How to separate bipolar disorder from our personality?

@BiPoMe Hello BiPoMe, thank you for starting this discussion! I think many of us can understand what you're feeling, like our diagnosis has consumed us.

Hello all, how are you doing today?  How to you differentiate between your disorder and your true personality? Do you consider your bipolar disorder to be separate from your personality, or are they one and the same? Do you ever feel like it has consumed you? Feel free to share your story or experience with this here!

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Take care,
Courtney

I feel my bipolar has very much defined my personality. I've had it for 35 years and I can't separate it from me. 

I was 42 when I had to run away from the moral violence of my husband I had been enduring for eight years. I was a nervous wreck and drinking two much when, at the age of 44, I fell madly and hopelessly in love with a married man. My mind understood his reasons not to leave his wife but my reptilian brain decided to save me from the pain and I started believing we had a great future together. I had a terrible three month manic episode then and was diagnosed bipolar. Two years later I was finally okay again thanks to lithium that really worked on me and it lasted for eight years. After yet an unhappy love story though and the death of my father I had a new manic episode, then another one a year later due, this time, to change from lithium to Abilify, then two years later as they had swapped me again from lithium to Seroquel. Back to litihum again, I then felt I okay but, three years later, fell for a love scammer and had another terrible manic episode. I never quite recovered from it and felt depressive, obsessed, with no motivation in life and extremely anxious.  I gave up drinking and felt a bit better but then had to give up lithium because of severe kidney problems. I took antiepilepics instead and had another manic episode one year later followed by months of high anxiety. As for today, I don't drink at all, I don't smoke, I sleep regular hours, watch my diet, play golf and have lost my libido. I have finally come to terms with living alone quite happily with the help of my sons and friends (I'm 65 now). Manic episodes, severe depression, depression and high anxiety have pestered my life but I never lost hope I could regain my true personality and interest in life again, from time to time at least.  That's my strenght. What I think caused my bipolarity? I was put in a children's home for two years solid by my parents when I was a toddler. My mother was a nasty unstable schizophrenic who strongly disliked me and I was frightened of her before I became ashamed of her and tried to avoid her as much as I could. I loved my father but he was a coward who often let me down. I think that's why I was always looking for a loving and protective man, a dream that brought me only to disappointment and I have given it up now. To endure bioplarity needs courage, resilience and patience. To avoid losing your personality to bipolarity needs hope. It's bad and things often get worse before they get better but they eventually do with some self-analysis, luck and never ever giving up on hope. Ignore good advisors (they don't know what they're talking about), forget about trying to think positive when you can't. Just keep your fingers crossed ... and hope.

@Rachaelk‍ I agree, I feel like it has shaped me as a person. I'm not sure I exist anymore without it.