thoughts of such despair that I had thoughts of walking in to traffic I then accepted /acknowledged that I needed help. 

No medication didn't solve my problems mentally but they did help to ease my frantic mind enabling me to focus on my issues. 

Even though I know about withdrawing off medication;  I thought that "I knew better".My GP had phoned to discuss some blood results and asked how I was. I did tell him and mentioned my emotions and I was advised to go back on them. That was 12 months ago and it is only now that I am now reducing my medication; under supervision. I have been on medication for 3 years.

Don't beat yourself up ; like me you will get to a better place.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that you are struggling. It is perfectly acceptable to say that you are not ok. 

Your family will understand ;you need to act now before you fall any further .There is only one important person that matters here and that is YOU.

Talk, talk and talk some more. Talking really is the best tool available ,along with medication if needed.

I completely understand what you are feeling through my own personal experience. 

In my darkest days , I never ever thought that my life would ever change for the better; I was so wrong as I am in truly wonderful place in my life.

Was it easy getting here? No it does take a lot of self help especially having coping strategies if you feel those dark clouds approaching.

Do I still have low days...Yes but who doesn't?

I promise you this ,once you have reached rock bottom , there is only one way....up. It is a case of acknowledging, accepting and embracing 100% all the tools available to help you.

You will never ever feel those dark, lonely, painful, frightening days with the same emotions with the same intensity again. Yes, you will remember how awful they were but that is all.

I will always be here, along with all the others on this group to support, encourage ,along with building friendships. I couldn't really tell my family/friends how bad I was feeling as I didn't want to worry them. This group really is a great place to release those inner most thoughts/worries etc. You are not alone in what you are gong through; it is all under the same heading of depression.

Be gentle on yourself. 

Gentle hugs, wrapped with love

Julie x

I just can't go on every day is a struggle. The anxiety crippling I am a community nurse still trying to put on brave face

Hi Badger. Please believe me when I tell you that 'you can go on' How do I know? Because, I was of the same mindset. 

I too, was diagnosed with anxiety depression  and really do understand/relate all the emotions that you may be experiencing.

I was in such a dark ,lonely ,frightening ,painful place in my life.

I went from being a bubbly, outgoing person in to a stranger; someone even I didn't recognize. I started suffering with panic attacks and yet still I told family/friends but more importantly that 'I was fine and i was coping' The turning point for me was on having thoughts of walking in to traffic; selfish I know but this was the point that I realized just how ill I had become. Logic/reasoning flies out of the window with depression.

You need to acknowledge, accept and embrace the fact that you are struggling. It is fine to say that you aren't ok and need help. No one is exempt  from mental illness no matter what your profession is.

I was working in the public eye and when I eventually told people/colleagues what had happened and how I was feeling they were so shocked as like you, I put on a brave face. My now ex of 30 years committed adultery; he was also diagnosed as being 'psychotic + delusional' but despite us all standing by him supporting his illness;he just told us what we wanted to hear. He was leading a double life.

Alongside this issue, my dad was diagnosed with COPD, whilst my sister with Cancer. I was at risk of losing my part time job. The stress/anxiety was unbelievable. I felt like I was drowning as it overwhelmed me.

From my experience, you need time away from work enabling you to focus on you and getting you to a better place mentally.

My financial situation was dire as my ex controlled everything. I didn't even know who supplied our utilities. I had trusted him 100%; our future was sorted all for the good. Suddenly ,it was all gone. I felt totally overwhelmed by life.

Although the  medication helped to ease my frantic mind they didn't take away all that was going on. I truly thought that my head would explode with all the pressure I was feeling.

Take small steps; don't look too far ahead.

Be gentle on yourself; I felt such a failure in my life. It is only now that i realize that I was accepting my ex's justifications for him to cheat. I was the victim and yet he made himself out to be the 'wronged' one ,despite all his actions not just to myself but to friends/family. he still can't accept the guilt but that is his problem and I refuse to let him control me again.

He still to this day won't 'own' his doings. He will never ever be in a happy place until he does.

Do things for you, no matter how small. Go for walks, taking time to notice the flowers instead of the weeds

Concentrate on your breathing; especially in times of anxiety. I still do this to this day; as I address 60 club members who live with learning difficulties weekly. This calms me down and enables me to focus. I love my new job; which was also a result of my going outside my comfort zone when I felt stronger that is.

Have you recognized what started your anxiety?

Once you pinpoint the reasons for your illness it is then that your journey of recovery can truly begin.

I am in such a wonderful place in my life; has it been easy ? No.

It was a long ,dark path but there really is light at the end of that dark tunnel.

Sadly, there are no short cuts to getting to a better place but it is so worth it when you get to the end.

Talking really is the best tool available; the more you talk about your 'issues' then the less impact they have.

This group is ideal for doing just that as you will receive not only support /encouragement you will realize that you are not alone in what you are going through. Our causes for our illness may differ but the emotions etc are the same as we all have first hand experience; something that even the medical profession may not have. You truly understand what a dark place the journey of depression takes you on.

Always here to chat/support you. You are never judged on here. So talk, talk and talk some more.

Adopt the 2 steps forward, 3 steps back approach and remember; tomorrow is another day.

Gentle hugs.

Julie 

Thank you so much Julie. Just been GP to get more meds. And said about talking therapy.

all seems overwhelming at moment just want to hide away

but thanks for your kind words

x

I was 'you' wanting to hide away, lacked any motivation, felt like everyone was getting on with their lives and I was stuck in a fog; walking back from work practically running because I wanted to get home before the tears would flow like a river.

Talking really will get you to that 'better' place. This is great if you can't face the person as we are all strangers unlikely to ever meet ; a penfriend of over 30 years would email me daily despite us never meeting. She was my saviour as I could tell how low I was feeling /my thoughts etc .She was SO supportive. I have an amazing family/friends but I didn't want to burden them; especially when I felt suicidal. 

Life overwhelmed me; I felt that I was drowning but I didn't and I am here to tell you that neither will you. It all takes time and a lot of self help along with the medication.

Once you find the strength to open up and address what is making you ill then it will become easier with less impact on your well being. My new partner was of the upbringing that 'real men just get on with it and certainly don't cry' He was suicidal /self medicating on alcohol /drink driving etc. He hit rock bottom and that was when his recovery began. He hasn't found it easy saying that he was struggling etc but now he has learned that talking is the only way. He is still under the GP ,along with his oncology doctors as he is terminally ill.

Please, please don't think that you are ever alone on here or with what you are going through because you are NOT.

Private message me if you feel strong enough. Small steps.

Believe me when I tell you that there really is a wonderful bright life out there waiting for you to grab. It just takes time. 

I will always be here for you at the other end of this laptop.

Gentle hugs wrapped with love.

Julie xxx

I am really struggling luckily not in work I don't know what to do first 

this is so hard trying to express what going on in my head

sorry know this makes no sense?

Believe you me; I totally understand how hard it is to express yourself and what is running round in your head. It does make sense. From my own personal experience I wasn't able to make any logic/rational decisions until further down the line. 

My mind was frantic and I couldn't turn it off. I couldn't sleep but was continually tired. As pointed out by my GP , sleep really is needed. Once I managed to drift off , I would sleep in short blasts but they weren't 'restful'. I was prescribed amitryptline and to calm my mind but self help was vital. Try your hardest to try and clear your mind; listen to relaxing music anything to stop over thinking about what you want/where you go from here.

Don't put pressure on yourself; take small steps. 

I will be on here later. Keep talking; you will sort yourself out; sadly it will just take time.

Until later.

Julie xx