Suicidal thoughts, not coping, how to get treatment without carrying out my plans?

Make the most of the Hot Springs.

it is dull and cold here, following a weekend of rain. 

I hope that all goes well tomorrow.

Sending oodles of the love stuff.

Julie x

Been to Sankampheang Hot Springs today, pool there was closed, so went in the hot tub 

Beautiful place, but now I've experienced it, it's not somewhere I'd go back to 

I hope the rain  clears up   for you guys back in the UK, my cousins leave on Wednesday to go back home, as they have to get back to work, so I'll be half way through my holiday by then 

Am off to the hospital tomorrow finally to see if they'll remove my pillar cyst from my back, I hope they will, they should do as it's private medical treatment 

Looking forward to being able to lay on my back without the half a golf ball, my auntie Val has made 2 comments that it's gotten so bug she can see it through my bathing costume, and my top during the day, and I've bought 2 back scratchers whilst here as it's been so itchy, right now it's painful, I'm tired, but not sure how well I'll sleep, I hope I sleep well, I have been nearly nodding off whilst out with family tonight at the hotel dining area, as I had 4 bottles of Red Bull whilst out at a local bar tonight before we all met back up at the hotel dining area/bar, before retreating to bed, so crossing my fingers 

*Oodles of Hugs, wrapped with warm sunburnt peeling arms, of Love*

P.S, Ooch itchy with sunburn, looking forward to my cold refreshing swim in the pool at 7am, so my bed is calling early tonight, I'm retiring earlier than usual, it's only 11:28pm here now, have been up most nights until gone 1am 

Stumpy. X 

How lucky are you going away for more than the usual 2 weeks.  At this present moment in time I would love to go away for a few days . Both myself and my partner have had a few stressful weeks and both yearn for some time away from reality.

Are your cousins ready to return home?

I do hope that you have a productive day tomorrow and your surgery goes well. xx

Enjoy your swim

Love + hugs.

Julie 

Well am up, was up at 7:10am went straight in the pool, have been for breakfast, now just sitting around waiting for the 10am minibus, to take my laundry up to the launderette, then off to the hospital to see if they'll remove my cyst, it's 9:05 am now so less than an hour until the minibus 

A little apprehensive now, although am sure I'll be fine, looking forward to no more annoying lump on my back, spent most of the night sleeping on my front, although I did sleep  well 

Had one of the Chinese guests here pay me a compliment this morning, that my swimming is beautiful, I did accept and say thank you, despite struggling with accepting compliments 

My cousin's are ready to go home they actually felt ready to go home after 10 days, that they say is optimal, I'm glad I'm here longer, or I'd not have time to get rid of the cyst off my back, maybe sometime you and you're hubby will get time to have a holiday 

I'm looking forward to getting home too, I have to admit, a month out here is a long time, despite how fast my family feel it goes, only thing I'm not looking forward to is the flight home, don't wanna be poisoned again, it has been enough to put me off leaving the UK, ever again in future, I'm not eating on board the plane, I'm gonna stuff food the day before, and see if I can take some snacks on board the plane, at least that way, I know I'm not gonna be poisoned on the way home, like on the way out here, also gonna ask at the hospital about the possibility of a sedative for on the plane, and try to get an aisle seat if I can 

*Hugs wrapped with Love*

Stumpy. xxx 

Haha; Your post did make me giggle regarding your 'in flight food'.

It is raining here and so it was nice [no , I lie .it isn't nice ] to read that you are basking in the sunshine.

Whenever I used to receive a compliment ,I would always play it down with a negative . It is hard to accept them if you have low self esteem. Stand proud my lovely friend; be proud of yourself just as you should be. Accept that others see good in you. We really can be our own worst critics can't we?

I now accept them in the manner in which they were given and just 'thank them' for taking the time out to tell me.

I can always remember when my now ex complimented me on my weight loss [all stress related due to him] and I actually turned round and said; 'Yes, I know that I look good'. I actually don't know who was more shocked him or me

Mind you, his compliments didn't last long as my weight went down and my confidence soared as he would tell me/children 'that I needed to stop losing weight'. 

