hi all

Hi Kev, Welcome to the group. I totally understand your comments regarding your highs/lows during a day. My advice is to talk,talk and talk some more. Never be ashamed to admit that you are struggling. Stay on this site as you will will be supported by those who have first hand experience. Accept the 2 steps forward , 3 steps back. 

Take time to notice the flowers instead of focusing on the weeds.

Look ahead instead of behind. Try not to be critical of yourself and over think things. 

Big hugs .

Its funny how simple things can spark off a major low. But like you said try and find the flowers. My partner is fantastic shes always there for me no matter. I will be totally honest here as I feel its right. Its not too long ago that every day I wanted to end my life. For the last few weeks ive not been to bad highs and lows, the thing I try to.do now is when I have something done/said that can spark it all off I look for a reason for why this has happened to me again so now I try to take a positive note out of any negative I receive in my day 

I totally understand you; even down to the ending my own life. Thank goodness I didn't but at the time I couldn't see any light or things even improving. How wrong was I ??

It hasn't been easy and I still do have dark,low days but it is part and parcel of my life which you have to acknowledge and act upon before it drags you too far down.

It really is so easy to focus on the negatives in daily life, but so hard sometimes to focus on the positives when in such a low mood.

I went outside my comfort zone and decided that I needed to open a new chapter in my life. I can't tell you how frightening that was, but it has opened doors for me and has been a real positive in my life. I work with young adults/adults who require support enabling them to get the most out of life. It is very humbling and makes my worries insignificant. It is so rewarding and something that I love doing.

It is a real blessing that you have such an amazing, supportive partner. 

Thankfully,  having personal experience ,I understand how horrible and soul destroying depression is; it can creep up on you from nowhere. It enables me to tell my new partner when he is struggling mentally that he will be ok and what he is feeling is "normal" in the world of illness.

Knowing that you aren't weird or beyond help is a real stabilizer.

I wish you all the very best Kev. I am sure that all will be good in your life as you have the right attitude to life.

Keep posting.

Big hugs. 

She's amazing and understands my highs and lows. If it wasn't for her I don't think I would be here now. I find it very hard to be social. Our family with come around and all I want to do is hide away I a dark room, we now have code words that I can use if I need time alone when everyone is around.

People just don't realize how hard this can be on you and your partner. Now were able to talk and try to find what sparked my low off.  Suffering with CFS as well is a real pain as I can be on a low because I'm tired which most of the time I wake up feeling tired now adays. Everyday life throws me a cruve ball as I call it. Talking is the answer to most problems don't bottle them feelings up 

Good morning Kev. 

My new partner who has Chronic Myeloid Leukemia actually tells me how he "wouldn't be here if he didn't have me as I am all that he has helping him to be strong".

He does have family but they don't have the patience nor do they understand that he has not "just' the CML  but he suffers from depression due to his personal family issues. He was self medicating on alcohol; resulting in a drink/driving ban when he was on such a low that he just "gave up" on life. 

Thankfully, he is accepting /embracing the help now but it isn't easy. Despite being diagnosed with anxiety depression I sometimes have to constantly reassure him that it is fine to feel rubbish and life will get better "in time" and to remember how frightening, hard and  dark I found it.

Thank goodness, I never turned to alcohol as I did know that that would make my problems seem even darker the next day. 

I am so pleased that you have a very supportive partner ,as now being on the other side of the tunnel[ for the majority of the time] I know how hard/frustrating it can be watching someone you love very much basically self destructing before your very eyes.

What a great idea to have a code word .

It can be so hard when you are feeling uncomfortable in a large group and want to get away but you don't want to feel rude by leaving. It is such a testament of the love and respect that you both have towards each other.

It proves that life can be  good once you are willing/comfortable to really open up and delve deep in to your inner self to try and discover that is lying beneath the surface. You can then really start to heal.

Due to my partner's CML , it is sometimes hard to gauge whether it is his CML or his depression  making him so tired [he was in a cell under observation prior to his hearing and then hospitalized after his court hearing as the were so worried about his mental state; it was a pity that the magistrates had already decided on his punishment when he had to re appear for sentencing despite his personal circumstances being pointed out even on the day by the appointed court psychiatric nurse.!!

