How can you manage your emotions better?

What is an emotion? 

According to the dictionary, an emotion is a ‘state of arousal, that can be experienced as pleasant or unpleasant’ or a ‘strong feeling such as love or anger’.

Fear, joy, surprise, sadness, anger and disgust are therefore generally considered to be the 6 basic emotions necessary for human survival. However, we have a much wider range of emotions at our disposal: jealousy, shame, guilt, pride, disappointment, admiration, etc.

Emotions are actually quite useful: they influence various cognitive functions such as perception, attention and memory. For example, a strong emotion will enable you to memorise things quickly and easily recall them.

They also influence our choices and decision-making.

And most importantly, they trigger appropriate behaviour. The fact that we feel a particular emotion will prompt us to act and adapt our behaviour. For example, when we feel fear, we must interpret it as a signal that we are in danger. Our body will then react very quickly and will physiologically adapt to either flight or fight.

Finally, emotions are essential for communication. Through emotions, we are able to let others know how we feel. For example, shared emotions within a group of people can strengthen cohesion.

What triggers our emotions? 

There are different types of emotional triggers:

Internal triggers

Internal triggers include thoughts and feelings. Emotions that come from these internal triggers include frustration, boredom, resentment, stress and anxiety.

External triggers 

External triggers act as alarms about an external situation or an emotion of another person. They trigger fear, surprise, anger, etc.

In fact, a variety of different triggers can cause an emotional reaction.

How can you better manage your emotions? 

The challenge of good emotional management is to be able to calm down in any situation. This actually allows us to restore emotions to their essential function, which is to help us adjust to environmental stimuli.

Emotions can be very useful because they are always telling us something, so we need to learn to welcome and accept them in order to understand their meaning, because impulsive reactions can be damaging.

In fact, some emotions distort our judgement, sometimes causing us to make wrong decisions. Taking our feelings into account, and learning to remain calm when we are overcome by strong emotions, helps us protect some important aspects of our lives, such as work or social relationships.

Here are a few tips to help you manage your emotions more effectively:

Be aware of your emotions 

It is important to be aware of what you are feeling. Listening to yourself and knowing how to identify what you feel in different parts of your body is very useful. Is your stomach in knots? Does your heart beat faster? Do you feel tension in your neck?

Physical symptoms can be very good clues to the emotion you are feeling. 

Verbalize your feelings 

First of all, you need to identify the emotion you are feeling, and then after examining it and putting it into context, it is important to verbalise it. For example: ‘I feel sad when I don't receive enough affection from my partner’.

Many people tend to withdraw into themselves and brood. However, solitary ruminations are not a healthy way of verbalising thoughts. Internalizing often exacerbates unpleasant emotions which makes us see a distorted picture of the situation we are in, which is far from reality. So it is important to talk to someone you trust, who can reassure you about certain fears, for example. It also helps to look at your situation from a different angle, and gain perspective on the emotions you are feeling.

Accept your emotions 

Emotions are normal and they are an essential part of our lives and our relationships. Instead of blaming yourself for feeling angry, for example, it is important to allow yourself to have such feelings and reactions.

Rate your emotions 

To manage your emotions better, you need to recognise the intensity of the emotion you are experiencing. Is it anger or annoyance? Am I sad or completely depressed? For each strong emotion you feel, rate it on an intensity scale from 0 to 10.

Know your limits 

When the emotion is too strong, instead of trying to preserve a perfect image of yourself at all costs, when there is a whirlwind going on inside, allow yourself to say stop. You shouldn't always try to be nice or project an impeccable image of yourself. It is important to know how to say what we don't like and what annoys us, but you shouldn't forget to choose the right words. That way you don't build up resentment and explode later.