Suicidal thoughts, not coping, how to get treatment without carrying out my plans?

Hi seansulli and welcome. You are right ; this is the ideal place to share your problems with. 

The more you talk then the least impact your 'issues' will have on your well being.

Looking forward to not only supporting you but also getting to know you.

Little  little ,day by day.

Julie x 

Hey Julie, today didn't go quite to plan, I Didn't manage to see Jon, someone had broken the window at the CDAT building, and it had been boarded up, and boarded up windows give me the creeps, so I spent most of the day sitting in the park, before seeing Sarah my Anger Management Support Worker, I do feel a touch better and the feelings are subsided, but am still not great, I had to buy some new elastics, been pinging them on my hands and wrists all day, just for some relief, to at least try to keep me calm, I am calmer than this morning, I did text Huw my counsellor, but either he wasn't in work today, or just chose not to reply to my negative text, but I'd rather be honest with him, than lie about the way I feel xxx

I am getting by, and about to take my Scooby up to the Home Boarding, to see if they will have/accept him there, 

I'll let you know either way as soon as I know, hope they will, as I'm really not happy with the idea of putting Scooby in regular kennels, but if I have to, then I will, I have to ring the GP in the morning, sort out seeing him to get a month script of my Ritalin, and see if or not I stay on the Beta Blockers, or tail off them? also pick up my letter to be able to take my Ritalin to Thailand with me, will let you know how everything goes, and will likely stay in touch whilst on my holiday too, as will have wifi almost everywhere I go

*Hugs, wrapped with Love*

Stumpy. X  

Hiya Mrs. Try and look up on Scoobie as going on his own holiday. We used to board our 2 dogs  [lab + a rotty] .I would never go to drop them off as it would upset me but I would go to collect them. My son boards his 2 rescue dogs and they haven't suffered although they do fret when it happens as it does with most pets.

I agree, it is better to be honest than to lie . How can you help support someone who lies??? You can't.

Flipping vandals.!!!

You have got through the day; remember; little by little day by day.

You are doing so well to stay focused. 

If you can get through the holiday etc and cope with everything related to sorting it out then you will be well on your way to a better life.

Oodles of love flying your way.

Be gentle on yourself.

Julie xxxx

The home boarding was a no go, as Scooby hates cats, and they were not happy with his reaction to their cat, tried another local kennel and that was also a no, as they don't have the dates available, I have a 3rd place to check out and try Thursday, but also concerned the doctor is gonna say I'm too mentally unwell to fly, since Huw phoned him today, telling him I'm now in Valium withdrawal and having recurrent suicidal feelings 

Exactly I feel the same, that Huw would be unable to support me, if I were to lie, suicidal feelings because of Valium withdrawal is really not going to help my stress levels, if tomorrow the GP doesn't ok things and allow me to continue the Valium, and write me yet another letter to take Valium with me, then I'm gonna tell him to get me a bed in psych ward so I can get a break, as I really feel like I'm losing grip, sitting in the park all day staring at the trees, and wishing I had a rope, is really not healthy, I'm struggling without the Valium, at least the Valium makes me feel a little happy, even if it isn't a good solution in the long term, I need it to get me through right now 

*Oodles of Love & Hugs*

Stumpy. xxx

Ok after positive news on the dog kennelling situation, I think I can manage the Valium withdrawal alone, without hospital, but think I'm still gonna need to continue the Beta Blockers for a little longer, finally some light and strength 

*Oodles and oodles of Hugs, wrapped very carefully with Love, in a very gentle way*

Thank You for sticking with me through my darkness my wonderful strong friend

Stumpy. xx 

Oh my sweet, dear friend there is no need to 'thank me' . This forum is set up to support  others ;plus I really class you as a 'friend' .I feel like we have formed a special bond.

You have got to listen to the medical teams involved regarding your holiday. It is easier for them being on the outside looking in than it will be for you looking out as logic/reasoning etc aren't reliable when you aren't in a good place mind wise.

Don't you dare be thinking of exiting this planet...I will come looking for you if you do!!  Seriously and I am sure that when you are on an even keel , you know that suicide isn't the right way. You are stronger than that. Just look at your positive posts and remember how good you felt .xx

I do hope that you sort out the kennel situation.

I have invited my 85 year old friend to come and stay with us for a few days as he lives alone and has never married. He is fiercely independent . I clean for him but on my last visit he was complaining of getting over 'flu' . He wasn't eating and as he felt so ill/weak. I did pick him up some medication but on phoning him last night to see how he was; I realized just how bad he was feeling when he told me that if "someone had told him to sit in his chair until he dies ,then he would" Not good is it??

As a result of that call, he is coming here for a few days until he feels better. His house is a large one with only wall heaters which he doesn't have on. Brrr....

I am taking him to his GP later this afternoon.

As if that wasn't enough my mum was informed yesterday that she has to return to hospital this morning for urgent follow up tests.. I felt guilty but she has my sisters whereas the chap doesn't have any family but I still feel like I am putting him over my mum.

I do hope that today is a little brighter for you.

Keep your chin up and your mind alive with only good thoughts.

Until later.

Love, light and positive rays.