They wanted to imprison him so suspended his sentence, fined him and banned him for 3 years. Even the nursing staff/consultant on his return to the hospital straight from court were stunned. Talk about kick a man down when he already has nothing to live for in his eyes??

Break down of his marriage/ not seeing his children thanks to his wife, no job after being made redundant , his chemo drugs stopping working after 12 months,a terminal illness .

How much can one person take? 

My partner is only now really opening up , something that he has felt unable to do as "real men are strong". To me , a strong man is willing to admit that they are struggling and need help; whether it be within a relationship or via the medical team/relationships

Mental Health does need to be promoted .

It is too easy to judge other people  but unless you have walked in their shoes [impossible] you really have no idea what a horrible, dark, frightening place it can be. We, here on this group can only go on what we experience ourselves; thus having an understanding but never having the same actual emotions.

Kev, if you were here , I would give you and your partner a big hug as your posts do prove that there is light at the end of the tunnel once you fully accept and embrace that you are ill. It is work in process that is ongoing.

What you are both doing as a couple is amazing and I truly believe that in time you will feel the peace within that you deserve.

Keep posting and have a fab, fun filled day.x

Good morning. People do jugde you by what they see and don't look. I feel for your partner that was just so wrong what they did to him. We find it very hard to work out what's going on with me as when my CFS kicks in it can't bring me right down then the depression starts on top of it some sometimes tho it works the other way around. I have a very stressful job and a very nasty ex wife that uses my kids to beat me with like a big stick. Normally she's after more money every month which then puts me on a downer as I know why I'm not seeing my kids. Everyday life gives throws me a curve ball to deal with and everyday I try my hardest to fight my demons I have. Its slow but everyday I feel like I'm winning a little bit of the battle. Talking and having the support is the key. 

Have a great day and keep smiling no matter what comes your way

I understand how hard it is not having your children in your life. I am so lucky that I have mine , but it makes me so angry on their behalf that he chooses to ignore them and doesn't try to re establish what he has lost . He is still in his "Walter Mitty' world. 

Yes, it was hard for my new partner to have to endure more punishment for his actions [d/driving] but due to his terminal illness, loss of job , not seeing his children, phone calls being ignored ;his circumstances should have been taken in to consideration. 

You do sound focused so stick with that great attitude that you show. 

Life can be so harsh can't it ?. It  can also be so wonderful if we take the time out to look at things in its entirety .

I totally agree with your comment; talking and support will get you through in the end ,especially if you embrace it 100%

Have a wonderful Friday Kev and everyone reading this post.

XX

Well Hello everyone & pleased to make your freindship

iv suffered with Depression for 19 years but just recently the lows are now out weighing the highs very frequently,its a very dark & lonely world when the lows hit & for people who dont understand the illness is very hard to describe

Hope to meet some nice like minded people on here :)

B 

Hi B. 

Welcome to the group. how are things going for you today? Well, I hope?

Stick with it as you will know that in time the highs will overcome the lows.

I totally agree with your statement regarding how the lows can take you to a very dark, lonely place and despite that fact that you may be surrounded by people who you love but you still can feel so lonely.

It is hard for others to understand depression, that is the great thing about joining this group; we all understand due to personal experience.

Keep posting. xxx

Good morning. Welcome to the group B. Im trying to be focused all.the time now. The mind is a very powerful tool and its easy for us to slip into a low. I try now to focus on the positive things rather than the negative ones. My oldest son lives with us now as his mom decided to kick him out 1130 one night. Yesterday was a testing day for me. Long story cut short. My lad had the dentist so we booked the day off. After the dentish he received a call from his mom asking how it had gone? All three of us was shocked as no one had told her it turns out that shes able to check his txt messages and who hes called and so on this put me in a right state I hit rock bottom in seconds, all I wanted to do was to hide away in a room. But I didnt I found the postive out of it and that was first take control think what I needed to do to sort the problem out which I did. Today im expecting the backlash of it but im ready for it.. I dont know how I will hangle it but what every happens I will try my best to take the postive out of it 

Have a great day people 

Kev