Alone

Hey there. Firstly - you're still here and that there is amazing in itself after what you have been through. Secondly - have you been to the authorities with evidence of these people hassling you? I guess if you are struggling to get out anywhere that could be really difficult to sort out though, it does take a lot of energy. Also I know what you mean about paranoia - having a bad time of it myself with that, I just have to try to stop talking myself into believing everyone is trying to harm me in some way. It gets worse if I don't force myself to actually be with people - and not in the house either it has to be somewhere else as I can't just give in to the temptation to make them all leave if it's a neutral location. I don't know that I have any solutions to it just that I know what you mean x

Sorry you've been put in such a horrible situation. You say the man's fiance is messaging your boyfriend, perhaps this could be used as evidence? Or you could consider a restraining order against him if it will set your mind at ease. I'm sure getting help at this stage seems like such a mammoth task but hopefully you could get the support of your boyfriend and family. 

I feel like you need to get away from it all. You probably don't feel like it but perhaps a trip away somewhere with your boyfriend would give you some head space. Somewhere safe and relaxing. 

The paranoia and feeling alone are the most horrible parts of depression. I find when I have too much free time and have nothing to occupy my mind these become unbearable. I overthink everything and can find a thousand things to be anxious about. I can't imagine how much trouble these feelings must be for you when your situation has left you house bound. And the loneliness hurts like nothing else. It's a catch 22 - your depression traps you from interacting with others at a time when you need support more than ever. If you ever want to chat and unload then you are more than welcome to message me any time. 

@Heidi1234 I am so sorry to hear about this awful experience that no one should have to go through. As the others say I think you can try to get a restraining order or something that gives you some peace of mind and feel more protected. It is crazy how the law works and that they won't put behind the bars sex offenders. 

I will advice you also to seek help on http://rapecrisis.org.uk/, they have people that can help you to go to court again or get more help and also provide you with counseling or sth that can help you more.

If you need anything we are all here. Don't hesitate in writing and asking what ever you need.

All the best,

Gilda 

Hi @Heidi1234 yes I can relate totally to this. I feel so angry for the situation I went through. I think these are the generic responses to sexual abuse/rape -but seems that doctors etc aren't that well trained in it. I feel like i self sabotage and push people away. Ive also been using alcohol to cope maybe because I dont like to feel. Its hard overcoming all the feelings. And especially the anger. I try to say to myself 'youve been through so much give yourself a break!" but I'm so hard on myself. 

I was sexually abused as a child by someone who was close to me. I feel angry and feelings of self hate quite a lot. what hurts the most is that that person probably doesnt even give a sh*t. Must win by being super happy and successful in life - but this is harder than one would know because so much to get over. Are you getting therapy or support there? i have pushed alot of people away too - but hurts those people dont recognise whats going on. Hope you're ok today and DM me if you want to chat. 

Hold your head high -at least you tried to get him convicted thats a very brave thing to do! And your right not many cases get through - so hold on to that. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Block that girlfriend.