AS and Intimacy

@manuella26 Hello manuella26, thank you for starting this discussion. Intimacy is an important part of life as a couple, and it's important that you both be comfortable communicating with each other. Let me tag some members who may be able to share their experience or advice with you.

Hello all, I hope you're doing well. How do you handle intimacy in your relationship? Have you experienced hesitancy with your partner? Can you share any experiences or advice with Manuella?

@Coling‍ @Missy2‍ @eileengreen‍ @Joduell‍ @saxon49‍ @SuziBloor‍ @DebiJP‍ @Jenpat‍ @Catblonde‍ @Suzief‍ @Shelldurrant‍ @Kelgirl76‍ @Dollydymchurch‍ @Becky5343‍ @Abuosman‍ @trefor‍ @mads8384‍ @hung.7‍ 

Take care,

Courtney

@manuella26 Hi manuella. I understand what you mean. Honestly haven't had any intimacy in my marriage for awhile either. Embarrassingly so. He never initiates anything, I'm sure he's unsure how to proceed being everything has changed, and he's really concerned about hurting or embarrassing me or himself. Probably should get back in the saddle.....

@manuella26 Hello, I don't know what your situation is, i.e. to what extent your spondylitis affects you, but I'm sure that behind your partner's "fear" may be a lack of communication. Talk to him and tell him that the situation doesn't suit you, reassure him, take initiatives to make your relationship as smooth as possible, but above all, talk to him. That's the way I would go about it, but maybe other people are going through a similar situation and will be able to give you other solutions. Chin up, everything will work out if you both want it. 

Hi there my fiance who passed away on the 25th July 2019 had AS. We ended up not being intimate as he was in a lot of pain . 

Hi Ya'll

I have been a 'monk' since June 2005, just before my first heart attack. Prior to that I found making love very painful at times, I have A.S virtually all over my body and have had it since 2001. Flare ups? Nothing new., My lower back felt like electric shocks going through it. Since my first heart attack my wife says 'I would rather have you and no intimacy, than have intimacy and no you'. We have found that our love for each other has grown stronger in other ways. We don't even think about it now unless there is something 'fruity' on the telly?

You don't need to be sexually intimate to be. Oh! so very close to the one you love. Try it and see?

@richard0804 That is so true. Emotional intimacy is so important, being able to be yourself completely and share your inner-most secrets and thoughts. Thank you for your perspective, it's got me thinking. 

Hi April007

I trust you and your family are as well as can be expected? My wife Wendy and I are just about managing this blessed lockdown.

I'm glad I've started the 'old grey matter' going. A lot of people especially the young think that a relationship is all about sex. Well it's not. You can have such a satisfying relationship/marriage just being so close in mind and spirit. Please let me know the outcome of your thought process?

STAY SAFE 

Richard 

Oops I hope this posts, I had a bit of an issue there:
@richard0804‍ This is very true. I'd almost argue that a relationship with relies more on emotions and less on the physical can be more rewarding and deeper. It's a true, deep connection.

@manuella26‍ I hope this has helped you a bit, there are other ways to be intimate with your husband than physical. 

I also have AS and the fatigue has clearly put a damper on any libido I had. I'd say I'm intimate with my husband maybe once a month and still I force myself because I don't feel like it at all even though at the same time I miss it...

I think my husband has a hard time with it but I do my best. I don't want to put my disease on anyone else so I grin and bear it. I understand how he feels because we're still young yet I have the libido of an octogenarian.