Don’t be afraid to ask for help: Phil’s story

Good Morning Phil. 

Thanks for sharing your story. We have communicated along the way and it has always struck me with how strong you have been through what must have been/ can still be a very difficult, frightening place at times. Accepting that you need help and embracing it is the first step on to the road of recovery/healing.

I totally agree, medication doesn't solve your problems, but it does enable your brain to become less frantic and chaotic enabling you to work on issues little by little, day by day.

Trying to be positive is a challenge in itself in times of self doubt and frustration.

You have proved exactly what I feel that I have achieved and that is; that there is light at the end of the tunnel and life can and will be a wonderful experience ..in time.

Talking is a very under rated tool in recovery; the best thing is that it is free.

Have a great week.

Julie x

Thankyou Julie,

Its nice to hear somebody agree with how i feel. Depression is so very personal and differs in so many ways and it affects people in so many ways too but the one constant is the need to talk. I can honestly see a way out of this and i am a stronger person because of it.

all the best

phil

Hi Phil,

I agree that the medication is good to help you become more rested and think a bit clearer, so that you can work on the techniques and tools to make you a stronger person. 

I was a member of another forum which I left after some of the members just wanted to talk and argue about politics. It end up with them being unkind to the volunteer admin team who deleted the posts and reminded them it was a health forum.

I just didn't like how horrible they were and wanted to find somewhere a bit more pro-active where I can talk to like minded people when I am having a tough day, or share in the good days and new things I have found.

You are right about it being different for different people my Dad is in his late 60s and just doesn't get that I can be fine one day and then the next I just want to hide and not see anyone. 

People don't realise how hard it is and how much your self-esteem and self-confidence can be effected.

I had to give up my sporting club because of the way some of the other members who I thought we're good friends were treating me. They just couldn't see how thier reactions were affecting me. I know I was not the same bubbly person they had known previously, but so hadn't expected the lack of respect they showed me, especially since I had home out of my way to explain I was I'll with anxiety and depression and that if I acted out of character then I was sorry. It was sad I had to leave but I realised it was right for me at the time.

I have managed to reduce my tablets to a minimum leave for me to cope with at the moment and hope all being well to reduce them again in a few months.

I decided that if I was going to go through all this pain and heartache I was going to ensure I was a better person at the end of it. :-)

My family and close friends have already noticed that I am different but in a good way and that on my good days which are getting to be more than the bad days  that I am back to my bubbly self.

Still not sure why it all happened but it seems a mystery virus I got on holiday was the final straw and something just broke in me.

Over a year and a half after my diagnosis I am getting a divorce, living on my own and struggling to get a job after my break from work, but I am definitely a lot happier than I was 2 years ago. 

People think some of my coping mechanisms are funny, but I don't mind they work for me.

The funniest I guess is the inflatable punch tower that is in the corner  if the livingroom . It is for those  times when I just want to scream and release the tension inside me , because I get so frustrated at myself at times. So I put on some rock music and punch the tower until I feel better or I am knackered. :-) It works for me. :-D

I hope you are all keeping well at the moment.

Thankyou Hazel,

                      It sounds like you have a really positive outlook on things. The turning point for me was when i came to terms with the fact that i had an actual illness just like any other and concentrated more on recovery than pleasing other people or trying to make them understand, that just causes frustration !!!

Pretty soon you will open your eyes and see that the people around you offering you help are the people that are supposed to be around you. Dont be afraid to use them.

Have you tried volunteering? it doesnt have to be much and can open up so many doors and beside helping somebody else you are helping yourself too. If somebody just smiles and says a heartfelt thankyou it lifts my whole day and makes me feel that i am not worthless, pointless or any other lie my head has been telling me.

Love the punchbag idea. Perhaps i should get one too :0)

keep in touch

phil

Volunteering is a great tool to aid you in your recovery. It not only helps to re build you self esteem but  it makes to realize that compared to others , your life could be a lot worse. I found it to be a humbling experience working with adults with learning difficulties/mental illness. They just get on with life.

As Phil stated, doors could well open for you, just as it did for me.

20voices; Life will get better, the good days will eventually increase and the low days decrease. Everyone has a breaking point and something so simple may result in you reaching the tipping point.

Going through divorce is a horrible situation but life will get better as it appears that it maybe for you.

Happiness is vital in life. 

Looking back on my 30 year marriage, I hadn't realized how controlling my now ex had been. 

I am now in a wonderful place in my life, something that I never ever thought that i would experience again.

Little by little, day by day is the best approach. This is your life so live it how you wish it , not how others expect you to live.

Big hugs wrapped with love.

xx

Hello Phil, Ive just read your story, and in a instant,I could relate to you and your journey Coping with this silent illness. Like you I have been severely depressed and suffer anxiety for a period of over 20 years now.ive had the counselling the medication the exercises you name it,but still I find my self struggling to cope with the everyday dark moments that creep in when you think your having a better day. In my heart I know it won't ever leave me, but I've made my life a little better by having my 5 rescue doggies to which makes me feel I'm giving them such happiness if I can't find it myself! They at least get me out of my bed,to which is my hideaway place,I have to walk them,and they remind me trust me,leads in mouths waiting at the door. My 3 grown up sons have left home and lead their own busy lives,I think they don't understand why I'm like this,and proberly like yourself Phil we don't let on and try to put on a brave front.But I wish you have more good days then bad ones,keep up the good work and focus on you getting stronger. You deserve the best! Luv Cas.xx

Hi Phil,I find you very inspirationa,well done to you for actually speaKing about your issues.

Like yourself, I cannot handle emotional issues.  Bordering on depression.  The lesson I learned is that the past is the past.  Why do we ALLOW the past to ruin our life.  I am 65 now and nearly one foot in the grave, so I have decided that is long enough not to hang on to "ghosts".

Hi Linda,

           Its never too late to do anything for yourself ! You are very right saying the past is just that, the past. It might condition us to act and feel a certain way but it can never change who we are inside.

You say you are nearly one foot in the grave at 65, sorry but i disagree ;0) your physical outer shell may be in need of a bit of tlc but your mind is only as old as you want it to be. I take a lot of inspiration from my grandmother who went out kicking and screaming at 94 a typical geordie woman who never really grew up. I was even called to the care home to have a word about her starting fights in the lunch room !!!

My advice linda would be to carry on talking, put your ghosts to bed and enjoy life. There are a lot of options available to help and support you.

All the best Linda

phil

ps you are never too old for a happy childhood !!

Thank you Phil.  I will try to 'go out fighting' and live another day without any burden on my shoulders.

Take care of yourself too.