Julie x

Bah things went wrong again today, my doctor wasn't in, he was called out on a house call, got a call from a GP who I've had problems with on many occasions, went to pick up my letter at a surgery 15 miles drive away, only to find it wasn't ready, hadn't even been printed let alone signed, have to go back to my local surgery, tomorrow morning in the hope my GP is there to sort out my script correctly, I can't believe I have to give up my plans for tomorrow because the GP I hate got the dosage wrong because he was too lazy to look through my notes and at the letter from my GP that states I need 126 tablets, not 84, I can't magic my way home from Thailand to pick up another script, I need the full month script on both scripts not just 1, as I have 2 scripts, one for 30mg, and one for 15mg he only did the script for the 30mg, and not the 15mg, so total is 45mg 

I'm cutting things tight on time to my holiday and the doctors surgery are making a mess of things, he also refused to up the dosage of my Beta Blockers back up to 40mg claiming their not available on the NHS, if that were the case, my GP would not have prescribed them at that dose, I requested to drop there dose because of the dry eyes, but not coping with the anxiety, and I know had it have been my GP, he would not have refused the increase, so will have to see my GP tomorrow to get my scripts done, so no better as far as the anxiety goes, but at least my GP got the letter correct, one positive, something I wasn't told is that I had to pay for the letter, lucky I had money on me, and already suspected, despite not being told, been pinging my elastics frantically today, and have made it clear that I intend to make a formal complaint, and copy that complaint to the Community Health Council 

I hoped to go to Mind tomorrow but now I can't thanks to a stupid GP, I already made it clear on previous occasions that I do not wish to have any contact with the GP who they had to call me, he's the GP who actually made me feel suicidal because of his attitude towards me, when my ADHD was first diagnosed, I almost hung myself because of him, I really was put in a difficult position this morning, his answer to not allowing my months script was that I was due for review in December, the Psychiatrist cancelled my appointment, not me, but it appears I'm getting the blame! 

So this GP wants to destroy my holiday, put me through Ritalin withdrawal on my holiday, all because the psychiatrist won't see me , I'm so fuming , me and this GP clash badly, and I'm coming so close to punching his lights out , I don't know what makes him think he has the right to play god with peoples lives, he even suggested that Beta Blockers are a sedative, when their not prescribed as a sedative, but to combat the physical effects of my anxiety (shaking) that makes me feel crazy, I can't stop shaking, been shaking uncontrollably all day, it makes me feel so crazy it makes me want to hang myself, that is not sedation, it's purely control of physical symptoms, I really want to smash this GP in the Chops, smash his teeth out! 

I feel like going to hospital A&E and telling them about this, that a GP is deliberately pushing me to feel suicidal, it's crazy, it's certainly not fair, I'm fed up of seeing the doctors surgeries, and the gobby receptionists, I'm so looking forward to moving, to get a decent GP practice, although I will miss my actual GP, who is excellent, if and when, I can get in, to see him, should I phone the crisis team? and ask them if they'd like to attend, because I'm in crisis because a GP decided he wanted to play god?

But I'm not doing none of this, instead, I'm not calling nobody, I'm going over to see my grandad, and gonna go see my Auntie Val, she will make sure I'm ok 

*Much Love & Hugs, and hope you're day has been better than mine*

Stumpy. x 

Whoops! You are right you are not a happy bunny. Get control , don't let anyone ruin the run up to your holiday. You use the same phase as I do " punch his lights out "  it made me giggle. As the Frozen song says " let it go, let it go". Focus on what's around the corner ... Your jolly to Thailand. Yes your GP has his opinion + you will take it in your stride. I suppose he is covering himself ?? Who knows his reason. Yes private notes etc are costly. Rise above it . Do something nice for you tonight , something to channel your anger. Whopping big hugs xxxx

He's not my GP, my GP wasn't there, I have to go see my GP tomorrow, the GP I saw was the crap mongering c*ck womble, who was responsible for my scripts years ago when I was considered an addict, him and his ex wife, when my methadone script mysteriously vanished, he was just deliberately being awkward, I swear he hates my guts, tomorrow my GP will sort it and he'll be annoyed at it affecting my day for several days and will apologise for the other GP, and I will tell him, it's not up to him to apologise, it's up to the other war mongering twit and his hench receptionists 

If I can't get my script I can't go as I won't risk Ritalin withdrawal for Thailand 

Just cross my fingers that my GP sorts it tomorrow morning 

If I can't get the script, then the letter he's written will be a waste of money 

*Hugs wrapped crazily with lots of string, tape, elastic, and lots and lots of Love*

Stumpy. X 

In my experienced of what I had was severe, I did experience so many suicidal thoughts and depressive mood swings since 14 but wasn't diagnosed with it until 17. I used to force myself talk to psychology support because I didn't want to end my life because I had so many positive plans for my future and success all the achievements I've always wanted.

My opinion, if you have a close friend who is aware and understandable of your thoughts, ask them to sleep at their house which can help you to feel positive and have great laugh or whatever you tend to do with that individual, trying to cope with suicidal thoughts is the worst not many people would understand how hard the situation is. all my friends know what I'm going through right now and they always help me to be sociable to have the clear mind. don't force yourself to talk that's when the physical drainage will come to you, only do it when your ready and prepare for expressing your emotions out which will effectively help.

much love x