How has your condition changed the way you view your body?

I have MS, and was clinically definitely diagnosed in 2015 in year 2 of my nursing degree. I was still able to walk and run, even after I dropped out towards the end of that year. I moved back in with my mum, started working full time at my job with KFC, and could still be stood on my feet, moving and "dancing" around completing orders and stuff. I quit and got a job at doing call centre work for HSBC. I was able to confidently walk to the train station from my home and the office building for a year or so, until my mobility started going. I had to quit work indefinitely, as I no longer had the mental energy or physical ability to continue. I eventually got myself an electric wheelchair, and had been with a physiotherapist who'd got me a lycra "bodysuit" and a rollator, as well as have me do exercises to strengthen my legs. I stopped being able to do all that when I had to have a catheter fitted. Fortunately, it's no longer in, and I have to do intermittent catheterisation to help me with urinary retention. I'm not "allowed" to get pregnant, as my DMT is unsafe until 12 weeks after an infusion, and my seizures are sleep sensitive.

I feel a bit like a failure. Especially when I've had to be in A&E after a status epilipticus event, and the A&E nurse is an old classmate from university. But, I've got my husband, who I met in my 1st year, and we bought a house when I was still able to work. Then I've got my best friends, who I met after meeting my husband, and I'm an "Aunty" to their children. I'm also an aunty to blood relatives. But, in the UK, if you have a disability and are on disability benefits, you're able to at least bring some money into your house. Because of my mobility issues, I'm also able to get things from the Motability service, such as cars. I cannot drive, but my husband and his dad can, so they're my designated drivers on a car I'm getting on Monday 7th Oct. The social worker team of my local council have arranged carers to come in on the days when my husband's at work just to provide me with someone to talk to. The council's also putting a wet room in for me, just so I don't have to worry about standing up when I'm having a shower, because there'll be a seat and no trip hazards. My husband also gets "unpaid carers allowance", because he's with me 118 hours a week. I think that kind of makes me a blessing in disguise 😅

So, I'm not

Yes l feel differently about my body now. What was once easy to do now needs forward planning. Since being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis & other conditions l dislike myself. The inflammation in my bladder & IBS mean l need to know where nearest toilet is and l’ve often had accidents much to my embarrassment. So l am not as sociable as l was. Getting about with two sticks is not the easiest but l try to get a bit of fresh air daily. The meds l take have made some of my teeth to be lost and hair loss is also a concern. So called friends left me when my mobility problems arose and so isolation is now another factor in why l no longer like this body l live in. Constant pain and tiredness is the icing on the cake but l must go on as there are many others in a worse place.

Yes, I feel my body has let me down continuously. These "silent diseases" that suddenly become so real and limiting and feel like they came out of nowhere. Obviously, I know, I wasn't taking proper care of my health and now I have to live with it, cope with it, manage it and continue.