Helpful Literature

Hi , I have just started reading a book called " Detoxification and Healing " - The Key to Optimal Health , By Sidney MacDonald Baker , M.D. ... This book was recommended to me by a friend . So far I have found it very interesting and informative . I am very interested in good health and looking after my body , most probably to compensate for the harm I have done to myself in the past . I enjoy reading things that are factual and logical . I believe positive thinking is the most powerful tool to conquer depression that we are all psychologically capable of . I will be looking out for the Author you have mentioned . Thank you very much for the tip and my sincere best wishes to you .

Hi Daren. I will definitely be looking out for this. Ashamed to say it but I self medicate with alcohol and have done since the age of around 14/15 (now 48). I lost my closest sister when she died of liver failure 18 yrs ago (she was 35). I encouraged my disabled sister (road accident) to go into rehab twice last year and she's been alcohol free for around a year now, even though she's still desperately unhappy with her lot. I've had lots of traumatic events in my life and find it so hard to cope . . . Positive thinking works for me too, for a while, but I always seem to fall back.

Thank you for the recommendation :) x

Hi , I really feel for you @Skinnywitch . I am sorry for your loss and the hard time you have had . I would say I certainly was an alcoholic before I self medicated with Amphetamines many years ago , but since going to rehab ( which my family paid for ) in 2002 I have since had no compulsion to change my reality . I really went off the rails when I discovered that the mother of my two daughters had been a secret heroin addict throughout our entire relationship and all through the pregnancies . I was absolutely destroyed , not only had I lost the woman I thought I loved who I thought loved me , but I lost my little family . I immediately filed for custody and after proving my ability to look after my daughters at a mother and baby unit , I eventually was granted full custody in 1993 when they were both 2 and 4 ... I managed to present myself well enough to the high court to get my girls , but I was very deeply disturbed by the trauma their mother had put me through ... I began taking " uppers " to stop the endless crying that had gone on for months ... I justified what I had done in my own mind by telling myself it was a less heartless option than suicide . I deeply regret the years I lost with my mind detached , but I am thankful that I was strong enough to bring up my daughters who I adore . The biggest positive that came from all I went through are my daughters , neither smoke or use drugs , they both work hard and I am so very proud of them ... I know I don't have to worry about them because they will always be safe as they have learned by my mistakes and have seen the pain I have gone through to break free and become the person I have always wanted to be . I now have some of the best friends that anyone could wish for and I am truly happy with myself and very thankful for all that I have . You are very welcome . If I can help you in any way just ask . Alcohol is a very hard thing to beat , but I am living proof that it can be done . I put all of my energy into my home gym room , looking after myself is now my addiction . It makes me feel good :-) Have a lovely evening x   

Hi again :)

I'm so sorry to hear your story. To have come through it as you have is a real inspiration to me and no doubt many others. Your daughters must be as proud of you as you are of them.

Like you I have two beautiful children. 21 yr old boy/girl twins. They are morally sound and both work hard at whatever they do. I love them to bits. Unfortunately they are both smokers like myself. I'm always trying to encourage them to stop and not 'end up like me' but I realise that if I don't set an example they probably won't take me seriously :/ I have quit before. Last time for almost 6 months but I ended up with serious depression. I didn't understand why as I really wasn't interested in smoking but a friend suggested that it may have been because I had stopped. I then discovered that quitting can lead to depression, especially if you are female or anyone in your family has a history . . My doctors and nurse advised me to take anti-depressants. I gave them a try a couple of times but couldn't live with the side-effects. That was 5 years ago . . God knows how much it has cost me since and it has obviously been a big contributor to the size of the debt we're in (husband is also a smoker). Don't know where to go with this one though as I really couldn't handle that kind of depression again.

