Depression and suicidal thoughts

@ahhhwelltherewego Hello ahhhwelltherewego, I'm very sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I hope you'll be willing to reach out to other members of the community who are also struggling with depression in this time. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you and to share with can be enough to help you get through another day. You can find other members who have been through similar situations using the Search for Friends function under the Share headers: https://member.carenity.co.uk/my-friends/search

Don't hesitate to get in contact with the Samaritans as well. They're available to talk 24/7, 365 days a year and you can call them from anywhere in the UK or Ireland for free. Again, having someone to just listen can sometimes be a great help.
Samaritans
Phone: 116 123
Email: jo@samaritans.org

We're all here for you on Carenity.

Take care,
Courtney

The last people I would ever phone is samaritans.

COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME!

@ahhhwelltherewego That's a shame you feel that way, they've been a real help to me in my times of need. Would you be willing to talk with us on here then?

I was bullied by a violent bully in yr 6 at school, I chose to stay back a yr. That was helpful. I did end up getting bullied by 4 bullies every day from yr 7-11 and they made my life hell, so I was suicidal at secondary school. I never acted on it thankfully. I only got 3 counselling sessions, 6 cbt sessions and that didn't help that much, it wasn't enough and I didn't get info to help me at home. I had a referall for more counselling but the counsellor refused to give me counselling as I wasn't suicidal then, my depression has been bad for yrs, but they thought I didn't need it when I did need it. Now it is so hard to talk about my problems with someone that I get so emotional as I have had to bury my feelings as I didn't get the sessions I needed. So it's now so painful to talk about it as I have had to try and forget things to cope with it. That's the only way that I could cope with it without the help that I needed. I'm not suicidal, but when people have pushed me past my limit and attacked me when I have been feeling low, I have wished that I have never been born, as that would be simpler than having to deal with this all my life, my parents have taken their anger out on me all my life, my mum has bi polar disorder, my dad had two nervous breakdowns and has a temper, has never learned to deal with stress or control his temper, he is also a recovering alcoholic as well. He would take his anger out on me all the time my whole life, he never did that to my sister as she is the favourite. He became an alcoholic when I was a kid, he stopped going to AA, he only went a couple of times. He has never tried to work on himself, I have been working on myself my whole life. He did stop drinking though which I'm so thankful for, it's a miracle he didn't die as he kept drink driving, he had a crash and was fine, he didn't get hurt thankfully. I had to find all his alcohol which he hid all around the house. I found it all. Mum and I would do checks to see if he had any hidden. We would pour it away. He has never forgiven me as I was so good at finding them, even in the difficult to get to places in our house or sheds. Even though he doesn't drink any more he's still angry about it as mum gave me the job of finding the bottles. He is very controlling in our house, It's almost impossible to please my parents. When i do my cleaning and decluttering tasks I have to tell them or they only notice what I haven't completed yet. Even though I'm always cleaning, tidying as soon as I get back form work.