"If you ask for my face, I will give you a mask" - Feeling like I can't be myself with others

@sodowninsurrey Hello sodowninsurrey, thank you for starting this discussion. I can take a lot of courage to share your story and inner feelings with others! I think you express a feeling that many of us are familiar with - the feeling that we can't be ourselves with others or that we have to put on another "face" to be accepted. Let me tag some other members who can maybe share their experience with this.

Hello members, how are you doing today? Have you ever felt like you can't be yourself with others or that you have to act a certain way to be accepted? Have you found a way to overcome it? Do you have any advice or thoughts to share with sodowninsurrey?

@Bubblesrolo16‍ @DorotaS‍ @Jonolco‍ @Janais‍ @Dalrossi‍ @Minpeblib‍ @Halfpint70‍ @DonnaWorton‍ @Tigger.co.uk‍ @blackpool66‍ @imnotok‍ @maury58‍ @sad_faery‍ @PoppyFlux‍ @years93‍ @Thumbznath‍ @ukjazzer‍ @Watford‍ 

Take care,
Courtney

Im sorry to here but saying this i feel the same way it is hard being someone you dont want to be just to put on a brave face so others dont see the pain or the frustration you feel you bottle everything up and then it makes you feel worse i think as you get older and you have children you always put a brave face on but inside you are hurting and this pushes your anxiety up my feelings have changed and my mental health has not been good but i always put on a brave face just so i don't upset my family but sometimes its hard to smile so now i have stopped so they understand how i feel so try and be yourself you will feel much better take care love and hugs Tigger xxx 

@sodowninsurrey @Tigger.co.uk You both put into words so much of what I've been feeling. I think that's a big part of it, wanting to protect others or put on a brave face to not bring others down. Because no one wants to be friends with or be around the "sad girl" or the "downer". I think for me part of it also is learning to accept my depression as part of me and my chemical makeup and learning to love myself. 

I have been like this for many years, when I mention to people that I have depression they say but your always so bubbly how can that be??  it’s because I don’t want to bring others down with me, but also I can’t understand why or what I am feeling so it’s just to hard to tell people something you don’t understand your self- you know healthy kids, roof over your head, food in the cupboards clothes on your back - which is what makes me richer than a millionaire, what have I got to be sad about?? I now give myself a break and when I need to I can just stay in bed all day not get dressed as they say “it’s ok not to be ok” 

Sending loving hugs to anyone who may need them  Tenderheart xxx

Hi Ya’ll

When I was at work everybody thought that I was a good laugh, fun person to be around, out with the lads on a Saturday night. No-one knew that I suffered from severe depression. Like you all say, you kept it to yourselves. I think that is the reason why so many more people don’t seek help with it until they can’t keep it to themselves. They have to ‘let go’ and seek that help that is readily available at the GP practice or local hospital and many self-help groups around the country.

Admitting that you suffer from depression is one of the hardest things to do? To admit that you are ‘normal’ and that you need to talk.

I thought that if I showed my ‘true colours’ then my social network would disappear because they wouldn’t want to be associated with a ‘nutcase’. Through my teens I put on a ‘brave face’ and carried that on especially after I first got married. I even managed to hide it from my wife. In my middle thirties I had a ‘close shave’ concerning a lorry that just missed me by literally inches. I sat down and blurted it all out. Boy did I feel better?? Since then ‘what you see is what you get’. I am ME, just little old ME, my life changed tremendously after I had ‘come out’ and admitted my problem, after a while I realised that all of my ‘friends’ were still there, they didn’t ‘desert me’ in fact they turned out to be very supportive. After that episode of my life, I admitted that I had a problem and had got over it. With the help of friends.

Don’t bottle it up… ‘Talk to someone’……. I have spent many an hour talking to people, friends and family that have ‘come to me’ for a chat and un-burden themselves about their depression.

SEEK HELP WITH DEPRESSION

STAY SAFE out there

Richard

I cannot be my real self with people because of my lack of self belief and confidence.  I experienced acute emotional neglect as a child which distorted my perception of myself and my family etc during my childhood and adolescence.  Even with my family it is the same and they do  not relate to me in a meaningful way. My brother visited us some months ago and he just ignored me and spoke to my wife only and this is typical of how I have been treated all my life. I am 76 years old.  I used to get some psychiatric help but I never managed to be believe in myself so that I could live freely. I found counselling of little help as the counsellors do not seem to have the ability or qualifications to help me. I am on medication for 66 years and that helps. I am reasonably content as I know nothing else. Best wishes to everyone.

@BrianM I'm sorry you've been through that, family shouldn't be like that with family. I'm glad you muddle through despite it all. I have my moments of true darkness but I'm working on my self-confidence and self-love and it's starting to help. I'm sorry counselling hasn't helped you, it does a world of good for me. It can be hard finding the right one for you.

 thank you for your email. I muddle through life but I think I may be getting used to it now. My wife has no real interest in me and I can understand that life is not easy for her either. It is hard to find a good counsellor. The last person I saw, used only chat about news items and his family, without getting to the heart of my problem; I have found other counsellors much the same. best wishes

@BrianM Ah, yes that's the sign of a bad counsellor! I think sometimes people become counsellors for the wrong reasons. They're supposed to be there to help YOU, not talk about themselves or the weather. I understand. Well, know that we're all here for you on here if you ever need to talk.

This really strikes a chord with me, this feeling of being or doing one thing when in fact it's the opposite. I feel like I present myself as this happy housewife with a loving family when really I feel so alone and in my thoughts and without purpose.