Partner with PTSD

My advice would be to let him open up as and when he feels ready. My new partner has a terminal illness, he is going through a divorce [before me] he hasn't seen his children thanks to his estranged wife whom he is divorcing due to adultery. He was self medicating on alcohol, so much so that he was arrested for drink driving when he couldn't face life anymore. He has been in hospital due to severe depression.

I understand how frustrating it is when they don't open up as my partner was exactly the same . When we started seeing each other , he would go back to his home in another county and wouldn't answer the phone to anyone. I didn't drive and had the same thoughts that you have. Is it worth it, Is he messing me around etc.

Thankfully, I didn't give up and once he realized that I wasn't going to finish with him he started opening up, telling me things that he has never spoken about before.

Men do find it hard to open up as "real men don't cry'

My partner would send me messages just saying "Still love you"

He was so insecure with a very low self esteem. 

He has made real progress and now feels able to tell me if he is feeling low/upset.

He still has a long way to go but like me he will never feel as low/worthless as I once did. I was diagnosed with anxiety depression following my now ex husband of 30 years committing adultery.

Just tell him how you are there for him and all you want is him to consider your feelings and how you also need reassurance. If he is anything like my partner, he won't realize how uncertain he is making you feel.

I wish you well and hope that things work out for you both.

Julie x

Thank you so much Julie! 

I know the 'real men don't cry' as well as 'don't have emotions' and don't talk. It's all very familiar indeed, I just need to get used to him not being as open as me, but then I am a very chatty person, I feel as though it's the only way I can show that I care when I'm not there.

He has the same problem with his children, which I think is putting more pressure on him than he lets on, so of course that is something else for him to worry about as well as trying to sort himself out every day.

I have been saying that I am there for him and not going anywhere, and that if he wants to talk then I will listen, and that it's quite ok to just sit and say nothing. I just hope he knows that I mean it.

Maybe I should just tell him next time I see him that it is making me unsure of his feelings, not his fault, but then he always says love you, just doesn't talk much or have his phone surgically attached as I do! That is something I need to work on myself(I use it for work so it is always flipping on), as well as being more sure of myself of course.

Thank you again Julie, you have given me some hope that if it is meant to work out it will 

Michelle x

Your boyfriend sounds a lot like my partner and you sound like me. I am a back to my old self [after divorce] in that I am a people person .I found it hard at the start when he would go quiet and not respond to my messages/calls. 

All you can do is to reassure him. Having been on both sides of the depression issues I can see both sides. He probably doesn't even understand how it unsettles you, although him constantly telling you that he loves you maybe his way of not wanting to lose you ?insecurities and him expecting you to leave him. It is his way of reassuring you not to give up on him. If he is anything like my partner, then he is in a horrible dark place. He can /will get better but it has to be done at his pace.

Just be there for him and gently remind him that you are there for him. Talking/listening will get him/you through.

Always here for you to chat Michelle.

I wish you both a loving, happy future.

Little by little, day by day.

Big hugs wrapped with love.

Julie