Let me know how the op went; I am thinking of you today.

Gentle hugs my lovely friend.

Julie 

Ok pics from yesterday of Sankampheang Hot Springs https://goo.gl/gEqOny

Today I dropped my laundry at the launderette, then went down to the McCormick Hospital  it didn't go exactly quite to plan, turns out I didn't/don't have food poisoning, but rather an acute bacterial infection in the cyst on my back, so I'm now on round 2 of even stronger antibiotics, I have an appointment to go back to the hospital next week, to see the doctor to see if the infection has cleared enough to remove the cyst, although I don't think it will be, also I'm due out for a family get together on the 8th, so really not practical to stay in hospital over night here on the 7th, before having my operation on the 8th, and I'd rather not have the risk of secondary infection or a sore back, or possibility of blood clots because of the long haul flight on the 15th, besides the £450 cost of the removal as it's not considered emergency treatment, I can't claim it back from my insurance 

Each appointment at the hospital for the consultation, and any medication has cost £40 a time, so I'll have already spent over £100 on medical treatment for an infected cyst that should have been removed 2 years ago, it's acutely infected and the Thai doctor is disgusted with the doctors in the UK 

But I'm just trying not to let it ruin any more of my holiday 

I'm off to Bo Sang tomorrow, it's a place where they paint on your clothing or bags or other items with cool dragon or elephant designs, it's an umbrella factory really where they paint cool designs on Thai umbrella's 

Looking forward to getting home to tackle my doctors back at home 

*Hugs wrapped with Love*

Stumpy. Xxx 

Oh my life!!! You are in the thick of it aren't you.

It must be horrible for you having the infection. 

Well, they are certainly having their monies worth out of you . I hope that it won't be too long before you get some relief .xx

Bo Sang sounds like it will be fun. Let me know what you  buy. 

Have a top day my sweet.

Sending oodles of the lovely stuff.

Julie  xxx

I could barely get out of bed this morning, I'm so drowsy from the strong antibiotics, and after breakfast I felt so nauseous again that I felt like I was gonna chuck up, so had to take Motilium M antiemetic tablet again, my back has been really itching like crazy today, although I'm trying my hardest not to scratch it, and waiting hoping the itch passes 

I did manage to go to Bo Sang in a red car, after letting the Motilium M take effect, and really enjoyed there, had my hat, my top and my handbag painted 

I think the medications I've had out here are amazing, and it's taught me a lot about self treatment back in the UK when I'm ill, as I have no trust or faith in UK doctors, gonna get as much paper work from the doctor here, as I can, and take it back for my doctor to see, in hope I can finally get the cyst removed, right now it's hurting, I go from itchy, to burning, to it feeling like it's being squashed, to pain, like a stabbing sensation, a dull ache or even throbbing, right now it's a dull ache 

Going out to town tonight, not that I really want to, but my family all want to go out, I just feel lousy, and want to rest, but I know I won't eat if I stay behind on my own, with no prompting to do so, and taking my Ritalin is not so effective if I don't stick to a routine with my eating habits, and energy levels, I'm like one of those people who gets huge bursts of energy when I don't eat, I crave exercise and there is nowhere here to do any exercise except the pool, and that closes for cleaning at 7pm anyway, and it's 5:20pm now 

Oodles of warm Hugs, wrapped with Love as always*

Stumpy. Xx 

Good Morning, The photos of your painted items were lovely, what a great memento of your time spent in Thailand.

It was sad to read that you are suffering. I do hope that the discomfort passes.

I feel that it is so important to have some sort of routine for a better well being.Please try and take proper care of yourself.xx

Enjoy your meal out with your family, although I do sympathize with you feeling under the weather.

Lots of love wrapped with cotton wool hugs.

Julie

Well today I've not left the hotel, except to go down the local coffee shop just a 2 minute walk away, going out tonight to Big C Extra, for food, and to watch some entertainment, been having a lazy day, feeling a touch better for resting a little 

*Hugs wrapped with Love*

Stumpy. X x x x