I'm so pleased you managed to get off the uppers. Years back when I met the kids' Dad, he was an amphetamine addict. (I wasn't aware at first). I encouraged him to stop and he was off it for a few years. After we were married I had two ectopic pregnancies (one being a very near death experience). I then had IVF and was lucky enough to be blessed with the twins.  Life was very difficult when they were small. My husband became distant and my sister, who's son is almost a year older than my two, was going through a terrible time with alcohol. I often looked after her son and well as my own two. My marriage fell apart before the kids were 2yrs old and the ex went back to the amphetamine. We've always remained friends but I believe he is still a user. The kids are aware of this and neither are drug users. I don't believe they ever will be and am so thankful for this. They do however both suffer from depression from time to time, like myself, and have both had counselling in the past.  I hate the fact that this is probably something they have inherited from me but I do at least understand them and help as best I can. It was a different story for me. Having older 'old school' parents who thought you should 'just get on with it' was pretty tough going at times. My Dad proved how wrong that attitude can be when he gassed himself in his car.  I found him dead 4 days before xmas (I was 35, he was 75). That led my older lovely brother into a deep depression which he never came out of. 3 yrs after my Dad's death he stopped taking medication abruptly against our doctor's advice. His heart stopped and by the time I found him it was too late. I couldn't revive him :'( Even though I'm sure he's still with me I miss him like crazy.

I've only fairly recently learned about co-dependency. Most of my life I have been trying to make other people happy. I've been seriously unhappy myself if I can't make them happy. I am starting to understand that my happiness should not depend on other peoples' happiness. Their paths are not mine. It's not easy but I need to love myself first! Exercise is very appealing to me but I am of low weight and very low energy (no appetite, probably due to smoking/alcohol). I just don't really know how to turn this around . . . Sometimes, like last week, I don't drink at all and start to pick myself up a bit. Then the weekend comes around, along with friends/family that are also drinkers and it all goes 'tits up' Lol BUT today I will not drink and tomorrow will turn into today and I will try again . .

I also have ptsd due to a recent-ish event that totally floored me. My now husband, who I am still very close to, is not quite the person I though he was. Others think I should 'just get over it' and I do mostly agree but the ptsd doesn't allow me to and really does come out of nowhere to mess me up time and time again. When I feel ok I'm always quietly dreading the return of those bad feelings and hoping that they won't return. Up to now they do though . .  I've been on a list for counselling for months now and can't afford to go private. My Mum did pay for me to go a few times but I didn't feel comfortable with her picking up the tab. It did seem to help for a while though.

Thank you for listening. It really does help to get it down in words. It stops it all taking up so much room in my head. x

Hi @Skinnywitch , I have just read your story and I must say you must be much stronger than you think , you having gone through such dreadful and tragic events . I hope you are very proud of yourself for raising your children . I had a lot of help from my family especially when I was at my lowest . It is a shame that you can't handle antidepressants because they really put you in the plus zone and make you feel a lot stronger and more positive . There are so many different ones that I would be surprised if there wasn't something you could get on with . What ones have you tried? . I am also on the waiting list for some more one to one counselling ( I referred myself through the " therapy for you " service ) . I am also seeing a psychotherapist every three months . after my counselling has ended I am also booked up for Art psychotherapy which I thought I would enjoy . I like going to Boxing Events though I have done a bit of training I don't box myself , that's something I really wish I had done when I was younger . One of my very best pals ( Georgie Smith) is an Ex-pro boxer , I am booked up for an evening at the Grays Civic Hall on the 8th of October , we have a VIP table for a presentation by Nigel Benn , I am really looking forward to that , on 12th of September I am going to another Boxing evening at the Paddocks on Canvey Island , where I live . I like to plan things so I always have something to look forward to ... If you do this you will find it really helps you . Alcohol is a hard one to beat but it can be done ... You must be very determined and make sure you always plan the following day and do things or go to places that do not involve alcohol . Alcohol just gives you an artificial high , an illusion that everything is good , until it wears off and then you feel worse than you did before . Being determined and planning ahead and sticking to it is the key to success . Just like you , I have been to hell and back , but I feel stronger because of it . Please keep chatting on here and I will do my up most to help you . 

Have a nice evening ,

                              Daren x

I have also had private treatment at Priory Hospital in Chelmsford , but I could not keep up with the expense . There a great number of things available on the NHS , but some areas are better than others , try to do as many things as you can that can cause you no harm , that could be of benefit . It doesn't really matter whether it's CBT , Stress and mood management or Art psychotherapy etc . , any agenda will give you something to look forward to and make you feel better about yourself and more positive , because you will be at war with your depression rather than rolling over and letting it beat you . I have just quite smoking again after relapsing for two weeks ( I had just quit for 3 months before that ) , today is day one , but I am feeling very determined , I just have an increased appetite at the moment , but I can't eat much because I have gallstones and am on the waiting list to have it removed . I try to eat very little , because food makes it flare up and causes sickness . I get on very well with my antidepressants . I take just 15mg of Mirtazapine , 20mg of Fluoxetine , 10mg of Promethazine and 600mg of Pregabalin daily ... I should rattle when I walk lol , but suprisingly I get no side effects at all . Have you any plans for this evening ? I am just having a quite night in on my own . I am glad that coming on this site is helping you and I am always keen to listen and help in any way .

