Loneliness

Hi there, I really feel for you. I am older than you and although I was married and raised 4 children then many years later had an unexpected child by my now partner, that was 6 years ago, I have suffered with depression for as long as I can remember. I had to give up work and was under a psychiatrist due to self harming and a nervous breakdown. Depression is unforgiving and can affect anyone. I also have joint hypermobility syndrome so am in physical pain most days. But I can cope with that, I cant cope very well with the emotional turmoil that cant be seen. When I go out the house no one would have a clue, well dressed, fairly attractive, sociable for short bursts and I smile a lot at people. Inside I am dying some days, I loathe myself. So I absolutely understand how you feel, suicidal thoughts are always tapping on my shoulder. Don't feel alone, stay on this forum, talk to like minded people, sometimes that is the best therapy because we DO know the awful feeling unlike the so called proffesionals. I would recommend you go back to GP and start a course of antidepressants. I take Duloxetine and it works fairly well most of the time. Be kind to yourself, you are important and how you feel really matters. I look forward to chatting again Jane. Try and stay strong my thoughts are with you..Melanie x

Hi Melanie. Thank you so much for replying to my post. That means a lot. Sorry to hear about your struggle with depression too and the physical problems you experience. I too have physical problems that I believe to be fibromyalgia but haven't been diagnosed yet. Basically, it makes all my muscles very tender and painful to touch and I feel constantly exhausted, not to mention that I work shifts which makes getting quality sleep difficult. I don't know about you but I think lack of sleep and feeling tired exacerbates the feelings of depression.

I am the same as you, in that, for the most part people wouldn't know that I'm depressed. I am a very friendly, chirpy person and am always smiling a lot. However, when you are feeling really down inside, putting on this constant facade can be completely exhausting in itself.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have sought help in the past and have tried numerous different medications that included: prozac, seroxat, sertraline, citalypram and maybe one other. Prozac made me feel better at first but by the second week I felt incredibly suicidal, seroxat made my anxiety worse and almost killed my brother who stopped breathing at the cinema one day, which was very scary, sertraline again made my anxiety a lot worse and citalypram gave me really bad palpitations to the point where I thought I might have a heart attack. None of the medications made me feel particularly better in terms of my mood apart from maybe numbing my emotions altogether which I just found really frustrating. So, I don't think I would ever go back to prescription drugs again. I am currently taking a herbal remedy called 5-HTP which I think is working OK most of the time.

Thank you again for responding to my post. I hope you have a good weekend. Take care! Janex

Hi Jane, I hope that you are having a good day. Depression really is in a league of its own. The good thing is that there is light at the end of what can seem like a very dark  tunnel. I am taking medication for anxiety depression. I have also been recently diagnosed with osteoporosis. I couldn't sleep at the beginning of my illness as my mind wouldn't stop over thinking what was going on and what my future would become [following a marriage break up after 30 yrs to a man who had been very controlling ] My GP addressed my lack of sleep firstly and then my anxiety depression. I too, had palpitations with Citalopram but I stuck with it and they stopped.

When on eventually telling people exactly what I had been going through which then  also included my dad being diagnosed with  a chronic lung/heart condition, my sister being diagnosed with Cancer and me facing redundancy [thus leading to my depression ]they were shocked as I too am a bubbly, chatty, out going person.

Along with my medication I was offered counselling but I had a wonderful network of friends and so I declined that offer. Talking helped me to get through along with me helping myself to start to loving myself. I started doing breathing exercises to calm myself down , I took time out to do something that i enjoyed pre depression. Simple little tasks that previously I would talk myself out of doing ,I did .

It wasn't easy and it wasn't a quick fix; nothing in life is easy but it was worth fighting for instead of feeling so low and worthless, which would wash over me in waves.'

My mantra now is "Little by little, day by day"

Life can be good and it is a case of recognizing the signs and acting on them before they swamp you.

Take Care.

Hi everyone, my name is Hazel, just wanted to say anyone can message me anytime :) 

Depression 3 rd time and alot of other crap going on

i suffer depression now and then/i left my home in new zealand to move to the uk to be closer to family and my partner/now six months  have passed and waiting to move/meanwhile my cat stays in a cattery and partner in dublin/i may be with family but this isnt my home and feeling so torn apart esp from my cat

Stephenjames, sorry lifes being so mean to you, if you need any ideas or what a rant or chat you know where i am :) , same goes for everyone :) 

Drop me a line :)