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Not sure what to write. I have had depression on and off for years. Now aged 68. I have developed severe depression. Made worse by my physical state. I also have arthritis, osteoporosis and Parkinson's Disease. I certainly want sympathy only understanding. I try to be positive, and at least I am able to drive most days.

Hello @nipper ,

Thanks for your message.

I invite you to share your story in the discussions related to your conditions so that other members could get to know you. You can access your disucssion groups by clicking on "My groups", then on "See all my groups". You can comment on the existing discussions or create your own if you don't find the topic that interests you.

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Have a nice day!

Margarita

My original story had a mistake in it. I do not want  any sympathy, only understanding. My Son and his wife, think I am "attention seeking".

That I should "sort myself out." I live alone very near this son, yet very rarely will I be given any help or support.

The pain of Arthritis and Osteoporosis, combined with Parkinson's Disease, impacts on my depression. The emotional pain caused by my family issues also does so. I am uncertain whether my depression is caused largely, by these factors or a chemical imbalance.

I have visits every 3 weeks, from a Mental Health Nurse, and also see a Psychiatrist.

Today I was seen by the Psychiatrist, however I could not engage with her. I was too low. I felt frightened. I had been again rejected by my son, this time for Christmas Day. I was passed on to my M.H. nurse, who knows me well, and happened to be in the building. I felt well enough to drive home eventually.

I hate dwelling on the past, but it does impact on the person I am. My first husband slept with a woman, while away  with the RAF.I was pregnant. He contracted an STD and lied for a year. He told me a year later, while I was having tests for breast cancer. I fortunately did not contract it.

Husband number 2 was loyal and a good father, who unfortunately treated me like a "Mother" not a woman, once I had the children.

Husband 3 was a violent alcoholic. He died.

I then lived with a wonderful man for nearly 10 years. He nursed me when I was really ill, If I was hospitalised with damage to my vertebrae as often happened, he would visit once or even twice a day if I was low. When I was in severe pain, he moved into the spare room. He gradually became my carer rather than my partner. Eventually, my Daughter in Law decided that he should go.

I will always love that man. He is dying of lung Cancer now. I visit and have helped with form filling. I cannot do more.

Two of my sons have a severe learning disability. One also has severe behavioural problems and can be violent. Life, bringing up him was, without exaggeration a nightmare. Both are in "Supported Living"

I have had counselling and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Both were supported by excellent M.H.Workers.

When I am very low and having feelings of hopelessness and despair. I cannot seem to be able to implement these resources. Am I alone in this?

People on this site seem very friendly and I find I can relate to many of the topics.

Dear nipper . Let me assure you that you are not attention seeking and in my opinion your son and his wife should be ashamed of themselves .With all that you have been through 2 sons with problems and another who doesn't seem to understand and your health problems it is no wonder you suffer from depression . I can relate to not being able to relate to some people , I was supposed to have counselling this time last year because of my overwhelming feelings of guilt that I couldn't help my sister care for my mum who had Alzheimer's but the woman I saw was more interested in filling in forms and I came out feeling worse as she didn't listen so I didn't bother to go back .Pain is difficult to explain especially if you look reasonably healthy , this group is brilliant as most of the members can relate to you in one way or another so can understand what pain you are in .There is a discussion group about handling pain  it is worth checking out as it has some useful tips .I find that if I can find something to take my mind off things by writing , especially poetry or some other hobby . Mindfulness is also another useful tool , the web site future.learn run on line course on an introduction to Mindfulness periodically as well as all sorts of other subjects so again it might be worth looking at .As for Christmas day if your son won't have you see if there is any groups running Christmas dinners for.people on there own , they might even be able to pick you up so you don't have to worry about driving . Keep strong you have people here who will help you , keep in touch and don't be afraid of pouring your heart out 

Hi, I am not used to this kind of thing but my name is Sarah and I am suffering through severe depression. I can't seem to shake it. My mother passed away and I can't seem to get on with life. Every day is a constant struggle and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't function in normal day-to-day life with it. 

I am wondering if anyone has any tips because this is torture at this stage. She was my best friend.

Thank you, Sarah.

@JazzyC

Thank you so much for your wonderfully understanding post. I feel much better. As an update, my son came after work to fix my TV. I had pulled the aerial wire out. He noticed I was upset (Not allowed). He told me I should be more positive, that his Mother in law invited me every New Year, but that he did not tell me, because he did not want me to go. He would not enjoy it if I was. I called him a spoilt brat. He said I was a nasty vindictive old witch ( plus a lot of F's) and he would never be back. I have had enough. I just have to get on with my life alone.  I would not have put up with as much as I have if I had any more relatives.

I will look at the sites you suggested. I have tried meditation but not mindfulness.  My Mum had Alzheimer's. and it scares me when I forget something. I know, what will be will be. Someone recently said I was too intelligent and over analysed everything !!! Probably true. at least the over analysing.

It is nice to know it is allowed to pour my heart out. I find writing cathartic, always have. It just takes so long now to one finger type instead of touch typing.

Must keep my chin up. I usually can. Maybe too often. Thank you once again. Speak soon.

@nipper   I am so sorry to hear about your son , I just can't even begin to understand how he can treat you like that .In that respect I am so lucky as my husband and 2  kids are absolutely brilliant . However my middle sister didn't speak to my mum for. 7 years even when my dad was alive and  she visited him .My mum died in January and she crawled out the wood work and has done nothing but put obstacles in the way since .She accused my youngest sister who had cared for mum of all sorts until my son stepped in. I will never forgive her but ignore her as she just isn't worth it .It is a bit different when it's your son but honestly someone that selfish and self centred is not worth getting upset about .It must be hard , is there any support groups for arthritis , Parkinson's or run by Age Concern in your area you can join .If you enjoy writing what about writing workshops or something on that lines .Again Future Learn do a course on creative writing which is sponsored by the OU ,the future learn course is free but if you enjoy it the OU do a BA in creative writing or other courses with no qualifications but they are expensive . Except to say don't stay indoors doing nothing and brooding ,get out when you can , at least you can drive which is 1 up on me ! and keep in touch on this site I think that is all I can think of at the moment . Speak soon 

@ Sarah .  I can understand about your Mum , when did she die .I lost my Mum in January but to be honest she had Alzheimer's and the Mum I had grown up with went a couple of years before .. I am lucky in that I have a brilliant husband ,2 smashing kids , an adorable granddaughter and my daughter's partner who have been there and helped me in so many ways not just in dealing with my mum's death but caring for me .The best thing I can say is think about what she would have wanted you to do . I have no doubt she would say something like that you have got to carry  on your life .Take each day as it comes setting your self targets  each day , simple things like I am going to go out for a walk or a coffee , jobs round the house  and then when you achieve them give yourself a pat on the back .Do you work , if not maybe try some voluntary work , I work in my local museum a couple of times a month , find a hobby , I write and do various crafts , anything to keep busy and take your mind off things . It's hard and things don't happen overnight but take one small step at a time , don't knock yourself up if you have a bad day and slowly things will improve .In the meantime have you told your doctor how you are feeling or tried any sort of counselling , there are lots of different sorts out there from Art therapy through to 1 to 1 counselling with a specialist practitioner . Don't struggle on your own or bottle things up even if you start with just using this forum to talk it is better than nothing .In the meantime keep your chin up and good luck