Anxiety peaks?

I tend to do most of my worrying at night! I think its because this is when you are not distracted by day to day life, and can let your mind niggle at your worries, like a tongue prodding a sore tooth!!

I try to practice mindfulness when I notice circles of thinking, but its not always successful. When my anxiety is very bad I may even self harm but I'm trying to manage that.

[The content of this message has been moderated due to various reports from other members of inappropriate content] 

Before i had my breakdown in march i used to have bad problems with sleep iam now on quetipine 300 mg per nihht it nocks me out im still struggling through the day but they have given me diazepam for that  would rathr have pregabalin though hope this helps quetiapine is a mood stabilizer so it does help to level the moods out best wishes...

My anxiety has peaks throughout the day. It would also be bad at night time if I didn't take Zopiclone - which I've been taking for 12 years now. Unfortunately this is only keeping me asleep for a few hours now, whereas I used to get a full nights sleep with it.

I am currently experiencing extreme anxiety as soon as I wake up but have been prescribed Diazepam just this week. I am taking 2mg as soon as I wake up which helps a little and have the option of taking 3 more doses in a day.

I have been treated for depression and anxiety/panic attacks with medication since 2001, but I very stupidly stopped taking the prescribed 40mg of Fluoxetine a few months back. It was just as my eldest daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer, in March of this year. We were in such shock and confusion and began to try and eliminate all toxins from our lives completely - foods, medicines and household cleaners etc. Added to this were other family stresses and situations that have left me distraught and in crisis.

I now realise that stopping the Fluoxetine was the most ridiculous thing to do - "insane" was my GP's description  - especially at a time when we as a family were undergoing such stress. My thinking was that I had felt reasonably ok for a number of months, with just the occasional bad anxiety symptoms, and I felt the need to be "in control" for my daughter and other family members during her treatment and beyond.

Unfortunately, stopping the medication has made me completely out of control of my own emotions and I feel such a waste of space and completely useless to my family when they need me most. I am blessed with the most understanding family and friends that anyone could wish for and with their help and support I will get better soon - they tell me this all the time, so it must be true.

To anyone who has prescribed medication - PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't ever stop taking your medication without your doctors advice. I tried to make myself believe that I was well and did not need the medication anymore. In fact I was only well BECAUSE OF the medication. This seems a simple enough concept to understand, but despite me thinking of myself as a reasonably intelligent person, I have managed to psychologically side track the issue and become ill again because of it.

Today is the first day that I have felt able to put into words quite how I feel - another thing to castigate myself for, seeing as I purport to be a writer. 

I hope this helps someone else who may be going through a similar experience. You are not unique and you are not alone. You WILL be better soon.

xx