Borderline Personality Disorder: "Remember, emotions may be powerful, but they are temporary and can be managed."

Hello Fiona, thank you for agreeing to share your story with Carenity.

First of all, could you tell us a little more about yourself?

Hello, my name is Fiona Jestin (but I prefer to be called Fio!) and I’m 29 years old. I’m the creator of the website BorderAttitude and the Instagram account @borderattitude, both in French, where I share my experience and tips on managing borderline personality disorder (BPD).

I’m passionate about so many things that I’ve learned to let go of the idea of finishing everything! I love being active, doing sports, walking in nature, and surprising my loved ones with little thoughtful gestures. Reading is another passion, especially books about psychology and neurophysiology. I’m a naturally curious person, always seeking self-improvement, and I’m learning to embrace my intensity just as it is.

Professionally, I’ve recently started working for a company that offers high-quality training for professional development. I’m a real jack-of-all-trades: digital marketing, educational content creation, and many other things!

I also dedicate time to raise awareness and volunteer at an association that supports people with mental health conditions like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and BPD. I co-facilitate support groups there as well.

On the family side, I’m surrounded by caring loved ones who have supported me throughout my journey. Their support has been crucial, especially during tough times. They’ve learned to better understand BPD and help me in my emotional stabilization process. I’m currently single and learning to love myself and not rely on anyone else (hello, emotional dependence!).

How does borderline personality disorder manifest in your daily life? What are the symptoms? And how does it impact your life?

BPD shows up as intense emotional instability that affects many aspects of my daily life.

The main symptoms include a deep fear of abandonment, alternating between idealizing and devaluing others, an unstable self-image, impulsivity, self-harm or suicidal behavior, rapid mood swings, uncontrollable anger, a chronic feeling of emptiness, and dissociative symptoms or paranoid thoughts.

These symptoms have a huge impact on my life. Thankfully, I’ve learned to manage them better, but a few are still quite stubborn:

• A fear of abandonment makes my relationships very complicated. I can go from total admiration for someone to complete disappointment in no time, which doesn’t help build stable relationships.
• My self-image often fluctuates between thinking I’m amazing and completely undervaluing myself, although this has improved a lot this year!
• Dissociation, where I feel disconnected from my body or reality, adds another layer of difficulty to my daily life.

When and how were you diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?

My BPD diagnosis came after a long period of medical confusion. For ten years, I saw many mental health professionals without getting a clear diagnosis. I often felt isolated and misunderstood because of my symptoms. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t “be like everyone else,” which caused me a lot of anxiety and guilt.

At 20, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, and at 23, I found out I was a high intellectual potential (HPI) individual and highly sensitive. I hoped that being HPI would explain my difficulties, but I knew there was something more.

In 2023, when I was 28, I saw a neuropsychologist, initially thinking I had ADHD. After a deep dive into my symptoms and medical history, she suggested BPD. This diagnosis was later confirmed by a psychiatrist. It was a real eye-opener for me!

Getting this diagnosis put words to my struggles and freed me from years of guilt. However, even though I felt liberated, it took me a year to fully accept my BPD diagnosis, largely due to the stigma around the disorder.

I also still believe I may have ADHD as well.

Have you gone through difficult periods because of this disorder? If so, could you tell us about them?

Yes, I’ve experienced many difficult periods due to BPD. One of the most significant was when I was 18. At the time, I was in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, who lived in Brazil. After many discussions, he decided to move to Brussels to be with me for his studies. Although this seemed perfect, as soon as he arrived, I was overwhelmed by extreme panic. I was stuck with the intrusive thought: "What will I do if I ever want to break up with him after he made this huge effort for me?"

This anxiety triggered a series of symptoms: depersonalization, a feeling of emptiness, self-harm, panic attacks with a feeling of impending death, uncontrollable rage, an intense fear of abandonment, and alternating between idealizing and devaluing the other person. I felt trapped in the relationship, but my fear of abandonment led me to unconsciously manipulate the situation for reassurance. These symptoms made the relationship very difficult and eventually led to a breakup.

After the breakup, I sank into a period of deep anxiety, using alcohol and video games as an escape. For several years, I went through one relationship after another, driven by emotional dependence. Every time a relationship became stable, the same symptoms reappeared, pushing me to break up again.

I had completely lost my self-esteem. I thought about suicide many times, but it was unthinkable for me. Since I was a child, I’ve had an intense fear of what happens after death, feeling like it’s a total abandonment of others. This fear kept me from acting on those thoughts. Because of this, I felt trapped in life. When life became terrifying, with every second feeling like torture and anxiety, I knew I had to find a way to climb out of that hole…

What does your current healthcare look like?

My current care is holistic and involves several components.

First, I’ve adopted a very healthy lifestyle. I make sure to get enough sleep because fatigue worsens my intrusive thoughts and overwhelming emotions. I exercise regularly, which helps release feel-good hormones and regulate my mood. I also eat a balanced diet, contributing to my overall well-being.

I meditate and practice breathwork daily to reconnect with my body and calm my mind. Heart coherence is another technique I use to manage stress and intense emotions. These practices are now ingrained in my routine, helping me respond more calmly to stressful situations.

