Losing hope

Hi,

I am 29 and have been struggling with depression since 14. My parents don't understand my depression and don't deal with it very well. I tried counselling but always felt worse after the appointment.

Less than a year ago things got really bad so my GP referred me to the local mental health crisis team at the hospital and they have given me so much support the last 9 months. I have been given a care coordinator who I visit once a week to talk and put plans in place. She has been fab and is very non judgmental. I struggle talking to my GP and parents but when I visit the hospital I can talk about anything and not have to worry as they understand mental illness very well unlike a lot of gps

If you are relapsing and self harming you need more support not just pills. Maybe discuss with your GP and tell them you need more help and hopefully they can refer you. 

Hi student1615 and welcome. You have done a great thing by joining this group. I was offered counselling on being diagnosed with anxiety depression . I have never been in such a dark, lonely, frightening place in my life and never ever wish to return . The turning point for me was despite telling friends/family that I was coping ;I wasn't. It was up on having suicidal thoughts that I went to the GP who were and continue to be amazing. Like you ,I didn't want to talk to a stranger only when I had an appointment. I had/have a great support network but I didn't want to burden them plus I didn't have the energy/inclination to talk. I am a firm believer that yes, counselling can be brilliant and they may have all the qualifications going but the 'best' ones to support etc are those who have first hand experience; this group.

The cause of our illness may differ but the emotions/thoughts/mindset etc are the same.

This group also doesn't have a cut off point; it is always here. 

You can open up as much as you feel comfortable with ; no one knows you and no one judges. Why? ,because we have all been there or may be going through it.

I am with a  man who is on that path right now; not only did he have to come to terms with his 'soulmate' committing adultery whilst he was suffering with depression but he then went on to lose his wife, home, children and his health as he was diagnosed with  terminal illness. He was self medicating on alcohol as he couldn't open up nor did he have anyone with whom he felt confident to talk too openly. Following a hospital discharge [ breakdown] counselling was offered to him but the waiting list was at least 16 weeks.

He has had to learn to 'talk honestly and openly'. He is of the upbringing that 'real men don't cry/talk they get on with it' Thank God , he is on the right side although he struggles still regarding the issues mentioned but he talks/cries etc. He does tell me that it is because I understand as I have been in those shoes; yes it is hard for me sometimes to understand but when I look back, I soon remember to listen  and be patient.

I am always here to walk with you on your path . Please feel free to chat.

Gentle hugs , wrapped with love.

Julie 

Hi student1615, I have struggled with depression, anxiety and self harming, since childhood, I first self harmed at just 11 years of age, I was considered drug dependent at 11 too, although I was referred to the drug and alcohol project when just 8 years of age, although couldn't access counselling fully, as the drug and alcohol project didn't have a young person's service back then, and Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service refused to see me until I dealt with my drug and alcohol issues, what a vicious circle, I was labelled by the Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service's team, as a naughty child.

The reason the drug and alcohol project didn't have a young person's service was because I was the first young person in the area to ever need their services and help, so I was accessing adult drug and alcohol service's treatment, with a counsellor who was brilliant, one of the best I ever had, he taught me a lot, something he explained about confidentiality was that everything I tell him is confidential, unless it's something that he considers a danger to me or anybody else, for example sexual or physical abuse, if I told him I'd been drinking, or smoking weed, it was kept confidential, usually confidentiality is only breached in exceptional circumstances, and you are usually told by your counsellor that they have to do so, before they do so, finally when I was 14 they formed a young person's service and I was invited to talk with my new dedicated trained young person's counsellor, she was rubbish to be honest, I wanted to go back to my old counsellor (adult counsellor), he was far more understanding, and taught me other ways to cope instead of self harm, and drugs and drinking, and how to cope better with my family life without me needing to disclose too much info before I turned 16, 16 was school leaving age then and I was considered an adult at 16, so no more confidentiality issues like there are now, with school leaving age having been increased.

