The voices first started ten years ago they were coming from a cupboard below my kitchen sink. They were three voices two females, Claire, Clarybell and John as i later found out. They said they could also see me and they proved it to. They are able to read my thoughts and input their own thoughts into my head so to start with i would act out of character thinking i was going mad but it wad them planting shite in my brain. They are cruel evil psychotic people and i'm still convinced they are real people. They do cruel acts to me inputting pain in my body until i'm projectile vomiting usually their time to do this is the middle of the night. My flat has often resembles a brutal horror movie where i'm the starring role. Sometime they chat but mostley to wind me up i have'nt had any privacy in and out my head for nearly eleven years. So yes your right i have Schizophrenia and severe depression, i have no life now i've lost my confidence in myself and don't go out to pubs and clubs anymore because they change features on my face so i dont look like me im so ugly and fat they pile weight on my body all the time. I cant work and only go out to go shopping with my support worker but visit a friend who lives close by. My meds have been put up but they are no help, im on my own a lot and was an alcholic for eight years but not drank for three anything to be on another planet.im really crying most days breaking my heart i cant do this for another ten years will they never go away. They are at me constantly i cant think so im saving my meds up till i have enough to go to sleep for good. I dont wang to die but im in a living evil cruel vile world and its my life. I have not been with a man for over ten years because they see everything so i cant start an intimate relationship with anyone im so lonely. But today they are quiet and leaving me alone so maybe that might last till tommorrow.
Hello @shellybell42 I am really sorry about what you are going through... I don't know much baout schizophrenia so I don't know if it can be cured or no, but it doesn't sound pretty. But I don't think that suicide is the answer. I can relate to you when you say that you cry most days, me too, but I try to steel have a bit tiny bit of hope that things might change.
All this just to say that you are not alone and that you can talk to me if you need it... Cheers
Thank you aria88 it's just one nightmare after another and i'm also fighting depression which has gotten worse so my meds have been put up so far they have not helped. I'm trying to be positive but when things are contiually happening it can be hard. I've already committed sucide twice and i'm starting to have a change of heart about doing it again because i really dont want to die young but sometime my life is so unimaginable horrific it comes as a solice to me and i feel a bit better when i'm planning it Thanks for taking the time to say something to me xx
Hi Ian don't worry I've not done myself in. I'm switching broadband at the moment and it's hard to get on line but I'm feeling a wee bit better long may it lasts but I'm still crying at some point most days. These voices are so much more than that and I'm so sick of the pain they cause me but I'm being strong. Hope all is well with you Ian xx
I guess that's a bunch of highly relieved furrybabes .
The ' Scitzotypal ' part of the ' personality disorder ' I have , means I can understand how you feel . It's all so horribly ' personal ' isn't it . And it can't be shared .
I'm in a hotel room at the moment , trying to ' add comment ' , before a page cuts in , demanding I upgrade and buy breakfast .
Its funny how this hi tech stuff kind of - transcends - an overwhelming ' inner landscape ' , isn't it .
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