Daren x

Hi again @xDarenx

I did take fluoxetine for just over 3 months during my divorce. I lost a lot of weight - went down to 6st 4lb - which is not a good look when you're nearly 5'9" ! After giving them up and meeting my new partner I went to over 9st. Much healthier. I'm currently usually around 8 and a half stone which is the lower end of the healthy scale on the docs' chart. I'm very wary of taking any meds that can cause appetite/weight loss. A friend was recently taking sertraline for a few weeks and also lot weight. She's given up on them as she says she prefers to feel like a human. I kind of understand that as when I was taking fluoxetine I knew all my feelings were still in there but I couldn't express them or deal with it.

When I gave up smoking I tried citalopram but they gave me a terrible headache and nausea.  I also felt madder than ever and just couldn't sit it out until it settled down (as I'm told it will).  Also a loss of interest in sex which is not a problem I need with a partner who has a high sex drive.

I think I may go to the doctors again though and just see what they might suggest. Maybe like you a different kind would not give me the side effects.

I have recently been meaning to write a timetable which I must try and stick to.  I have far too much time on my hands. Too much time to think is not a good thing. I am not currently working but probably should be. I just don't think I could handle it at the moment. I did go to college last year and gain ITQ2 certificates which was great for my confidence but have yet to do anything with them . . .

Quiet alcohol free night in here I'm pleased to say. I have checked out the book you mentioned and will order it this evening.

Good luck with the no smoking. When I had cravings I just used to tell myself "there's nothing to think about here. It's just the addicition talking and there's not one good reason to listen".

Thanks again x

Hi @Skinnywitch , that sounds like a very good strategy . I am having cravings , but I am very determined to quit . It is fairly easy because I have really made up my mind . I had the same bad reaction to Citalipram as you and also Sertraline made me very sick .   Have you tried Mirtazapine ? or Clomipramine or Dosulepin ... these are all in a different family of tablets to citalipram , sertraline or fluoxetine ( which are all Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors SSRI's) I am quite sure that not one of the three I have mentioned are linked to weight loss .. Mirtazapine is tetracyclic and the other two are tricyclic , which are all very similar .. they work in a different way to SSRI's ... Generally I have always got on better on this family of tablets ... I only take a small amount of fluoxetine and at night with my other medication , so I get no noticeable side effects ... It would certainly worth discussing other options with your GP or Psychiatrist . There are dozens of others that I have found of benefit including Reboxetine which is in a class of its own (norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor ) , Nortriptylene or Amitriptylene , but Amitriptylene is very sedative and extremely dangerous on top of alcohol . If you could find an antidepressant which you could tolerate , you would have such a better chance of recovery . I am doing very well now and I am taking approximately a third of the medication that I was . I feel much more stable and positive . I choose to stay on antidepressants because I do not want anything to rock the boat as I am doing so well . I hope something I have said might be helpful to you and you are welcome  . Have a nice evening :-) 

Daren x 

Thanks @xDarenx   Doctors just seem to throw tablets at you without much discussion and I find that the internet can give you far too much information at times. This is really helpful and I will definitely be having more of a chat with the doc this time.

Hope you're having a good day

Hi , yes the internet is good , but it can be overwhelming . I have had almost all the antidepressants there are over the last 30 odd years , I have always had an interest in what antidepressants are and what they do . I have  always thought logically in the past , why would pharmaceutical companies invest so much money in something that simply does not work ? ... I thought , maybe some of them may have got it wrong , but not all of them . So I would not stop until I had tried every antidepressant on Earth . My conclusion is that tablets help but more than 75% of the answer is inside the individual , not inside a capsule . If someone is determined to fight back and not roll over for it , then they will eventually succeed .

Thank you , I have had a good day today , I worked until 3.30 then had a 2hr nap . I hope you have enjoyed your day too :-)

Daren x