The second I turned 16 I told my counsellor about the worst of my sexual abuse, I cried my eyes out, he cried with me, comforting me, and hugging me, offering me tissues, but just ended up with a soggy shoulder as I cried on his shoulder, it felt so good and such a relief to finally get it out, and not be carrying it alone, although that was not the end, and he left, I finished counselling without finishing expressing everything within me, but what I had expressed did help a lot, so I guess what I'm trying to say by telling you this is that counselling is great, and that you're so right to consider giving it another shot 

I've been back in counselling for about 4 years with my current counsellor, and he is the best ever, I can talk to him, about anything, I trust him implicitly and won't ever tell anyone anything I tell him without me asking him to do so, or unless he believe I or someone else are in immediate danger, so it really is worth it, to feel better, I trust my counsellor with my life and recently disclosed further sexual abuse, that took place when I was a child, perpetrated by my own dad.

I hope at least something I've said here helps you to make a decision to go and get the counselling and help you need 

*Gentle hugs, wrapped with Love*

Stumpy. x x x 

Hi Kirstyt, you say you're parents don't understand your depression and don't deal with it very well, nor do mine, I don't think many parents do understand, you also said that you tried counselling, but always felt worse after the appointment, from this, I'd suggest you haven't found the right counsellor, try another, you need to find one you feel comfortable and gel with.

Your local mental health crisis team at the hospital sound fabulous, unfortunately that isn't the same in all places, my local crisis team are useless, and patronising, and don't offer any support, I have never been given a care coordinator, or not that I'm aware of, I don't believe any such thing exists in my area. I find my counsellor is the best, and is also very non judgmental, as is my GP very understanding, however other GP's in the practice are not, so if you're GP doesn't understand, I'd suggest changing to another GP who is understanding, I agree that it's better to talk to professionals than your parents, but visiting the hospital is something in general not approved of in my area, it's frowned upon, I can talk about anything with my counsellor in the same way you can the crisis team, and not have to worry, as he too understands mental illness very well, so what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another, but I always suggest people try different ways of to receive the support they need 

You are right if student1615 is relapsing and self harming then they do need more support, not just pills, I also second the idea of discussing it with their GP, and for them to tell them they need more help.

*Hugs, wrapped gently with Love*

Stumpy. x x x

Thanks everyone for all your lovely words and advice They've really helped me even coming to terms with it all and actually talking honestly to someone else about my mental health which I haven't done in a long time.

I definitely will consider going to a counsellor again soon now that I'm 19 and you all recommend it highly. It seems to be the best as idea as I agree that I probably need more than just the medication I'm on at the moment.

I feel in a similar situation to you stumpy that once you turned 16 you finally got it all out and opened up to your counsellor which I hope I'll feel comfortable to do as well. Thanks for opening up about your battle with drugs and depression too.

My GP unfortunately doesn't have much of a grip on mental health I think or maybe just isn't right for me but he does try his best and is friendly and I think I'd find it difficult to move GP's so I might just try going to a new counsellor and hope I can talk openly and honestly with them about everything so I feel less alone. 

Thank you all for your kind words, I was thinking twice about joining this forum as I've never done anything like this before and I'm so glad I have. Even talking anonymously to strangers is better than talking to no one at all, it's the first time I haven't felt judged by anyone and as you say Julie there is no cut off point and I don't feel pressured into talking about anything I don't feel comfortable with  

Cara 

You're welcome Cara, this forum and others I use are very friendly, and I've never been judged, they are such wonderful places, at first before posting my entire life story I was a little less anonymous, but for my safety, as I haven't yet made the full report about my dad and because he can be violent, it's better for me to remain more anonymous 

If you feel in a similar situation, and do ever wanna talk, my private message box is always open 

I'm so glad you're considering going back for counselling as it's helped so much in my life, and as I have often said to others if it's not working or you feel worse, you haven't found the right counsellor, look for another, never be afraid to tell them sorry but this is not working I'd like to find someone else, counsellors tend to appreciate honesty 

You will have a bright future ahead of you 

*Hugs and I hope getting some more of you're feelings out truly does help you*

Stumpy. X 

Good morning ladies. Cara , you are right to look at more options . Alongside my medication , a lot of self help, delving deep within to bring positives into something that has caused so much hurt/ pain is required. You will get to a better place, it just takes time + effort. Does your GP practice not have GP's who also specialize in certain fields? It may be worth asking? Keep chatting on here. You will never be alone. Have a good day ladies. Love + gentle hugs xx Julie xx