I’ve also decided to go alcohol-free for a year (in 2024) and to stop getting involved with just “anyone.” It’s not easy because I no longer have ways to numb my emotions, but at the same time, it allows me to reconnect with myself.

As for therapy, after 10 years of traditional talk therapy, I decided to try body-based therapies, which I find particularly effective. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Somatic Experiencing help me process underlying traumas. Lifespan Integration Therapy is another method I use to explore and heal emotional wounds. Last year, I also did 10 sessions of dynamic neurofeedback, which helped me detach from my thoughts and feel more present.

I’ve also studied polyvagal theory, nervous system regulation, and the concept of the window of tolerance. This has helped me better understand trauma and dissociation. It’s been reassuring and confirmed that I’m on the right path to healing my traumas.

I don’t currently take any medication, as I’ve found alternatives that work well for me. However, at 22, I took antidepressants for a year and a half. At that time, I couldn’t function without them because I was too anxious.

Do you manage borderline personality disorder better over the years? If so, how?

Yes, over time, I’ve learned to manage BPD better. It’s been a gradual process, requiring patience, perseverance, and support. One key aspect has been accepting my emotions. Instead of fighting them, I’ve learned to welcome them and let them express themselves fully. This makes them less intense and more manageable.

Self-compassion has also been crucial. By learning to be kind to myself, I’ve reduced the guilt and shame that often accompanied my emotional reactions. I’ve also worked on defusing my thoughts, which helps me step back and remember that my thoughts aren’t reality.

The support of my loved ones and mental health professionals has been invaluable. Open communication and mutual education have improved the understanding and management of BPD in my ecosystem. Finally, establishing a daily structure with a bit of spontaneity has helped me create a safe space while allowing me to explore new experiences.

Are you supported by your loved ones? Do they understand the disorder? Is it difficult to talk about and confide in them?

Yes, I’m supported by my loved ones, who have learned to better understand BPD over time. At first, it was difficult for them to grasp the intensity of my emotions and the complexity of my reactions.

Additionally, talking about it hasn’t always been easy. The stigma associated with mental disorders can make conversations about BPD difficult. However, I’ve found that transparency and honesty are essential. Explaining what I feel, sharing my needs, and setting clear boundaries have helped create an environment of support and understanding.

My loved ones do their best to support me without minimizing my feelings. Their support is a key pillar in managing my BPD.

On your Instagram account, you offer advice and support to others living with BPD. Why did you decide to speak out on social media?

I decided to speak out on social media because I felt a deep need to share my experience and offer support to those living with BPD. Before my diagnosis, I often felt isolated and misunderstood. I spent hours searching French forums for stories and advice, desperate for answers and support.

Creating my Instagram account allowed me to reach a broader audience and build a support community. I share practical advice, information about BPD, and personal stories to help others feel less alone and find resources to better manage their condition.

Social media is a powerful tool for raising awareness and educating people about mental health issues. By sharing my journey, I hope to demystify BPD, reduce the stigma, and create a safe space where people can find reliable information and support.

I'm still on my recovery journey, little by little freeing myself from trauma and coming out of dissociation. It’s not always easy, and the path is far from linear. But knowing that everything I’m doing now, by never giving up, could one day help others gives me so much faith and hope!

What are your plans for the future?

Well, as always, I’ve got a lot of projects! I just changed jobs a few weeks ago, and I have several trainings lined up, including learning to teach and public speaking.

My projects include:

• Continuing to slow down so I can fully free myself from my trauma and come out of dissociation.
• Creating a podcast about mental health, (neuro)diversity, and inclusion, where I’ll interview people with similar experiences.
• Long term, I want to create training sessions and give talks/webinars to keep raising awareness, even in the corporate world.

Ahh, if only I could clone myself!

Lastly, what advice would you give to others affected by borderline personality disorder?

• Never lose hope: having professional support is crucial. Finding a therapist who you feel comfortable with and who understands BPD is essential.
• Listen to yourself: it can be helpful to explore different methods for managing your emotions. Therapy, meditation, exercise, and other emotional regulation techniques can be very useful.
• Surround yourself with supportive people: the help of loved ones is super important. I believe it’s key to communicate your needs and set boundaries.
• Be patient and kind with yourself: the road to stability is long and requires a lot of patience and perseverance.
• Remember that emotions are temporary and harmless. Even if, in the moment, it feels overwhelming, it will pass! It always does. And every experience is a chance to learn more about yourself.
• Educate yourself: listening to or reading stories from others who have gone through the same thing brings hope, inspiration, and helps you feel less alone. Plus, you’ll pick up useful tips on tools that can help you feel better.

Any last words?

Everyone’s journey is unique! What worked for me might not work for someone else, but it’s important to find what helps you. Keep moving forward, take care of yourself, and remember that emotions may be powerful, but they are temporary and can be managed. With the right support and strategies, it’s possible to find stability and live a fulfilling life, even with BPD.

A big thank you to Fiona for this interview!

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Take care of yourself!