Feeling lost, lonely, depressed, anxious and useless

 Hi Damsel in distress, I am so sorry to read your post as you sound exactly the same as I felt following the break up of my 30 year marriage following my husbands adultery. He had been the one holding the purse strings/finances. I didn't even know who supplied our utilities. I had given up a professional career to raise our family. When the youngest had left Primary school , I went working part time. 

I can't even begin to tell you how I felt; i couldn't see anything ever getting better. I could only see me losing everything. Even if we had agreed to split the proceeds from the house etc, I wouldn't have been able to afford anywhere. I was also facing redundancy , my dad was diagnosed with COPD and my sister with cancer.

I can remember feeling totally overwhelmed and alone despite being surrounded at times by lots of people.

Previously, I struggled with my weight ;constantly grazing which made me feel worse. This time however ,my weight fell off me .I thought that I was coping but I wasn't which became apparent to me when I had thoughts of walking out in to traffic.

My life was full of negative thoughts. My finances or lack of were my biggest worry. Well meaning friends would suggest various job vacancies for me but would be astounded when I would refuse to apply. I wasn't well enough at that time but in time I did know when the time was right. It was hard and tiring being told what I should be doing by well meaning family/friends.

I was so frightened as I didn't know what type of job to go for.

With the help of medication along with a lot of self help ,I am in an amazing place now but it has been a long, hard path.

The thing that I was most afraid of losing the house is now mine legally. I am not thinking of selling it any time soon but I know that I will in future years. I have a new partner also.

My heart goes out to you as I can relate to your emotions; especially the over eating because after losing over 3 stone and feeling truly fantastic which boosted my confidence [in time].

You need to break your issues in to small goals to address. Placing the most important ones first.

Why don't you look for a new job that really appeals to you? 

What is it that prevents you from holding down a job?

I managed,  in time to step outside my comfort zone . It wasn't easy but I did it and it opened up other doors . I have just completed a weeks Induction today in to another chapter regarding stepping out of my comfort zone. The prospect is daunting but so exciting.

You need to work on your self esteem but more importantly your self belief. Learn to look at your positives instead of putting barriers in the way. Love yourself as I am sure that others love you.

Read over your post and you will realize that you are doing this .Barriers/negativity.

Concentrate on doing small tasks around your home. Look at it as a re invention of you. Out with the old and in with the new.

I set myself goals that I would like to do around the house. I haven't completed it all  but I have made steps + it is work in progress. Look at it as clearing out all the negativity in your head. If you are surrounded by a tidy, clean environment you will feel better within. It will release a new energy in to your life. Be ruthless as it does give you a feeling of control/empowerment

I agree with you regarding moving to your parents as you shouldn't do it because it is what you think that you should or expected of you; it should be a positive thought if it were to succeed. We all need 'our' place where we feel safe and secure .

On discovering what his son had done, my ex father announced that 'I should sell the house as I didn't need a big house as I couldn't afford it'. I was livid as I had not done anything wrong so why should I lose the home? Friends/family members told me to sell but it was/is where I felt safe. It also made me dig deep to find the strength to keep it and not let others dictate to me.

Adopt the little by little, day by day approach.

Go for walks ,starting with short ones and then increasing. Along with a healthy diet your weight will fall off. Plus walking will release the happy hormones.

Be gentle on yourself ;don't sit over analyzing things.

Ask and accept any help available. 

Re learn to love yourself as only then will you really start to move forward.

I am always here to chat if you are feeling overwhelmed/lonely. 

Big hugs.xx

Thank you SO very much.  I won't stop to write more now, if you don't mind, because I need to get away from the laptop and out into the sunshine to help my mood, but I just wanted to say a massive THANK YOU for your kind words and the effort you took to reply.

Bless you.  Hugs xxx

I do hope that you had a great time outside in the sunshine yesterday. It is pouring down here today !!

You can get through this challenging time in your life. Remind yourself of that fact on a daily basis.

Big hugs wrapped with love.

Julie 

Hiya Damsel in Distress; Sorry that I haven't been in touch but I  have had a tough time with my partner who suffers with a terminal illness and understandably depression.

He was informed on Monday from the hospital where his blood is sent as it specializes in various blood disorders that another cancer had been detected and he would need more bloods to be taken. To say that we were all stunned and so devastated is an understatement.

For 3 days ,he was really suffering, thinking that he would be facing death sooner than he had imagined as the CML was being suppressed by his medication and so this was a real smack in the face.

On the 3 rd day instead of receiving the awaited letter from the hospital, he received a phone call apologizing as an error had been made and  it was another man with the same christian name and the same middle name initial but it was different middle names !!

Due to his depression , for some reason the relief that we all think that we would feel didn't hit him ,which was probably due to shock. He was sad for the man that was facing his diagnosis and angry that he had been subjected to not only the news but in the manner in which it was delivered ;over the phone.

My mum has just had bone marrow taken prior to her starting her chemo therapy.

How are you today?

If there is anything that you wish to chat about ; even it is about your day then feel free as I will reply sooner rather than later this time.

Big hugs xx